Replies to post #1522 on Zeev's Turnips Talk Politics (ZTTP)

[Aquarius]

It certainly makes perfect sense
that a philanthropist like
bin-laden would pull down
the world trade center, hoping
to kill 50,000 citizens of the
world. Your cherished Senator
Sullivan was born in the wrong
country!

Good luck,
Aquarius

[brainlessone]

how a bout the 4 billion of aid pledged last year but maybe not delivered? How a bout the 300 million in 2001 for food? And I have read about schools being built etc,

Please Osama blames the United states for the HIV virus. I'm sure he adds a little honey to his bullets and hatred to make it go down better. tell me how much he spent on "community development" and I will try to dig up the data on western relief in Afgansistan

[Aquarius]

Bulletin: World Wide Philanthropy has
taken a brave, new step: Destroy
Americans, and Destroy the West!

A few leading edge subversive democrats
in the US have realized the power
of this message for all world wide
philanthropists.

Soon, Bill Gates will unleash bombs
on Seattle, Washington!, so as to
claim his rightful post among
democrat-approved philanthropists!

Unfortunately, most of usama's
philanthropic construction activity
was blown into small bits last year.
It was a miracle (Allah be praised)
there were very
few students at school during that
horrible attack by the Western
anti philanthropists.

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Democrat Certified Philanthropy gains momentum

Senator Patty Murray has made a major move
to help dig caves in Afghanistan. Today
Murray stated "NO taxpayer dollar will be
truly spent, until usama's brilliant,
philanthropic, cave
infrastructure is restored in Afghanistan!"

Murray continued, "Caves should be constructed
and fortified, throughout the middle-east,
following the brilliant leadership of our
mentor, Usama Bin-Laden, hero of the true
universe!"

Murray visited the world trade center recently,
and added her personal tribute to the true heros
of that site, suggesting that a cave be
constructed there.

Thanks for honoring the real heros of our
struggle, senator patty!

Good Luck!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Patty, the cave digger, announces her
selection for the World Trade Center
memorial!

"In a tribute to Usama Bin Laden,
whose beneficence and philanthropy
has resulted in big holes appearing
in the strangest places - Senator
Patty would today like to announce the
enlargement of the big hole in
Manhattan!"

"Usama has pointed the way for this
site, and IT IS DEEPER!"

Senator Patty, who previously noted that
usama is favored throughout the civilized
world (including democrat enclaves, it seems)
because of his penchant for digging
Philanthropic caves here and there,
immediately took up her holy air hammer
and started drilling through the residual
bits of New Yorker remaining there.

Patty suggested earlier that Usama
immediatly be elected to replace
president Bush, who is not known to
be truly Philanthropic; however,
she is having trouble locating usama
to urge him on! (Can anyone help?)

Please help Patty out!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Patty announces new plan to remove
bombing, destruction, and misery
from the English Language!

Patty today announced that famous
international philanthropist Usama
has agreed to plan and disburse
all Washington State social aid
programs.

Immediately, Washingtonians began
digging a vast new Philanthropic
cave infrastructure, approved by
usama, himself!

Usama stated for the press "only
explosives, neurotoxins, and
bacteriological agents of the
highest possible potency, which
we can freely purchase - thanks to
the honorable Senator Patty - are
to be stored in these new Philanthropic
caves."

Homeless folk throughout Washington
have redoubled their effort to
further Patty's meteoric rise
to dominance in Philanthropic
politics. "These new caves for
us really prove how Philanthropy
was truly meant to work! These caves
are GLOWING hot!"

Patty is accepting new funds to
further Usama's bold new plans for
Philanthropy. Just send all your
money to "screw america, Washington
99999".

Good Luck
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Patty announces new NAZI appreciation
program in Washington State!

"Well, it turns our that some
Philanthropists might have been more
prolific than even usama himself,"
Patty corrected history today
for the ears-only American press.

It turns out that the Nazis dug
more caves in Europe, than Usama
himself was able do dig in
Afghanistan! Patty was quick to
point out, "this important infrastructure
was greatly appreciated, in its time,
and it turns out, Hitler was wildly popular!"

Patty pledged to redouble her efforts
to identify more wildly popular
Philanthropists, so as to faithfully
execute her pledge to uphold the
constitution. "Hey, don't forget,
Stalin was really quite a digger,
also! And, dude, talk about popular!"

Next, Patty is going to look into
Emperor Hirohito's cute little penchant for
bombing Hawaii. "Since Hirohito
had some of the same "stuff" that
made usama, it probably won't take
much research to reveal that he was
wildly popular, and a good cave
digger, too!"

Patty is a little conflicted, though,
of late. It turns out that American
philanthropists just can't match up
to the likes of usama, hitler, and
stalin! "They just have never really
been wildly popular! But it's not
really suprising, now, is it?"

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

*Patty lauds efforts of North Korean cave diggers*

It turns out, the heroric efforts of usama,
and the rest of the noble, great, Philanthropic
cave diggers, may have been DWARFED by the cave
digging operations in North Korea.

Patty today laid it our for us: "The Noble
North Korean Government has been digging
Philanthropic caves for 50 years! And
what have we done for them?"

Patty admits, the North Koean government
is not wildly popular! However, they
do, in fact, dig the best caves. And
the best part is, THE LIVES OF THE NORTH
KOREAN POPULACE HAVE BEEN FREELY AND
EASILY OFFERED UP, SO THAT THE CAVES
CAN BE DUG! What can be more noble
than an enlightened and beneficent government
offering up the lives of its populace,
for record setting Philanthropic caves?"

Not to mention: Americans are so
pre-occupied with their stomachs! What
an ugly affliction. The TRULY Philanthropic
North Korean government has realized
that the stomachs of the populace mean
NOTHING! The brilliant plan of the
Pyongyang government to spend 99% of
its resources on cave digging, and nuclear
weapons, and ICBMS, and its minimal, 1 million man
neighborhood defense squad - NO MATTER HOW MANY
CITIZENS STARVE - Oh, the purity of it
makes little Patty shudder and tingle!

Patty today nominated the North Korean
Government for that most cherished goal
of all true Philanthropists: The Nobel
Peace Prize! If only they could drop
a little nuke or two on San Francisco,
they would be a shoe-in! Patty states:
"Hey we have the proof! Bush was planning
to Nuke NK a long time ago! And, if
we could just get them to wallop
San Fran, the way noble Philanthropist
usama walloped New York, what fun!

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Senator Patty explains what really happened in
Mogadishu . . .

Senator Patty took the press aside by the collar today!

"Hey, what were you guys thinking, back in Mogadishu?,
the Senator asked".

Patty went on: "That is where noble usama's benevolent
and charitable activities really came to the fore!!!".
Patty explained further "The populace was literally swimming
in food and medicine, in 1993, while Usama was in town, operating a factory there. As a matter of fact, the conscripts of the warlords were getting so fat, they were
having trouble dragging dead US Rangers around the streets of the town!"

"It's just too bad president clinton didn't realize - the UN was actually delivering treadmills, so the local populace could work off some of the massive calorie dose from Usama!"

"Naturally, one warload didn't want the other warlord to have the trimmer, more svelte, conscripts, you can imagine! So, some disagreements did indeed erupt over the devices."

"Probably, the good president clinton wouldn't have had to send in the Rangers, if only he had realized the UN was
delivering treadmills! It just wasn't a matter of life and
death, after all. The civilians were quite well fed by the Usama benevolent and charitable programs!"

Thank you, Senator Patty, for correcting all of our silly, mistaken recollections of Mogadishu! It's becoming more
and more obvious that usama is a dynamic man of great Philanthropic capacity!

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Senator Patty explains what really happened in
Mogadishu . . .

Senator Patty took the press aside by the collar today!

"Hey, what were you guys thinking, back in Mogadishu?,
the Senator asked".

Patty went on: "That is where noble usama's benevolent
and charitable activities really came to the fore!!!".
Patty explained further "The populace was literally swimming
in food and medicine, in 1993, while Usama was in town, operating
a factory there. As a matter of fact, the conscripts of the warlords were getting so fat, they were
having trouble dragging dead US Rangers around the streets of the town!"

"It's just too bad president clinton didn't realize - the UN was actually
delivering treadmills, so the local populace could work off some of the massive calorie dose from Usama!"

"Naturally, one warload didn't want the other warlord to have the trimmer,
more svelte, conscripts, you can imagine! So, some disagreements did indeed erupt over the devices."

"Probably, the good president clinton wouldn't have had to send in the Rangers, if only he had realized the UN was
delivering treadmills! It just wasn't a matter of life and
death, after all. The civilians were quite well fed by the Usama benevolent and charitable programs!"

Thank you, Senator Patty, for correcting all of our silly, mistaken recollections of Mogadishu! It's becoming more
and more obvious that usama is a dynamic man of great Philanthropic capacity!

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Usama moves charity operations to Afghanistan,
following his Philanthropic successes in Somalia . . .

Enheartened by the gratitude, and veritable
rotundity, of the Mogadishu citizens, Usama decided
his job was done in Somalia. What better place to
re-initiate his charitable programs, than in Afghanistan?

Usama decided that to live up to Senator Patty's expectations,
he better kick it up another notch, though! Why not add an
entire dimension to his charitable programs, by building
an infrastructure which could guarantee the economic success
of the noble, but starving, Afghanis?

Usama sat down with Senator Patty, and Mullah Omar, and came
up with a grand NEW plan to educate particulary the young
FEMALEs in Afghanistan! Omar was absolutely giddy with enthusiasm, as Senator Patty recalls:

"Omar was so happy about educating the young females of Afghanistan, he jumped for joy!" recalls Senator Patty, who was there and witnessed it all personally, so she has the facts! So while Usama began building schools and interstate
highways around Afghanistan, Omar started publishing all the
texts needed for the new students. "Senator Patty recalls,
it was such a wonderful climate of charity and Philanthropy; it was one of the best experiences of my life!"

Senator Patty is more than a little upset by the false tales spread by evil Rumsfield: "Of all the lies - calling those filling stations, hospitals, and universities, built at great expense by Usama along the interstate highways - "terrorist training camps!"

"And, the shameless US military has audacity to play the PC card, and claim that the little girls weren't at school!"
Patty today is suing the US government to restore all Usama's good works in Afghanistan.

"The Afghanis were well on their way to economic success, thanks to Usama's brilliant charitable programs!" claims
Senator Patty.

[Aquarius]

Usama moves charity operations to Afghanistan,
following his Philanthropic successes in Somalia . . .

Enheartened by the gratitude, and veritable
rotundity, of the Mogadishu citizens, Usama decided
his job was done in Somalia. What better place to
re-initiate his charitable programs, than in Afghanistan?

Usama decided that to live up to Senator Patty's expectations,
he better kick it up another notch, though! Why not add an
entire dimension to his charitable programs, by building
an infrastructure which could guarantee the economic success
of the noble, but starving, Afghanis?

Usama sat down with Senator Patty, and Mullah Omar, and came
up with a grand NEW plan to educate particulary the young
FEMALEs in Afghanistan! Omar was absolutely giddy with enthusiasm, as Senator Patty recalls:

"Omar was so happy about educating the young females of Afghanistan, he jumped for joy!" recalls Senator Patty, who was there and witnessed it all personally, so she has the facts! So while Usama began building schools and interstate
highways around Afghanistan, Omar started publishing all the
texts needed for the new students. "Senator Patty recalls,
it was such a wonderful climate of charity and Philanthropy; it was one of the best experiences of my life!"

Senator Patty is more than a little upset by the false tales spread by evil Rumsfield: "Of all the lies - calling those filling stations, hospitals, and universities, built at great expense by Usama along the interstate highways - "terrorist training camps!"

"And, the shameless US military has audacity to play the PC card, and claim that the little girls weren't at school!"
Patty today is suing the US government to restore all Usama's good works in Afghanistan.

"The Afghanis were well on their way to economic success, thanks to Usama's brilliant charitable programs!" claims
Senator Patty.


Next: Usama opens shop in Pakistan!

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Chapter Pakistan: Usama charities become
famous, worldwide!

Senator Patty was explaining today "Living standards
in Pakistan, especially along the Afghan border, have
taken a tremendous leap forward, in the last few weeks!"

"What could be the cause? she mused, smugly."

"Why of course, it's that wonder Usama, spreading his
seeds of charity and benevolence around Pakistan."

Some folks claim it's hard to find Usama, though . .

"Just not true, clarifies Patty". Why, just ask any fat,
healthy Pakistani in the tribal areas that you might run
across! They all know where Usama's "digs" are!
And in fact, they check in for three squares a day, with
guess who, Usama himself!"

Patty castigated Rummy a little harshly: "That guy couldn't
find a free lunch if his life depended on it!"

So, the arab and muslim world are indeed alive with chatter
about Usama's benevolence. "Don't know how we could've missed
it, confesses Bill Clinton and Al Gore! If we had only known
about Usama's brilliant Philanthropic activities, we would've
never hurled those cruise missles at his universities! If
only Patty had said something, then!"

Stupid republicans still think Usama's popularity is due
to his success in killing Americans, westerners, and Jews!
What flaming morons!

Good luck,
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

- Upcoming Philanthropic Activities -
Usama announces "have ticket, will travel -
to North Korea!!!"

Usama and Senator Patty have set up a new
round of Philanthropy to be executed in
North Korea.

Usama wants to build some day cares and
preschools, so the standing Army can be
expanded to 2 million men.

Senator Patty wanted some women in there,
too, but she was outvoted by Usama and Kim
Jong Il. Osammie has assured Patty that
the North Korean fairer sex will get some
great opportunities, too. Some new
underground infrastructure storage facilities,
sometimes called "caves" by the sadistic American
military-industrial complex can be used for sewing
uniforms. At first, Patty was just a little
pissed . . . Think she is OK now though.

Other infrastructure plans include 1,923
Universities located near Seoul and Inchon.

A few dozen mobile, 40 knot ocean born universites
and health care clinics will be established,
as soon as American air craft carriers show
up.

A few additional flying universities,
flying highways, flying hospitals,
and flying subways round out
the infrastructure lot, just as soon
as the nukes (I mean, libraries) are ready.

Usama had hoped to fly over San Francisco, but
Patty is a little worried about the weather.
It may be a little tough targeting the city
by the bay with just a simple toilet nuke.

Patty has promised Osammie "we'll get it
in there, somehow, big guy!"

Good Luck, Patty!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

- Coalition gains ground in Yemen -

"Usama's Philanthropic activities have
really taken hold of late in Yemen,"
according to Senator Patty of Washington.

"Important medical infrastructure
resources have been
really 'goosed up' just in the last few
hours!" Patty crowed.

In a recent visit to Yemen, Patty says
she was "almost unable to find a single
arab in need of medical attention!".
"The Yemenis are really
happy now, thanks to infrastucture
which usama was able to sneak in here!"

Patty visited an arab celebration this
evening. "The spectacular ululations
of the arab women, in celebration of
some local triumph or other (without
doubt,
thanks to usama) was really quite
dramatic and gripping." Patty pledged
to redouble her efforts to unite with
usama, and help bring up the living
standards of all arab peoples.

Patty noted: In these desolate lands,
with absolutely NO natural resources,
it is only fitting that REALLY RICH
folks of Washington State, and the
REALLY RICH folks of the US, should
begin to take some responsibility in
the world. "It's about time we grew up"
chortled Patty.

Patty did come up with yet another
especially brilliant idea: "Why not
share the abundant natural resources
of the United States, and Alaska, with
these poverty striken folks here on this
desolate arabian penninsula - or who
knows, maybe even other destitute arabs,
where there are NO NATURAL RESOURCES,
like Syria and Iraq?"

You go, girl!

Good luck, Senator Patty!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

= "Fruitcake Coalition" Launched! =

Senator Patty of Washington State
continues to exhibit her statesmanship
and leadership.

"When I realized the arab peoples
were so darned poor because nature
had cheated them out of all natural
resources, I was just sick!"

To ease the lives of destitute
folks, born not according to their
choosing, tens of thousands of
miles from the abundant resources of
the United States, where almost
everyone is rich, Patty has established
a new coalition with the freedom
fighters of usama.

"Since our coalition was born in
December, we shall be known as
"The Fruitcake Coalition!!!!"

Unfortunately, one of the media
present chose that opportunity to
advise Senator Patty that the
arab lands were indeed also devoid
of fruitcake!

"Oh my GOD," lamented Patty," surely
this unnatural travesty must be brought
immediately to the attention of the American
People. Even the generosity of usama
has not been adequate!"

Good luck, Patty and Usama:
May the Fruitcake Coalition restore
all natural resources to the Arab
lands, including fruitcake!

[next week: Patty learns about
arab royalty! - don't miss it]

Go, Patty!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

+Patty "ON-SITE" at devestated muslim religious school+

"Reports from Pakistani officials in South Waziristan, the tribal administrative zone on the Pakistani side of the border, said at least two members of the Pakistani Border Scouts were killed in the bombing, which they said hit a Muslim religious school on the Pakistani side of the border in which some of the Border Scouts had taken refuge."

Patty choked back her tears "Here, in Waziristan, the final outrage has been perpetrated. American bombs, which on average, have been targeted at 15 to 20 muslim religious schools each, have finally succeeded in taken out the last, remaining school. Not to mention, 75 or 80 muslim hospitals
have turned up missing, at each strike. Also, roads, librarires, and other crucial infrastructure, which could be found at every street corner, thanks to the PHILANTHROPIC work
of usama, are now very hard to find."

"Plus, Patty sobbed, the noble SCOUTS, those guys who are
DEDICATED to PHILANTHROPY, and have been known to dispense it at the drop of a turban, lost two of their number!"

Patty today introduced a brilliant new bill in congress:

"America must build 1 billion muslim schools immediately, following in the footsteps of noble usamma, to begin the replacement of the 200 to 300 billion which, by local count,
have now been destroyed by American bombs."

"Since Americans, unlike arab sultans, sheiks, princes, and kings, are absolutely LOADED with money, can it be more obvious where the funds need to be extracted? Alaska also
might be a good choice . . . that fornicating state actually
pays money to Americans who happen to live there . . . truly
an abomination against Allah!"

You go, girl!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

+Patty "ON-SITE" at devestated muslim religious school+

"Reports from Pakistani officials in South Waziristan, the tribal administrative zone on the Pakistani side of the border, said at least two members of the Pakistani Border Scouts were killed in the bombing, which they said hit a Muslim religious school on the Pakistani side of the border in which some of the Border Scouts had taken refuge."

Patty choked back her tears "Here, in Waziristan, the final outrage has been perpetrated. American bombs, which on average, have been targeted at 15 to 20 muslim religious schools each, have finally succeeded in taken out the last, remaining school. Not to mention, 75 or 80 muslim hospitals
have turned up missing, at each strike. Also, roads, librarires, and other crucial infrastructure, which could be found at every street corner, thanks to the PHILANTHROPIC work
of usama, are now very hard to find."

"Plus, Patty sobbed, the noble SCOUTS, those guys who are
DEDICATED to PHILANTHROPY, and have been known to dispense it at the drop of a turban, lost two of their number!"

Patty today introduced a brilliant new bill in congress:

"America must build 1 billion muslim schools immediately, following in the footsteps of noble usamma, to begin the replacement of the 200 to 300 billion which, by local count,
have now been destroyed by American bombs."

"Since Americans, unlike arab sultans, sheiks, princes, and kings, are absolutely LOADED with money, can it be more obvious where the funds need to be extracted? Alaska also
might be a good choice . . . that fornicating state actually
pays money to Americans who happen to live there . . . truly
an abomination against Allah!"

You go, girl!
Aquarius

[Aquarius]

^Patty announces surrender of US GOVT^

"The war of the oil bumpkins, against terror, has been lost"
announced Patty, on the first day of 2003."

"Seeing as usamma continues his PHILANTHROPIC activities,
to this 400th day following the destruction of the
unfortunately named "World" trade center, can it be more
clear that midwestern oil morons have screwed up?"

Patty turned the keys of US aircraft carriers and submarines over to the noble usamma, today, in capitulation. Senators
Clinton, Daschle, and Kennedy exuberantly joined the gaila.

"usamma alone, in his clarity, can bend these resources to
Allah's needs: PHILANTHROPY shall finally rule!"

Patty also announced a new plan for infrastucture highways to be constructed in the Arctic Ocean: "Inspired by the works of Osama, we have realized that everybody, including polar bears and arctic wolves need infrastructure! Soon, even they will understand!"

You go, girl!

[Aquarius]

- Patty declares "IN THE RING" for 2004 -

Senator Patty joined the fray today in pursuit
of the democrat nomination.

"My exploratory committee will be really
new, and really different! We are gonna
be looking for a huge groundswell from
customers of Osama's day care centers!"

"Some of the largest opportunities for
democrats always are found in cities
like New York. And, our research has
already shown a fantastic impact of
Osama's day care centers, in that
very comfortable democrat enclave!"

Patty continued "And, hint, hint - guess
what just might happen? We have been
in close communication with that wisp
of Philanthropy, osama, himself. HE
HAS NOT RULED OUT JOINING MY TICKET!"

"Just think, elementary students
around the US can finally be exposed
to the most heroric Philanthropist,
since Idi Amin! We are gonna take
this election, hands down, with day
care centers for every community,
village, and hamlet!"

"And, besides, if Osama somehow becomes
unavaible, we always have that oil-soaked
duck in the freezer!"

Go, Patty, Go!

AQ.