Replies to post #70595 on Rants and Raves

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really?

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oh really?

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prove it

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says who?

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SEC Sues Lawyer Over Opinion Letters In Penny Stock Offerings

Feb 2, 2010
By Chad Bray, Of DOW JONES NEWSWIRES

NEW YORK -(Dow Jones)- The U.S. Securities & Exchange Commission sued a New York lawyer on Monday for allegedly writing bogus opinion letters to help stock promoters improperly procure unrestricted stock certificates in three unregistered "penny" stock offerings.

The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Manhattan on Monday, alleges that Stephen Czarnik, a partner at Cohen and Czarnik LLP, assisted three stock promoters in the abuse of a rule that allows accredited investors to acquire unrestricted shares from transfer agents in unregistered securities offerings that don't exceed $1 million.

The SEC said Czarnik continues to serve as a "one-man 'opinion-mill' for unregistered penny stock offerings." The regulator said Czarnik has authored at least 111 opinion letters for unregistered stock offerings, involving the transfer of more than 2.5 billion shares to penny stock promoters by 43 issuers.

"Czarnik served an essential role in these illegal offerings," the regulator said. "He churned out bogus opinion letters predicated on the promoters' alleged representations to him that they are buy-and-hold investors. In fact, Czarnik knew that they had no intention of holding the stock, but that they intended to nationally advertise the stock and quickly dump their shares into the public market for millions of dollars."

The alleged improper activity involved unregistered offerings for three penny stock companies between June 2007 and January 2008, in which the promoters served as intermediaries.

Czarnik didn't immediately return a phone call seeking comment Monday.

Before agreeing to issue unrestricted shares in absence of a registration, many transfer agents require a lawyer's opinion from the issuer's counsel explaining why it would be legal to do so, the SEC said.

The SEC said the promoters improperly pretended to be accredited investors intent on buying and holding stock of small companies for investment purpose, but their true goal was to take the companies public and immediately distribute stock in the public market.

"Czarnik knew or was severely reckless in not knowing that the promoters intended to distribute the stock to the public and that the transfer agent would rely on his letters and issue stock certificates without restrictive legends," the SEC said.

-By Chad Bray, Dow Jones Newswires; 212-227-2017; [e-mail]

http://www.nasdaq.com/aspx/stock-market-news-story.aspx?storyid=201002011758dowjonesdjonline000472&title=sec-sues-lawyer-over-opinion-letters-in-penny-stock-offerings

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where?

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oh really

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prove it

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Confucius: Boy who plays with himself pulls boner.

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The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "You wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"

"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

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Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.

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The flower vendor was an old hand at unloading his last few bunches.

Appealing to a businessman on his way home, the vendor said, "How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?"

"Haven't got a wife," responded the businessman gruffly.

"Then how about some carnations for your girlfriend?" proposed the vendor without missing a beat.

"Haven't got a girlfriend."

"You lucky guy!" The vendor broke into a big smile... " Then buy both bunches to celebrate!"

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Rabbi Levy is addressing the 'Enlighten Your Daughter' meeting of the synagogue women's guild.

"Ladies," he says, "I'm sure some of you know by now that the unfortunate Jonathan Bloom has been sent to prison for making love to his wife Sadie's dead body."

A number of 'Oy Vays' are heard from the ladies present.

"You might also be interested to know," the Rabbi goes on to say, "that I spoke to Jonathan yesterday and I now firmly believe that his actions were entirely innocent and accidental. So although we are all feeling sorry for Jonathan, there is a lesson to be learned. Ladies, go back home to your daughters and tell them that when making love with a good Jewish husband, they should please make a little wiggle."

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Q: How do you keep a man from attacking you?
A: Throw him the remote control.

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A farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

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I drive like you do.

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Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, What do workers at McDonald's get?
A: Fallen arches.

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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'

Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

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Two rednecks, Earl and Bubba, were driving down the road one day drinking a Bud. Earl looks up and says, "Lookiee up thar, Bubba...I see a real Po-leese roadblock...them Pol-eese mans gonna catch us a drinkin."

Bubba says, "No sir-ee they won't either. You do exlaxly like I says. Finish your beer, peel the label off and put the bottle unda your seat. Now, stick the label on your far-head."

Earl does exactly as Bubba says. They pull up to the roadblock and stop with the beer labels sticking to the middle of their heads. Naturally, the first thing the policeman asks is, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No Sir," says Bubba. "We're on the "patch"!!

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An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.

The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.

He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

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oh really

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I would again caution everyone not to count their un-hatched chickens. While it indeed may turn out to be the proverbial bet or “stock play of a lifetime” and pay off “shortly”, there is always Murphy’s Law to deal with, not to mention the Law of Unintended Consequence. IMO, the most reasonable posture at the moment is to remain cautiously optimistic, hoping for the best but at the same time getting on with everyday business.

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oh really

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Circular definition: see definition, circular.

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A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.

"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"

"You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."

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Q: Why aren't ball parks air conditioned?
A: They don't need to, because of all the fans.

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The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

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One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?"

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & warmth and with a good nights sleep, I would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defense....... "

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Q: "How do you spell clitoris?"
A: "I don't know, but I had it on the tip of my tongue just a moment ago."

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Men have two moods: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) -- The first U.S. clinical trials in more than two decades on the medical benefits of marijuana confirm pot is effective in reducing muscle spasms associated with multiple sclerosis and pain caused by certain neurological injuries or illnesses, according to a report issued Wednesday.

Igor Grant, a psychiatrist who directs the Center for Medicinal Cannabis Research at the University of California, San Diego, said five studies funded by the state involved volunteers who were randomly given real marijuana or placebos to determine if the herb provided relief not seen from traditional medicines.

"There is good evidence now that cannabinoids may be either an adjunct or a first-line treatment," Grant said at a news conference where he presented the findings.

The California Legislature established the research center in 2000 to examine whether the therapeutic claims of medical marijuana advocates could withstand scientific scrutiny. In 1996, state voters became the first in the nation to pass a law approving pot use for medical purposes.

Thirteen other states have followed suit, but California is the only one so far to sponsor medical marijuana research. After 10 years and nearly $9 million, the Center for Medicinal Cannabis Research is preparing to wrap up its work next year.

Along with the studies on muscle spasms and pain associated with spinal cord injuries and AIDS, the center also has funded research on how marijuana affects sleep and driving, limb pain due to diabetes, and whether inhaling vaporized cannabis is as effective as smoking it.

A laboratory study supported by the center examined if pot could be helpful in treating migraine headaches and facial pain. In that study, rats given a cannabis-like drug exhibited reduced activity of nerve cells that transmit pain.

State Sen. Mark Leno, a San Francisco Democrat who chairs a budget subcommittee on health and human services and supports medical marijuana, said he doubted there would be more financial support for the center, given California's ongoing budget crisis.

The federal government classifies marijuana as an illicit drug with no medical use but produces the only pot legally available for scientific research under a contract with the University of Mississippi.

Grant said obtaining some of the Mississippi crop and meeting the complex security regulations required by the Drug Enforcement Agency and other federal agencies was time-consuming and cumbersome.

Grant, however, had no problem with the quality of the government's supply. Its consistency was helpful in determining that patients who smoked less-potent marijuana enjoyed the same amount of pain relief but less mental confusion than those who inhaled a more powerful strain, he said.

Such quality control is notably absent from the marijuana that patients with a doctor's recommendation can legally obtain in California through hundreds of cooperatives and storefront dispensaries, Grant said.

He said more research was needed on how pot works and its side effects.

"Because we don't know the composition of the strains that are on the street, we don't know what patients really are getting," he said. "As a doctor I feel some discomfort when someone says take X or Y pill or herb because we think that might be helpful."

Since its founding, the center has approved 15 research studies, but five had to be discontinued because there were not enough volunteers willing or able to meet the criteria for participating.

One proposed study on the effectiveness of marijuana in reducing chemotherapy-related nausea was canceled because researchers could not recruit enough cancer patients who weren't already treating their symptoms effectively with anti-nausea medications.

In the 24-page report submitted Wednesday to the Legislature, Grant said research protocols had been rigorous, with six studies published or accepted for publication in peer-reviewed science journals.

In four studies, participants suffering from multiple sclerosis, AIDS or diabetes, along with healthy volunteers injected with a chili pepper substance to induce pain, were randomly assigned to receive cigarettes filled with marijuana. Half had the active ingredient delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, removed.

Not every patient who smoked the real marijuana reported improvement. But the percentage who did was comparable to those who said they experienced relief from antidepressants and other medications commonly prescribed for neuropathic pain, the study said.

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books....

a nice change from reading prescription labels

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don't make me use UPPERCASE

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if you have something to say raise your hand

and place it over your mouth

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i'd like to help you out

which way did you come in?

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life is too short to dance with ugly men

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During a visit to the senior's home, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON.........OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?=============

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Updated: 3:56 PM MST on February 18, 2010
Phoenix
74.3° F
Partly Cloudy
Wind: West at 1.0 mph
Humidity: 24%
HeatIndex: 76° F
Dewpoint: 35° F
Pressure: 29.80 in
UV: 13.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear in the evening...becoming partly cloudy. Lows 42 to 51. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming east around 5 mph after midnight.


Friday: Mostly sunny. Highs 70 to 75. Southeast wind 5 to 10 mph.

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XenoPort, Inc.(NasdaqGS: XNPT)
After Hours: 6.71 0.04 (0.60%) 5:59pm ET

Last Trade: 6.67
Trade Time: 4:00pm ET
Change: 12.93 (65.97%)
Prev Close: 19.60
Open: 6.90
Bid: 6.72 x 1200
Ask: 6.75 x 500
1y Target Est: 31.31
Day's Range: 6.39 - 7.13
52wk Range: 6.39 - 27.18
Volume: 36,531,397
Avg Vol (3m): 284,442
Market Cap: 202.37M
P/E (ttm): N/A
EPS (ttm): -2.43
Div & Yield: N/A (N/A)

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A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.

THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"




THE OLD FARMER SAID,

"THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.

"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.

HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.



THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. . . THE OLD FARMER
UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE .. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"

"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,

"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"

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ALL PUNS INTENDED
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
21. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.=============

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CNN legal analyst Jeff Toobin was in court Wednesday for a case of his own, according to the New York Daily News.

Toobin, 49, appeared in Manhattan Family Court along with rumored former lover Casey Greenfield, the 36-year-old daughter of CBS News analyst Jeff Greenfield. Greenfield gave birth to a baby boy last spring, and though she wouldn't say then, the Daily News reports she now claims Toobin is the father.

From the Daily News:

The ex-lovers barely spoke in the waiting area before joining their lawyers behind closed doors with a court referee to hash out custody and money issues.


Toobin, who glumly sat several rows away from Casey Greenfield before the hearing, is said to have privately admitted to fathering the child, believed to have been born last summer, sources said.



A friend of Greenfield's said the outspoken Toobin has resisted putting his name on the infant's birth certificate and hasn't given his former lover the child support she's requested.


Both Toobin and Greenfield declined to comment on the court appearance to the Daily News, as did their lawyers.

Toobin has two children with wife Amy McIntosh, who he married in 1986. The Daily News reports he was wearing his wedding ring in court.

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oh really

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COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.

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Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?' He said: "my wife makes me pay $100 - for sex!"

Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $250

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Q: What does a Jewish woman say just before she has an orgasm?
A: Sorry Mom, but I have to hang up now!"

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An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."

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A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of her favorite pictures on her wall and asks her father what she needs to do. He says to hammer a nail with a large head on it into the wall where she wants her picture to be located.

After searching endlessly for a "nail with a large head on it" she gives up and goes out to buy one.

When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty looking man with his eyes popped out of his head once she entered.

Not knowing her way around a hardware store she is forced to ask him for help.

"Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"

He answers, "I have something with a large head that would be happy to nail you."

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A man, who wanted a dog to protect his business, visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.

After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog, snarling loudly, and biting and clawing at the cage.

"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.

"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have a different one in mind for you."

They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first.

He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.

"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."

"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."

The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a large dog, panting heavily and lying quietly on his side, licking his own butt. He seemed unaware of the men's approach.

"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.

The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed. "This dog is tame compared to the others; he doesn't even act like an attack dog."

"I know he appears tame now," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

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Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Updated: 2:31 PM MST on February 20, 2010
Phoenix
58.5° F
Overcast
Wind: SSE at 1.0 mph
Humidity: 66%
Dewpoint: 47° F
Pressure: 29.81 in
UV: 2 out of 16
Clouds:
SCT at 2300 ft
BKN at 4100 ft
OVC at 8000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Today: Much cooler with showers likely through early afternoon. Highs 56 to 61. South wind 5 to 15 mph. Partial clearing this afternoon. Chance of measurable rain 70 percent.


Tonight: Considerable cloudiness. Chance of showers. Lows 39 to 49. Southeast wind 5 to 10 mph. Chance of measurable rain 40 percent.

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Nevada's biggest casinos lose $6.8 billion | 4:35 a.m.

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News Alert: Online Attacks on Google Said to be Linked to Schools in China

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Who is the oldest movie star living?

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Tiger says he is practicing Buddhism when he has actually been practicing bootyism!

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Cheddar Bay Biscuits like Red Lobster's®

Serves : 8
Prep. Time : 0:15

2 cups Bisquick® baking mix - low-fat okay
2/3 cup milk - low-fat okay
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese - low-fat okay
1/4 cup butter or margarine - melted
1/4 tsp. garlic powder

-Combine Bisquick®, milk, and cheddar and beat with a wooden spoon for about 30 seconds.
-Spoon on to greased cookie sheet. Smooth tops down with spoon.
-Bake in 450 degree oven for 8 to 10 minutes.
-Combine butter and garlic powder and pour over hot biscuits.

NOTES : Red Lobster® uses white cheddar, but this tastes just as good.

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Meat and Potato Pie

Prep time: 35-40 minutes
Bake time: 35-40 minutes
Makes 1-9" pie

Filling
1/4 cup vegetable shortening
1 pound sirloin steak, trimmed and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/2 cup 1/2-inch diced onion
1/2 cup 1/2-inch diced carrot
1/4 cup tomato paste
1 teaspoon dried basil leaves
1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2 cups beef broth
4 1/2 cups frozen diced potatoes
1 tablespoon cornstarch
2 tablespoons cold water
1/2 cup frozen green peas, thawed
Salt and pepper to taste
9-inch Double Crust

For filling, melt oil in large saucepan. Add steak. Brown on medium-high heat. Add onion and carrots. Cook until onion starts to brown, stirring often. Add tomato paste, basil, thyme and garlic powder. Cook 2 to 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Add broth and potatoes. Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer until potatoes are cooked through but still firm.
Dissolve cornstarch in water. Add to saucepan. Cook and stir until thickened. Remove from heat. Stir in peas. Cool to room temperature. Taste and season with salt and pepper.
For crust, heat oven to 375ºF. Prepare and press bottom crust into 9-inch deep-dish pie plate or casserole. Spoon in filling. Moisten pastry edge with water. Cover pie with top crust. Cut slits in top crust to allow steam to escape. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until browned. Serve hot.

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Winter Minestrone Recipe

Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Yield: 4 to 6 servings


2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, chopped
2 carrots, peeled, chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
3 ounces thinly sliced pancetta, coarsely chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 pound Swiss chard, stems trimmed, leaves coarsely chopped
1 russet potato, peeled, cubed
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1 fresh rosemary sprig
1 (15-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained, rinsed
2 (14-ounce) cans low-sodium beef broth
1 ounce piece Parmesan cheese rind
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
Salt and pepper

Heat the oil in a heavy large pot over medium heat. Add the onion, carrots, celery, pancetta, and garlic. Saute until the onion is translucent, about 10 minutes. Add the Swiss chard and potato; saute for 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes and rosemary sprig. Simmer until the chard is wilted and the tomatoes break down, about 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, blend 3/4 cup of the beans with 1/4 cup of the broth in a processor until almost smooth. Add the pureed bean mixture, remaining broth, and Parmesan cheese rind to the vegetable mixture. Simmer until the potato pieces are tender, stirring occasionally, about 15 minutes. Stir in the whole beans and parsley. Simmer until the beans are heated through and the soup is thick, about 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Discard Parmesan rind and rosemary sprig (the leaves will have fallen off of the stem.)

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Black Bean Soup Recipe


Back in college, a great local cafe stayed opened into the wee hours ladling up their version of this stuff. The first time I slurped some of it down after midnight, I decided to make black bean soup my own tradition. Mine is hearty and smoky, and if it's lying around, I'll also throw in a can of beer for good taste and in keeping with the spirit of a good night on the town. Like the onion soup, you'll want to make this ahead of time so you're not faced with the prep-work when you and your friends just want to kick back and chow down after a long night. Using smoked bacon makes all the difference in the world because those beans are just begging for that rich, smoky flavor.


10 slices bacon, finely chopped
2 medium onions, chopped (about 2 1/2 cups)
6 garlic cloves, pressed
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can reduced-sodium chicken broth
1 1/2 cups canned chopped tomatoes
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon chili powder
4 (15 1/2-ounce) cans black beans, drained but not rinsed
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 bunch cilantro
juice of 1/2 lime
Thinly sliced scallions, for garnish
Sour cream, for garnish
Grated cheddar, for garnish

Put the bacon into a large heavy pot and place it over medium heat. Cook until it starts to give up its fat, about 4 minutes. Stir in the onions and cook, stirring, until they start to turn translucent, about 4 minutes. Stir in the garlic and cook until you can smell it, about 1 minute. Add the broth, tomatoes, ketchup, Worcestershire, and chili powder. Stir in the beans, turn the heat to high and bring to a boil. Adjust the heat so the soup is bubbling gently and cook 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
Meanwhile, pick off all the thick stems from the cilantro. Wash it and shake dry. Chop the cilantro coarsely and stir it into the soup when it has been simmering 10 minutes. cook until the soup is thickened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the lime juice. Serve with the garnishes.

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take a package of cream cheese lay in a microwave dish, pour a can of Chili over it with some cheese of your liking and what ever else you want and microwave till warm.

Serve with bread,cracker chips what ever you like mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!

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Updated: 3:57 PM MST on February 20, 2010
Phoenix
61.5° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: WSW at 2.0 mph
Humidity: 52%
Dewpoint: 44° F
Pressure: 29.81 in
UV: 12.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 3600 ft
SCT at 4500 ft
BKN at 6500 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy and cooler. Chance of showers with a slight chance of thunderstorms in the evening...then slight chance of showers after midnight. Lows 41 to 50. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming southeast around 5 mph after midnight. Chance of measurable rain 30 percent.


Sunday: Considerable cloudiness in the morning...becoming partly cloudy. Slight chance of showers. Not as cool. Highs 61 to 66. South wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 20 percent.

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Woods cheated on his wife, not us

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Don't bite off too much house

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The Wright Brothers spent years and a lot of

their money in Ohio and North Carolina to get

a plane to fly. If they had focused their energy

on a push lawnmower, they could have found

success years earlier.

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Struggling cities print their own money

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Updated: 5:49 PM MST on February 20, 2010
Phoenix
53.4° F
Light Rain
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 85%
Dewpoint: 49° F
Pressure: 29.84 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
BKN at 4600 ft
BKN at 5500 ft
BKN at 12000 ft
Visibility: 7.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy and cooler. Chance of showers with a slight chance of thunderstorms in the evening...then slight chance of showers after midnight. Lows 41 to 50. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming southeast around 5 mph after midnight. Chance of measurable rain 30 percent.


Sunday: Considerable cloudiness in the morning...becoming partly cloudy. Slight chance of showers. Not as cool. Highs 61 to 66. South wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 20 percent.

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Stones haven't been cast. It has been more like boulders flung ashore by tsunami waves, the ones standing nearly 30 feet high and weighing 1,600 tons.

Nothing brings out moralistic banter like another's failure.

Tiger Woods spoke for 13½ minutes Friday, and we know this because every syllable of every word of every sentence of every paragraph of his prepared statement was dissected the past 24 hours by anyone and everyone with a public platform on which to critique. If you missed it, ESPN should be on its 567th replay any second now.

I suppose that is to be expected a day after some lunatic flies a plane into an Internal Revenue Service building and kills people. Priorities and all.

But the staged drama of Woods' appearance before the world felt like those times when you finally see a movie everyone is talking about and it doesn't elicit the same level of emotion. You shrug your shoulders while walking out of the theater, and others can't understand.

I don't know how many drafts it took for Woods to finish his statement, which was heavy on apology for his marital infidelity. But from the time he began speaking at PGA Tour headquarters in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., to the second he departed, not much changed in how I view him, which is to say the guy is still more robot than Gort.

Tiger Woods of today, a flawed and shamed and repentant and still angry man (at least toward those who take pictures for a living), will always own a level of standoffish behavior that for some reason annoys so many. No athlete in history has had more control over any situation that involves his presence, and it will be no different tomorrow or next week or whenever he returns to competitive golf.

Woods even managed to make the toughest and most embarrassing chapter in his lifetime Friday sound like a scripted monologue, and yet whose right is it to decide the level of another's contrition in such a moment? The sanctimonious blabber that comes from talking heads in times like this is pathetic.

I am trying to figure out what questions people outside his wife and two children deserve answers to now, especially after Woods apologized to everyone from his family and friends and fans and sponsors and staff and all the kids, from those educated by his schools in California and Washington to those who idolized him as one of the world's finest athletes. Forgiveness now becomes an individual matter.

He cheated on his wife. He had affairs. He made a laughingstock of the public image he and his team so carefully crafted over the years, one of the flawless character and devoted family man.

If it angers you today that your financial support went toward creating a fraudulent ideal that helped him become so rich and famous, stop buying products he endorses. Ban from your life anything with a Swoosh on it. Change the channel when you see his backswing. Stop supporting the fantasy. It's long gone.

But it's not our business to inquire about how many women and where and how often. It's not anyone's right to pursue angles of this story that are so profoundly personal and private between a husband and wife, it's almost uncomfortable to watch any of it play out.

Woods lived a life most of us could not comprehend and is deservedly paying for it. He bowed to temptations most of us could never confront. So to judge how and to whom he should now make amends is a typical presumptuous reaction from most who will never know such a reality.

Tiger Woods is arguably the greatest golfer to ever walk the planet. By no means has he been thought of as a great guy and now has added a definite level of creep to that persona.

But nothing he said or how it was delivered Friday changed my view of Gort the Golfer. I didn't need to hear others ask questions because I couldn't care less about the answers.

How this story reached this level of importance says a heck of a lot more about us than some famous athlete who didn't have the discipline to keep his pants on.

"Today I want to ask for your help," Woods concluded to the handpicked gallery inside that clubhouse. "I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again."

I have always believed he is the greatest closer in sports history, that he is the epitome of greatness inside the ropes.

None of that changes, and nor does what I think of him outside them.

Which is, I never give him a second thought because I never thought him worthy of one.

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Stewardesses' is the longest word
typed with only the left hand.
And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed
with your right hand. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

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No word in the English language rhymes with
month , orange, silver, or purple.

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' Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
(Are you doubting this?)

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our eyes are always the same size from birth,
but our nose and ears
never stop growing.

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The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog'
uses every letter of the alphabet.
(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

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The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether
they are read left to right
or right to left (palindromes).
(Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)

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There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous':
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

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There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in
order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'
(Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)

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TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.
(All you typists are going to test this out)

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A cat has 32 muscles in each ear..

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A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds ..

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A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

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A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

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A snail can sleep for three years.
(I know some people that could do this too.!)

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Almonds are a member of the peach family.

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that also . Actually I know A LOT of people
like this!)

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Babies are born without kneecaps.

They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age

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February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full
moon.

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In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

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If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast,
the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

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Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

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Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

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Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

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The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

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The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

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The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

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The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls
froze completely solid .

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There are more chickens than people in the world.

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Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

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Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

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Federal Reserve Raises Interest Rate Charged to Banks, In First Move Since 2008

The Federal Reserve, taking its first step to return lending
to normal after more than two years of extraordinary actions
to prop up the economy, on Thursday raised its discount rate
-- the interest rate it charges on emergency loans to banks
-- by one-quarter percentage point.

The increase, to 0.75 percent from 0.50 percent, takes effect
on Friday.

Officials said the move was not meant to be a broad
tightening of credit. Rather, they said, it was intended to
discourage emergency borrowing when other financing is
available to banks.

The discount rate had been at 0.50 percent since December
2008.

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10 Points to Ponder for 2010

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two moods: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky...
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather:
It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?


Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2010 :
"Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers: What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."
Here comes another year!

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"The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental."

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Lincoln: "The money powers prey upon the nation in times of peace"

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Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost 500, and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.
"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.

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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender."Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight."

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery"
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda.. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary , that's terrible. Tell me, Mary , did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?
" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary , put down that damn gun...' "

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Updated: 9:32 PM MST on February 20, 2010
Phoenix
51.6° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 88%
Dewpoint: 48° F
Pressure: 29.89 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
BKN at 5000 ft
BKN at 8000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Tonight: Partly cloudy with a slight chance of showers. Lows 41 to 50. Southeast wind around 5 mph. Chance of measurable rain 20 percent.


Sunday: Considerable cloudiness in the morning...becoming partly cloudy. Slight chance of showers. Not as cool. Highs 61 to 66. South wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 20 percent.

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Ohno Wins 7th Olympic Medal, an American Record in Winter Games

The American speedskater Apolo Anton Ohno won the bronze
medal in the 1,000-meter short track on Saturday, making him
the most decorated American in Winter Olympic history. He now
has seven Olympic medals, surpassing Bonnie Blair's total of
six.

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RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona.

Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night ---early birds.

Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

.... PRICELESS

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A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

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How to Avoid Green Investment Scams

http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2010/01/06/how-to-avoid-green-investment-scams.aspx

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Little Pies
(Ready in 1 hr )

Tasty fruit filling gets a tender streusel topping in these individual pies.



3/4 cup All Purpose or Unbleached Flour
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1/2 cup chopped nuts, if desired
1 (17.3-oz.) can Refrigerated Flaky Biscuits
1 (21-oz.) can apple, blueberry or cherry pie filling
1 to 1 1/2 cups whipping cream
Cinnamon-sugar



1. Heat oven to 350°F. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cup; level off. In medium bowl, combine flour, brown sugar and cinnamon. With pastry blender or fork, cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in nuts.
2. Separate dough into 8 biscuits. Split each biscuit in half to make 16 rounds. With floured fingers, flatten each to form 4-inch round. Press each biscuit round in ungreased 2 3/4x1 1/4-inch muffin cup. Spoon 2 tablespoons pie filling into each biscuit-lined cup. Sprinkle each with about 2 tablespoons flour mixture. (Cups will be full.)
3. Bake at 350°F. for 15 to 22 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 5 minutes. Remove from muffin cups; place on wire rack. Cool 10 minutes.
4. In small bowl, beat whipping cream until stiff peaks form. Top each serving with whipped cream; sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar. Store in refrigerator.

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Wild Rice Soup with Corn and Sausage


3/4 cup uncooked wild rice
2 -1/2 cups water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup Corn Oil *
3 cups frozen corn kernels
1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
2 ribs celery, finely chopped
2 medium carrots, peeled and finely chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3 cups chicken broth
1 teaspoon thyme
1 bay leaf
1 -1/2 cups fully cooked smoked sausage, diced
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, minced
1 cup milk
1 cup half-and-half
Salt and pepper to taste

In 2-quart saucepan combine wild rice, water and salt; heat to boiling. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 40 minutes, or until tender. Drain in colander. Set aside.

In 2-quart saucepan heat Oil over medium heat. Add corn, red bell pepper, celery, carrots, onion and garlic. Cook and stir over medium heat for about 7 minutes, or until tender. Stir in flour; cook and stir for 1 minute. Stir in chicken broth, thyme and bay leaf. Add cooked rice, sausage, parsley, milk and half-and-half. Cook over medium heat for 15 to 20 minutes, or until very hot, stirring occasionally. Season with salt and pepper; serve

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Confucius: Girl who marry detective must kiss dick.

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A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours," warned the pharmacist.

"Don't worry," replied the patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off!"

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Q: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and, perhaps, try using lubrication.

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Teen-age girl to friend: "I'm really worried about my mother. She's always tired."

"Is she sleeping okay?"

"No, she's usually up all night."

"What's keeping her awake?"

"She's waiting for me to get home."

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then she takes a close look and says, 'No Sir they aren't, and I assure you there's nothing wrong with them!!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely..... ' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'

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This trucker had been driving his eighteen wheeler for hours and he was hot and tired so he stopped at his favorite brothel he'd patronized for years.

Mabel answers the door and says, "Hey there Ed. What can I do for you."

Ed replies, "You know I've been trading here for twenty years and this time I'd like something different."

"Well" says Mabel, "we got Annie, Betty and Lucy - she takes it up the 'attic'".

"Hell no, I want something different" says Ed.

Mabel says, "Oh, I'll send Hurricane Jessie. She's new. Now you go on to your room."

Ed goes to his room and gets all prepared. Soon this big Amazon of a gal comes in and she's puffing and a blowing.

She straddles old Ed and starts swinging back and forth, her big boobs just knocking the hell outta his head. He cried, "What in the hell's going on?"

"I'm Hurricane Jessie and that's the coconuts falling off the coconut trees".

Pretty soon she starts pissing all over him and says this is the monsoon rains that come with the hurricane.

Ed jumps off the bed and Hurricane Jessie says, "What's wrong honey, don't you like it?"

He said,"I'm leaving. Who in hell could fuck in this kind of weather?!"

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Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

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Olympics Alert: Bode Miller Wins Gold in Men's Super Combined

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Therefore, you will... NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

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A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:










Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting.
After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.









Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.










Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia : High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.










Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey.. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.









Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.











Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.









Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood Enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!









So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

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Millions of Unemployed Face Years Without Jobs

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peculation. A, noun. 1, embezzlement, peculation, defalcation, misapplication, misappropriation. the fraudulent appropriation of funds or property entrusted

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Updated: 3:54 PM MST on February 21, 2010
Phoenix
63.0° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: WSW at 6.0 mph
Humidity: 51%
Dewpoint: 45° F
Pressure: 29.89 in
UV: 9.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 5000 ft
BKN at 8000 ft
BKN at 20000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Considerable cloudiness. Chance of showers. Lows 41 to 51. Southwest wind 10 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 50 percent.


Monday: Showers likely and cooler. Highs 54 to 59. West wind 10 to 20 mph. Chance of measurable rain 70 percent.

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A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

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Simon says: I miss Paula Abdul

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Knob-and-tube wiring was the main method of electrical wiring from the 1880s through the 1930s, lasting even into the 1950s. Back then, a single outlet per room was common, and the average household's few appliances didn't collectively suck much power.

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Shopping for a house? Consider waiting 9 months

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Lufthansa: Pilots launch 4-day strike- AP

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Team USA Beats Canada in Men's Hockey Showdown

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Little Joseph fog was 12 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling..'

Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse.

It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you!'

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Ed and Carol met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Carol to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.

Ed became convinced that Carol was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Carol to a fine restaurant.
While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problm, for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added,

"You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine... I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and..
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.................... Thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore..
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah. That one does work.

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"Life's tough... It's even tougher if you're stupid."
~John Wayne~

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Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time... That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: 'P'.... On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it..
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Updated: 11:41 PM MST on February 21, 2010
Phoenix
47.8° F
Scattered Clouds
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 83%
Dewpoint: 43° F
Pressure: 29.91 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 6000 ft
SCT at 23000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Tonight: Mostly cloudy with a chance of showers. Lows 41 to 51. Southwest wind around 10 mph. Chance of measurable rain 50 percent.


Monday: Showers likely and cooler. Highs 54 to 59. West wind 10 to 20 mph. Chance of measurable rain 70 percent.

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Toyota repeatedly discounted the idea that electronic problems could be to blame for sudden acceleration incidents, and the government's response was "seriously deficient," a House panel found. - 3:34 pm

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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

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Maurice comes home one day to find his wife Hannah, an English teacher, in bed with his best friend.

"Darling," Maurice cries, "how could you? After all the years we've been together, I come home from work to find you like this. I am surprised."

"No, no, my dear," says Hannah, "you are amazed. I am surprised."

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Q: What is the gasp reflex?
A: The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

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Bill: "I met the foxiest lady today but she was tied up for the evening."

Doug: "That's too bad."

Bill: "She gave me her phone number though."

Doug: "It sounds to me like you've got it made."

Bill: "I'm not too sure. She has a 900 number!"

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Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.

"Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news," suggested the eldest son.

The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.

"Now, you don't have to worry about anything," said the doctor. "I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me."

The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools.

"Tell me," said the doctor, "what would you do if you had a large win on the pools - say one million pounds?"

"Why," replied the old lady, "I'd give half of it to you, of course."

The doctor fell down dead with shock.

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A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old mates.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the pub, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop.... but at the pub.. you know... they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the pub they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"

She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey... At the pub... You know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it, A**hole?"

... and, they lived happily ever after.

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Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

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One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk.

He replied, "Who said that?!"

Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"

The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, "Cornelius."

The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"

The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.

A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."

The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.

"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, "Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog."

"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."

"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read, "Yankee Kills Family Pet."

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My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

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Mr.Richman has 3 daughters.
Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy.
One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow.
Then crazy when to the policeman and she said"Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman look at her then he said "What are you talking about?"
Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman said "What? Are you crazy?"
Then she said "Yes but how did you know my name?"

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A nun is walking down the street.
When suddenly a punk jumps out of the bushes and hits her over the head.
Proceeds to kick her in the groin and break her nose with a massive left hook.
As the nun is lying bleeding on the floor.
The guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.

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A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity. The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.

The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.

The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.

The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"

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What's the difference between a whale and a dyke?

Oh, about ten pounds, and a plaid shirt.

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That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"

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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

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This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man. "Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor.
"You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do", says the man. "Twice a day."

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A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

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Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?
"Oh", sighed Judy, "I had a wonderful time."
"I thought as much", her mother remarked, "Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!"

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One day a man and his dog walk into a bar. The owner of the dog says to the bartender "I bet 10 dollars my dog can talk". The bartender, naturally, accepts.
All of the sudden the dog starts reciting the Gettysburg adress. So the bartender layes down ten dollars and the dog grabbs it and runs out the door. The owner runs after the dog. He finds him in a back ally (kissing) a french poodle. The owner says to his dog "What are you doing? You've never done that before." The dog responds: "I've never had ten dollars before."

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Study: Marijuana use by seniors rises as boomers age

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Investigators looking into Web attacks on Google traced the intrusions to Jiaotong University and Lanxiang Vocational School, elite Chinese schools with strong American ties.

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Dow 10,383.38 -18.97 -0.18%

Nasdaq 2,242.03 -1.84 -0.08%

S&P 500 1,108.01 -1.16 -0.10%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.7990% +0.1700

Oil 80.03 +0.22 +0.28%

Gold 1,112.60 -8.70 -0.78%

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VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 19.94
Trade Time: 4:14pm ET
Change: 0.08 (0.40%)
Prev Close: 20.02
Open: 20.16
Day's Range: 19.59 - 21.00
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

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Mercedes Styles for the Geneva auto show, and Cadillac retrenches in Europe,...

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Gasoline heading above $3 a gallon by this summer- AP

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Panel Criticizes Toyota's Response to Accelerator Problem

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Banks already looking for ways to skirt new credit card rules- Tech Ticker

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New credit card rules kick in today giving consumers more protection against hidden fees, sudden rate hikes and predatory lending.

The Credit Card Accountability Responsibility and Disclosure Act (CARD Act) is the most sweeping reform in credit card history.

Highlights, as reported by SmartMoney.com, include:

-- No rate increases for the first 12 months after opening an account
-- Rate increases can only be applied to new charges.
-- Annual and application fees cannot exceed 25% of your initial credit line
-- No more double-cycle billing
-- A six-month minimum promotional-rate period
-- No more over-limit fees, unless the card holder opts in
-- Must give 45-day notice of pending rate or fee hikes or any other significant changes to credit-card terms
--No credit cards for college students unless co-signed by a parent or they can demonstrate "ability to pay."
As Aaron and Henry discuss in the accompanying clip this is a small step in the right direction of financial reform, but by no means a huge victory for consumers.

The credit card industry is already devising ways to skirt the rules and minimize the impact on their bottom line. Some banks have already found a way around the rate-hike issue, by raising rates and then using refunds to pay off some of that rate after the customer pays on time. Of course, if the payment is late the credit card company is there to impose the exorbitant rates of old.

There are also unintended consequences. Cardholders with top credit scores can expect to garner more attention. BusinessWeek says these customers will receive more reward points and deals for their card issuers -- along with higher annual fees.

Meanwhile, there's still no major reform of Wall Street or a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, leading Henry and Aaron to conclude the CARD Act is, at worst, a minor setback for banks, who are still winning the war.

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Bank of America hires 2 former Merrill executives- AP

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WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."

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Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

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A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman... almost." The priest says, "what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!" The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!"

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A woman was out shopping and her son was with her. They boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, " Momma, look at the bowlegged man."
Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.
Finally he finished and his mom took him out again to the mall shopping. Once again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time.
So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

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A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

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Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."
This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.
What can I do for you?"
The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."

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This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men.
What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.
They are very good at this.
They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday. I wasn't able to find
them on Sunday.

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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"

[teapeebubbles]

From affluent suburbs to inner-city neighborhoods, no part of Las Vegas was left unscathed by the precipitous drop in home values last year.

Some suffered more than others, but everybody lost ground.

The least pain was felt in ZIP codes 89107 and 89123, which saw only a 10 percent depreciation in median home prices. On the high end were ZIP codes 89109 and 89146, down 60 percent and 57 percent, respectively, Las Vegas-based SalesTraq reported.

Overall, the 12-month median price for an existing home in Las Vegas fell 38 percent in 2009 to $128,108, the firm reported. The average ZIP code drop was 23 percent and prices have fallen just 4 percent since April, bouncing between $125,000 and $120,000.

ZIP code 89107, bordering U.S. Highway 95 between Rancho Drive and Rainbow Boulevard, took the second-hardest hit in 2008 with a 50 percent decline in value. Last year's 10 percent dip brought the median home price down to $70,500.

ZIP code 89146, south of Charleston Boulevard between Rainbow and Decatur boulevards, was the only area with positive appreciation (3 percent) in 2008. The median price dropped 57 percent last year to $110,000.

"I think we're tremendously undervalued right now," SalesTraq President Larry Murphy said. "One reason I say that is because you can't replicate a home today for what you can buy it for. Nobody's going to build a home if they can't get their money out of it. That's why nobody's building."

New-home sales in Las Vegas hit a 24-year low in 2009 with 5,184 closings, a 48 percent decrease from the previous year. Residential building permits fell 32 percent to 3,766, SalesTraq reported.

Anyone who looks at a graph of where existing-home prices have gone in Las Vegas over the past 10 years can see how the market might be construed as undervalued, Murphy said. Prices peaked at $285,000 in 2006 and then dropped to $120,000 in August.

"Again, intuitively, if you look at this graph, a 10-year history of prices, you tell me if something in your gut doesn't tell you it's undervalued today," he said. "But I could be wrong. We all missed obvious signs of the bubble itself and I'm at the center of it."

Somebody must see value. Sales of existing homes jumped 57 percent to 48,075 in 2009, much of it investor-driven by deals on foreclosed homes. About three-fourths of the sales were foreclosures with a median price around $116,000 and roughly 40 percent were cash transactions.

That's another reason Murphy says homes are undervalued. Cash flow on rental homes is strongly positive, he said. A savings account or certificate of deposit on $150,000 might yield $1,500 a year, or $125 a month. Buying a house for $150,000 and renting it for $1,000 a month brings in $12,000 a year.

True, there are maintenance costs and property taxes on the rental home, but $1,500 versus $12,000: "Which do you prefer?" Murphy asked.

In the 1980s, investors were happy to break even on a rental home while deducting interest and taxes, he said. Maybe they'd make a decent profit if they held it for four or five years and then sold.

Realtor Rob Jenson said home prices are "unbelievably low." Many homes are selling for well below replacement costs in all sectors of the market.

Pricing bottoms are clear when looking at sales in specific neighborhoods, Jenson said. He sold two homes in January in The Ridges at the edge of Red Rock Canyon for $500 a square foot.

"When I look at comps (comparable sales), I look at a price that will move," he said. "One of the homes was $1 million and the other was $900,000. When I met with them, I told the million-dollar homeowner we might get $700,000 and the $900,000 home, not as upgraded, might get $650,000.

"Prices aren't coming down, they're already down and sellers are in denial. It's very hard for a seller to be objective about the price of their home because it's their last chance to get something back on their investment. Either sell it, rent it or take it off the market," Jenson said.

ZIP code 89138, which includes The Ridges, had the highest median price of $250,000, down 12 percent from $285,000 in 2008.

The lowest price was found in 89030 in North Las Vegas where the median fell from $49,000 to $42,000, or 16 percent.

Murphy thinks 2010 will be much like 2006 when home prices ended the year about where they started. The median will fluctuate between $120,000 and $125,000 this year, equal to price levels of 10 years ago, he said.

The rate of decline has slowed in Las Vegas, but the market still shows the largest slide since the housing downturn, Mountain View, Calif.-based real estate research firm Altos Research reported. The median asking price had dropped to $169,958 late last year, down 52 percent from $354,347 two years earlier.

Marta Borsanyi, principal of Newport Beach, Calif.-based Concord Group, said housing prices are bottoming out in Las Vegas, but a full recovery in the housing market won't occur until first quarter 2012. She defines full recovery as three to four new-home sales a month in each new subdivision and low single-digit home price appreciation.

The Concord Group reported the average new-home price dropped 18 percent in Las Vegas to $250,000 as of the third quarter. Only the Coachella Valley region in Southern California showed a steeper discount at 22 percent.

Housing prices have not yet stabilized in the Intermountain West region, which includes Nevada, and the aggregate rate of bank-owned properties remains high, especially in Las Vegas and Phoenix, an economic report from the Brookings Institution's Metropolitan Policy Program found.

Only Denver and Colorado Springs, Colo., registered slim year-over-year home price increases by the end of the third quarter. The region's rate of real estate-owned, or bank-owned, properties was 8.15 for every 1,000 mortgaged properties, nearly double the national rate.

REO rates in Las Vegas and Phoenix continued their upward trend, albeit at a slower rate, with 17.4 and 12.2 REOs, respectively, per 1,000 properties.

Banks foreclosed on about 26,000 homes in Las Vegas last year, and Murphy is predicting the same amount this year. The top foreclosure ZIP code was 89131 in northwest Las Vegas with 1,167 homes taken back by the bank.

Although some experts have been predicting a second wave of foreclosures for more than a year, Murphy is sticking by his 26,000 estimate.

"I don't disagree that we'll see more people get notices (of default) than last year, but the outcome will be different," the local housing analyst said.

Instead of foreclosing, banks will be doing more short sales, or deals in which homes are sold for less than the mortgage balance. A new law in Nevada requires mediation before a bank can foreclose on a home. It costs the homeowner $200, but more importantly, someone from the bank has to show up for mediation.

A growing trend that emerged last year is "strategic defaults," or people who make a financial decision to walk away from their mortgages because they owe more than their home is worth and may never recover their negative equity.

"If enough people feel hopeless in their situation, this strategic default maneuver could go viral," Murphy said. "People hear about their neighbors being gifted or forgiven $100,000 to $200,000 on their mortgage. What we risk is the whole integrity of the banking system. What if confidence is lost in the whole system?

"The only fly in the ointment to slowing down foreclosures is this loss of faith in the integrity of the system. What does your neighbor think of you getting mortgage relief? What if he says that's the thing for him to do? What if someone on Facebook or Twitter starts a campaign that June 1 is 'Don't Pay Your Mortgage Day?' Things can go viral overnight these days," he said.

One reminder: Nevada is a recourse state, which means lenders can sue for deficiency judgments on foreclosures and short sales. Homeowners could be on the hook for the difference.

Contact reporter Hubble Smith at [e-mail] or 702-383-0491.

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Updated: 6:39 PM MST on February 22, 2010
Phoenix
52.9° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 63%
Dewpoint: 41° F
Pressure: 29.91 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
SCT at 6000 ft
BKN at 7500 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy and colder. Slight chance of showers and thunderstorms in the evening. Lows 34 to 44. North wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Tuesday: Partly sunny in the morning...becoming mostly sunny. Not as cool. Highs 60 to 65. Northeast wind 5 to 10 mph.

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Honesty. What a concept

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"there are none so blind as those who will not see, and none so deaf as those that will not hear."

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Millionaires are in the minority because they do what most don't.

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Today's subliminal message is:

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Updated: 8:51 PM MST on February 22, 2010
Phoenix
48.2° F
Scattered Clouds
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 69%
Dewpoint: 38° F
Pressure: 29.97 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 6000 ft
SCT at 7500 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy and colder. Slight chance of showers and thunderstorms in the evening. Lows 34 to 44. North wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Tuesday: Partly sunny in the morning...becoming mostly sunny. Not as cool. Highs 60 to 65. Northeast wind 5 to 10 mph.

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Green Chili Burros

INGREDIENTS:
1-1/2 lbs brisket (or chuck roast), stewed 2 Tbsp oil 1/4 tsp garlic salt
pinch oregano salt to taste 1/8 tsp ground cilantro
3 Tbsp chopped onion 4 oz can cooked chilies, cut in strips 6 flour tortillas (burro size)

1 Before stewing meat, remove all visible fat. Stew until fully cooked. When cool, shred or cut into bite-size strips.
2 In a skillet, heat 2 tablespoons of oil, then combine meat and all seasonings. Cook for 2 minutes over high heat, stirring constantly. Allow meat to become dry. Reduce heat, add onion. Cover, simmer 10 minutes. Add chiles, blend in well.
3 Warm tortillas. When meat is fully heated, add meat to tortillas and wrap into burros.
4 Garnish burros with salsa.

[teapeebubbles]

Hacking inquiry puts China’s elite in new light

Intrusions on U.S. companies traced to computers at elite university

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You are what you eat. Which would you rather be: an apple or a candy bar? One of the best things about saving on food is that what’s cheaper is often the same as what's better for you. Apples cost less than candy, are more filling and are much better for you. Water is not only more healthful than soda, it's nearly free (from the tap). Legumes are a cheaper source of protein than meat and better for you as well.

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Don't buy bottled water. Ever. The fact that people pay for bottled water is further proof that enough advertising can make people do just about anything. If you really have concerns about water quality, buy a cheap water filter and fill your own bottles.

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Make your own salad dressing. Mix 1/2 cup of vinegar, 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt, 1/4 teaspoon of pepper, 1/2 teaspoon of dry mustard, 1 minced garlic clove and 1 cup of salad oil. Voila! Delicious salad dressing at a fraction of the cost.

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Adding cottage cheese to hamburger will enhance the flavor, add protein and allow you to increase servings from four to six per pound.

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Lightly buttering the edge of semihard cheese makes it less likely to form mold or dry out.

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Updated: 10:28 PM MST on February 22, 2010
Phoenix
44.8° F
Clear
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 76%
Dewpoint: 38° F
Pressure: 30.02 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
CLR
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Tonight: Partly cloudy early in the evening...becoming clear and colder. Lows 33 to 43. North wind 10 to 15 mph.


Tuesday: Sunny. Not as cool. Highs 60 to 65. Northeast wind 5 to 10 mph.

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Marijuana use increases by Americans 50 and up

Miami -- In her 88 years, Florence Siegel has learned how to relax: A glass of red wine. Some classical music. And every night like clockwork, she lifts a pipe to her lips and smokes marijuana. - 3:07 pm

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Updated: 2:35 PM MST on February 23, 2010
Phoenix
59.9° F
Partly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 25%
Dewpoint: 24° F
Pressure: 30.21 in
UV: 6 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Sunny. Highs 60 to 65. Northeast wind 5 to 10 mph.


Tonight: Partly cloudy. Lows 36 to 46. Northwest wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming northeast after midnight.

[teapeebubbles]

News Alert: Toyota Executive Says Recall Might 'Not Totally' Solve Accelera...

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Couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder.

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Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around, and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

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Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.

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A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"

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Evan and Dai were lost in the desert, and were dying of thirst. All at once they saw a collection of tents and market stalls in the distance. They rushed into the first and asked if they sold water.

"No," replied the Arab within, "We only have custard."

The men went into the next tent and asked the same question.

"I'm sorry," said the second Arab, "We only sell jelly."

Perplexed, the men went to the last stall in the market, once again asking if there is any water to spare.

"A thousand apologies," said the Arab, "We only have sponge cakes."

The men left, disappointed and a little confused.

"That was weird," said Evan.

"Yes," replied Dai, "It was a trifle bazaar."

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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.

The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north."

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"

"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything!

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.

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House Panel Criticizes Toyota's Response to Accelerator Problem

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Mercedes Styles for the Geneva auto show, and Cadillac retrenches in Europe,...

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Facts About Sex
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Global Facts About Sex
>>
>> At Any Given Moment:
>>
>>
>>
>> FACT:
>> 79,000,000 people are engaged in
>> sex -
>> right now.
>>
>>
>>
>> FACT:
>> 58,000,000 are kissing.
>>
>>
>>
>> FACT:
>> 37,000,000 are relaxing after
>> having sex.
>>
>>
>>
>> FACT:
>> 1 old person is reading emails.
>>
>>
>>
>> You hang in there, Sunshine ......

[teapeebubbles]

Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A. President James Lentz plans to stick to his guns and tell skeptical lawmakers Tuesday that the company's unwanted acceleration problems do not stem from electronic defects, a copy of his testimony shows. Lentz's reiteration of Toyota's longstanding position suggests that top company executives were unmoved by sharp criticism of that stance Monday by House Energy

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Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.

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A grandfather is a man grandmother.

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Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

[teapeebubbles]

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

[teapeebubbles]

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

[teapeebubbles]

They don't say, "Hurry up."

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Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

[teapeebubbles]

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

[teapeebubbles]

They can take their teeth and gums out.

[teapeebubbles]

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

[teapeebubbles]

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

[teapeebubbles]

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

[teapeebubbles]

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

[teapeebubbles]

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

[teapeebubbles]

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog."

[teapeebubbles]

Not to brag, but..

We are so very rich!!!!


Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth.


Stones in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood.


Lead in the Feet.

Iron in the Arteries.

And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

We never thought we'd accumulate such wealth.

[teapeebubbles]

McLaren releases video of new prototypes of the MP4-12C, the Drag Pak is back for the Dodge Challenger, and the Maserati Quattroporte Sport GT S Awards Edition heads for the Geneva auto show

[teapeebubbles]

JayBII gonna create a surplus of OIL and a shortage of plastic waste in no time. and more millionaires than CMKX along the way

[teapeebubbles]

testemax...

http://natebloch.com/

[teapeebubbles]

NSP Health Freedom Alert: Your Access to Supplements is Threatened!

[teapeebubbles]

You can't fix stupid

[teapeebubbles]

Dow 10,282.41 -100.97 -0.97%

Nasdaq 2,213.44 -28.59 -1.28%

S&P 500 1,094.60 -13.41 -1.21%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.6910% -1.0800

Oil 79.05 +0.19 +0.24%

Gold 1,102.70 -9.90 -0.89%

[teapeebubbles]

VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 21.37
Trade Time: 4:14pm ET
Change: 1.43 (7.17%)
Prev Close: 19.94
Open: 20.39
Day's Range: 20.06 - 21.94
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

[teapeebubbles]

Stocks retreat after disappointing consumer report- AP

The stock market fell sharply Tuesday after a surprising drop in consumer confidence reminded investors of the fragility of the economic recovery.

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Oil rally fizzles, drops below $80 a barrel- AP

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"Absolutely Devastating": Atlantic's McArdle Slams Toyota's Handling of Safety Issues- Tech Ticker

[teapeebubbles]

Brocade Shares Sink On Revenue Miss
at TheStreet.com(Tue 4:27pm)

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The days of new exotic cars emerging with astonishing amounts of horsepower may have reached their apex in 2009 model year and may decrease in the future, according to industry expert Tom duPont. Manufacturers at the top end of the auto industry are making luxury vehicles that perform better through lighter weight construction and advanced engine technology.

Tom duPont believes that, despite the luxury marketplaces' tradition of resisting environmental change, the technological advancements and social implications that go along with environmentally friendly vehicles are creating a "social consciousness" and greening of the exotic car market.

Readers of the duPont REGISTRY™ Exotic Car Buyers Guide will have the chance to take a look at the current industry leaders and winners of the "Best Of" Categories – on sale October 7.

Focusing on the eleven "Best Of" categories in the annual duPont REGISTRY™ Exotic Car Buyers Guide for 2009, the key stats illustrate the new peak in horsepower and trends for 2009:

* Total Price of vehicles in the all 11 "Best of" categories rose 200 percent from 2008-2009
o $1.5 million to more than $4.5 million
* Average price for the winning 11 categories was up 118 percent – an increase of $222,000 due mostly to the addition of two $2 million plus supercars this year
o In 2008 the average price of the "Best of" car was $188,000
o In 2009 the average price was just over $410,000
* The total cumulative horsepower skyrocketed by 57 percent from 4,276 to 6,723
o That is an increase of more than 2,447 hp
* Average horsepower is up by 13 percent from 2008
o On average, there was an increase of more than 75 hp per vehicle
* Interestingly, an average engine cylinder for the 11 winners was a V-10

"The trend of increasing raw horsepower may have peaked this year," says Thomas L. duPont, Publisher of the duPont REGISTRY™. "Some of the vehicles in this year's guide are going to be the last of their breed and we may see the horsepower fall and the carbon footprints reduce even faster over the next three years as the parent company manufacturers take into account the environmental realities."

With the recent introduction of powerful, ultra-luxury green machines to the automotive marketplace, there has been a fundamental shift in what influences buyers' decisions. The annual duPont REGISTRY™ Exotic Car Buyers Guide highlights the newest and most sought-after green exotics including the $2.3 million E85 clean-burning Koenigsegg CCXR, the electric Tesla Roadster and hydrogen-fueled Ronn Motors Scorpion.

Selected by the duPont REGISTRY™ luxury automotive experts for price, performance and value, the annual list incorporates the most exclusive and most powerful to assist buyers when choosing between sedans, convertibles, and green vehicles:

For 2009, the duPont REGISTRY™'s "Best Of" winners are

· 2009 Car of the Year: Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport
· Best New Performance Sedan: Bentley Flying Spur Speed
· Best New Performance Coupe: Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG Black Series
· Best New Convertible: Ferrari California
· Best New Exotic: Lamborghini Gallardo LP 560-4
· Best Exotic Concept: Saleen S5S Raptor
· Best Bang for the Buck: Corvette ZR1
· Best New Luxury Coupe: Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe
· Best Performing Green Exotic: Koenigsegg CCXR
· Best Green Car Innovation: Ronn Motors Scorpion
· Best Green Exotic: Tesla Roadster

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Updated: 10:08 PM MST on February 23, 2010
Phoenix
47.0° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 56%
Dewpoint: 32° F
Pressure: 30.24 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Tonight: Increasing clouds. Lows 35 to 45. North wind around 5 mph.


Wednesday: Partly cloudy and warmer. Highs 65 to 70. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming southeast in the afternoon.

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Aspirin cuts the risk of a first heart attack in men -- but not in women, an analysis of clinical trial data suggests.

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There are frightening bills, horrific bills, and Bugatti Veyron bills. The legendarily expensive to buy, it seems that the Veyron is equally expensive to keep running, with some pegging yearly running costs at $300,000. It's so expensive, in fact, that Autocar says there's an owner who trailers his car to a particular driving route, then follows behind in a private jet.

Let's just take the tires, for example: in the U.S., the Michelin Pilot Sport 2s fashioned with the Veyron's unique compound cost about $30,000; in the UK they're £23,500 ($38,216 U.S.). Bugatti recommends you change them every 4,000 kilometers, or 2,500 miles, and at every ten thousand miles the company recommends changing the wheels and tires, which runs north of $50,000.

In between those wheel changes will be things like routine maintenance, with a major annual service setting you back about $20,000. None of this is particularly unexpected so long as you remember the Veyron is more a roadgoing Space Shuttle than a car.

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Moments That Define a Relationship

Step back to examine just where you are on the road of your relationship and take pleasure in all of your firsts — from first kiss, to fighting to murmuring those three little words.

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1. The First Talk Until Dawn
Astronomers say it takes just over eight minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth. And that's about how long it feels you've been talking, though it's been over eight hours. "My God, look at the time!" you both say, cursing the violet sky. But it's a good sign if all you want to do is talk for a few million more trips into space and back.

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2. The First Kiss
We know: Duh. But how could we not mention that Big Red moment? It's like no other feeling in the world.

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3. When He Introduces You As "My Girlfriend"
It's so utterly high school that the title still straightens your spine. But how can it not? You're now officially pinned, picked, branded, wanted.

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4. The First Morning After
Some guys you wouldn't share a beet salad with, let alone a whole night. "You want coffee?" he asks the next morning, tossing the duvet your way as he pads to the kitchen. "Please," he's saying by the ease of his actions, "stay".

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5. The First "I Love You"
Jessica Simpson seems content to proclaim her love through national magazines. For the rest of us, though, the moment is fraught with anxiety: What if he stares at us blankly? What if we're saying it too soon, and ... Sorry, what was that? You do? Oh, thank God.

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6. The First "We"
The first time you write "we" in an e-mail to your friends — and they don't write back, "We? Who the heck is we?"

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7. The First Time You Fight (and Make Up)
Let's be honest: If you never fight, someone's not speaking up. Consider it like an oil change: a healthy way to clean out gunk so you can get back to the joy ride.

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8. The First Trip Together
What better way to gauge how you'll fare on your journey through life than to see how you survive hours of snaking security lines? It's also when you establish who'll get the window seat for the duration of your relationship — so act fast, woman.

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9. First Grocery-Shopping Trip Together
You know how his lips taste after a workout and a cold beer. You know to give him five minutes alone when he shakes his head in a "work sucked" kind of way. But to watch this man slip a family-size Fruit Loops into the basket with a dopey grin on his face — that's when you realize you still have worlds to learn about each other.

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10. The First Time You Get Control of His Car/Remote/iPod
Seriously, you don't know how hard it is for him to hand over something he worships so much. Not as much as he worships you, of course, but close. Scary close.

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11. The First Time You See a Future with Him
Some women could imagine having a future with the guys in a J. Crew catalog. But with the man you love, the future you see is sure-footed and sane: A foot rub after a long day. A laundry basket and a loving squeeze (though if he's folding, you really are dreaming).

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12. The First Time You Realize You're No Longer Primping for Him
Whoops! You're sitting on the couch in your baggiest sweats and rattiest T-shirt. Yet he's looking at you more lovingly than when you're all gussied up. Clearly, my dear, this is the real deal.

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13. The First Time You Take Care of Something Together
It doesn't really matter if it's a tomato garden or Rufus the drooling French bulldog. But when you're both responsible for taking care of another living thing, your pairing becomes much more important. Be proud as you watch it grow.

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14. The First Time You Commit to Each Other
We're talking long-term commitment, through thick and thin. On the one hand, it feels a bit like picking partners in the schoolyard. ("You want me on your team? Really? Me too!") On the other, it's a watershed moment, when you find yourself so profoundly lucky that someone you adore so much feels exactly the same way about you.

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The duPont Registry has listed the best cars in eleven categories, and taking the cake for 2009 Car of the Year is the Bugatti Veyron Gran Sport. Other winners, like the ZR1 for Bang for the Buck and Continental Flying Spur Speed for Performance Sedan, make up the usual murderers' row of marques and models. What isn't usual is that in just one year, the total price of all the cars jumped 200% to $4.5 million because of a certain Bug and a Koenigsegg, and that the total horsepower climbed 57%, from 4,276 to 6,723.

Oddly, though, duPont says that the era of hi-po supercars may have peaked, and things could be going green – but neither the list nor the facts on the ground bear it out. Of the eleven cars, only the Tesla and the Ronn Motors Scorpion could be considered green, and one of them doesn't even exist yet. As for the rest, we don't know what the opposite of green is, but none of the nine other cars are expected to have less horsepower in their follow-up guises. Which means there's still time to get some thrills in, as long as you've got at least $110,000 to spend...

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Updated: 11:14 PM MST on February 23, 2010
Phoenix
46.7° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 60%
Dewpoint: 34° F
Pressure: 30.24 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Tonight: Increasing clouds. Lows 35 to 45. North wind around 5 mph.


Wednesday: Partly cloudy and warmer. Highs 65 to 70. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming southeast in the afternoon.

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COFFEE FILTERS - Better than paper towels and a lot less expensive...

Coffee filters .... Who knew! And you can buy 1,000 at the Dollar Tree for
almost nothing, even the large ones.

1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make
excellent covers.

2. Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome. Coffee filters are lint-free so
they'll leave windows sparkling.

3. Protect China by separating your good dishes with a coffee filter
between each dish. I HAVE DONE THIS FOR YEARS.

4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine
bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.

5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to
absorb moisture and prevent rust.

6. Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.

7. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with
a coffee filter.

8. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a
kitchen scale.

9. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.

10. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a
coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.

11. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a
coffee filter.

12. Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of
coffee filters.

13. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken
fingers, etc on them. It soaks out all the grease.

14. Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor nick fixers."

15. As a sewing backing. Use a filter as an easy-to-tear backing for
embroidering or appliquéing soft fabrics.

16. Put baking soda into a coffee filter and insert into shoes or a closet
to absorb or prevent odors.

17. Use them to strain soup stock and to tie fresh herbs in to put in soups
and stews.

18. Use a coffee filter to prevent spilling when you add fluids to your
car.

19. Use them as a spoon rest while cooking and clean up small counter
spills.

20. Can use to hold dry ingredients when baking or when cutting a piece of
fruit or veggies. Saves on having extra bowls to wash.

21. Use them to wrap Christmas ornaments for storage.

22. Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.

23. Use them to sprout seeds. Simply dampen the coffee filter, place seeds
inside, fold it and place it into a plastic baggie until they sprout.

24. Use coffee filters as blotting paper for pressed flowers. Place the
flowers between two coffee filters and put the coffee filters in phone
book..

25. Use as a disposable "snack bowl" for popcorn, chips, etc.


OH YEAH THEY ARE GREAT TO USE IN YOUR COFFEE MAKER

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Charlie Sheen enters rehab

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General Motors Co. has started shutting down Hummer, after a proposed deal to sell the rugged brand to a Chinese company collapsed. The decision is the latest setback in GM's attempts to unload unwanted brands. - 3:37 pm

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The FBI in Detroit executed search warrants at the offices of three area automotive suppliers Tuesday night. The warrants were executed at the offices of Yazaki North America in Canton Township, Denso International in Southfield and Tokai Rika in Plymouth. - 3:37 pm

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$100M memo takes center stage at Toyota hearing....

Toyota Motor Corp.'s North American chief Yoshi Inaba came under withering criticism from Rep. John Mica, R-Fla., over the now infamous July 6, 2009 memo.

Mica called the document "embarassing" and deeply damaging to the company and its U.S. dealers. "To me it's unbelievable," Mica said.

Inaba said he doesn't remember the presentation "in any depth." But he added: "it is so inconsistent with the guiding principals of Toyota," Inaba said.

Mica said if any company authored a similar document it would be "one of the most injurious things you could do to anyone's reputation," he said.

The presentation -- among 75,000 pages of documents turned over to congressional investigators -- has become as close to a "smoking gun" in the Toyota recall investigation by Congress into its handling of more than 8.5 million vehicles recalled for sudden acceleration concerns.

The document -- a presentation by Toyota's Washington office to Inaba on his second day on the job as part of its orientation -- declares a number of "safety wins" by declaring or reducing the impact of recalls and safety regulations.

The memo -- first published by The Detroit News on Sunday -- bragged that Toyota safety officials in Washington were able to save more than $100 million over agreeing to recall just 55,000 floormats in 2007 over sudden acceleration issues. It wasn't until late 2009 that Toyota agreed to a far more comprehensive and expensive fix -- after the deaths of four motorists in California.

Some media reports erroneously said Inaba had written the memo. "I was stunned to find your name on it," Mica said.

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Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

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A minister in a little church announced from the pulpit, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief."

That week for the first time in months, everyone gave.

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Q: If Tarzan and Jane were from West Virginia, what would Cheetah be?
A: Pregnant.

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Maury and Pauly were sitting in the rockers on the front deck of the retirement home. Pauly says, "You know, even though I'm old and full of aches and pains, I don't feel too bad. How about you."

Maury says, "Me, I feel like a newborn baby!!!"

Pauly: "A newborn baby, how's that?"

Maury: "No hair, no teeth, and I just wet my pants."

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A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced.

When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who'd made the rounds of the campus. "Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course," he explained reassuringly. "This girl knows what the score is, and she's even a natural blonde."

The roommate arranged the date as promised.

The freshman was delighted by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and dancing.

On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in a cold sweat, and blurted out, "Gosh, I sure would love to have a little pussy."

"I would too," sighed the blonde, "Mine's the size of a goddamn milk pail."

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Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"

Still nothing, his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself..."

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SeaWorld Trainer Killed By Whale During Live Show

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Apple Creates New Category For 'Explicit' Content

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Washington -- Toyota Motor Corp. president Akio Toyoda apologized to Congress and the American people today, saying he was "deeply sorry" for accidents connected to the recall of 8.5 million vehicles worldwide over sudden acceleration issues. - 3:17 pm

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Dow 10,374.16 +91.75 +0.89%

Nasdaq 2,235.90 +22.46 +1.01%

S&P 500 1,105.24 +10.64 +0.97%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.6950% +0.0400

Oil 80.08 +1.22 +1.55%

Gold 1,096.50 -6.20 -0.56%

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VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 20.31
Trade Time: 4:06pm ET
Change: 1.06 (4.96%)
Prev Close: 21.37
Open: 21.23
Day's Range: 20.22 - 21.58
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

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SEC's New Restrictions Scapegoat Short Sellers

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The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results...

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Whirlpool Threatens Workers: Protesting Plant Closure Risks 'Future Jobs'

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Apple yanking racy iPhone apps

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Bananas
These contain bromelain, an enzyme thought to boost male libido. Don't like bananas? Pineapple is high in this sexy substance, too. (It even helps reduce joint pain.)

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Celery
This veggie is high in androsterone, a hormone released in male sweat that turns women on. (And normal amounts of sweat are OK, the just-back-from-basketball drench probably won't really make her come hither.)

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Figs
These not only have a sensuous flavor, but they're rich in amino acids that may set your desire afire.

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Garlic
It's likely to cancel the sweet breath provided by the apples, but it can also boost blood flow to sexual organs

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Wild Yams
These are thought to enhance genital sensitivity.

What's Your Wish?
Sexuality is a complex process that can be affected by many factors. But having a low sex drive isn't necessarily a problem if there's no underlying medical cause and you are satisfied with your level of sexual activity.

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Apples
An apple a day helps keep bad breath away—which keeps your partner closer than ever.

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Asparagus
This delicious veggie is rich in vitamin E—a key nutrient for hormone building. (Find out how asparagus affects your liver, too.)

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Oysters
These classic aphrodisiacs contain lots of zinc, an ingredient necessary for the production of testosterone.

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A healthy diet (one with little saturated fat or trans fat) and regular exercise are key to controlling cholesterol. But here's something else that matters: supplements. Early research shows that adding a calcium supplement to your diet could boost your blood levels of good cholesterol.

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Red Delicious apples are particularly rich in phenolics that do something magical to your bad cholesterol. They make the blood fats more stable, so they're less likely to oxidize, stick to the walls of your arteries, and cause a dangerous blockage.

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IN A MARKET FULL OF THIEVES, SOMETIMES YOU WILL HAVE TO FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT!

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Rule 1

Always follow the rules

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Rule 2

Know when to break the rules

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Toyota chief blasted by lawmakers despite apology- AP

Under blistering criticism, Toyota President Akio Toyoda personally and repeatedly apologized to Congress and millions of anxious American car-owners Wednesday for deadly defects in popular models produced by his Japanese company.

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Stocks rebound as Bernanke sees rates staying low- AP

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Bernanke sees low rates amid signs of weak rebound- AP

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Starbucks loses ground to rival

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Airlines single out those too fat to fly

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The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results...

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Limited Brands' 4Q profit rises on cost cutting- AP

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Smaller thrift industry breaks even in 2009- AP

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Heating oil, gas up slightly as storms hit- AP

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New home sales drop 11 percent in January, new low- AP

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Debut of promising fuel-cell tech light on details- AP

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Beyond Fruit and Veggies
Q. Okay, so nothing beats a fresh salad with olive oil dressing for a nutritional punch. But do I have to get all my antioxidants from fruit and veggies?

A. Nope. Dark chocolate, red wine, and nuts also offer antioxidant-like substances. They just aren't as low-cal or as good for you as produce. So consider them nice little once-in-a-while treats.

Tea and spices are other sources of antioxidants that you can load up on to your heart's content.

Quick tip: If you're looking to get the antioxidant health benefits from dark chocolate (yes, it contains heart-healthy flavonols), don't mix it with milk. Recent studies suggest that milk may interfere with the body's ability to absorb flavonols.

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Any way you slice it, if you eat a balanced diet with lots of vegetables and fruit, you're dealing yourself a pretty good hand in the vitamins and minerals game. But by employing a few of these nutrition-boosting tricks of the trade, you can turn your nutritional full house into a royal flush.

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To Microwave or Not to Microwave
Q. Does microwaving really zap all the vitamins and minerals from vegetables? If so, what's the best way to cook them?

A. The jury's still out on this one. Although some studies suggest the microwave is to blame for sucking nutrients out of food, others point a finger at the water in which they are cooked.

For most vegetables and fruit, any type of cooking lowers the nutrient content. So for now, a good rule of thumb is: Less is more.

Leave skin on whenever possible. Many fruits and vegetables hold most of their antioxidants in their skins. Simply wash well before cooking/eating.
Lightly steam vegetables instead of boiling, sauteing, or roasting. Better yet, go raw with a fresh salad.
If you prefer to blanch your veggies, dip them into boiling water for the least amount of time possible.
The exception is the red tomato. Cooking actually increases its level of lycopene -- an antioxidant thought to help prevent certain types of cancer, heart disease, and vision loss.

Quick Tip: Drizzle your vegetables with a bit of olive oil to help your body better absorb the vitamins and minerals.

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Fresh vs. Frozen
Q. I've always thought fresh is best when it comes to fruit and vegetables, but now my daughter tells me frozen foods have more nutrients. Who's right?

A. You're both right. It's true that fresh fruit and vegetables tend to taste better and have more nutritional value than frozen or canned. But that's not always the case.

Fresh is best when it really is farm-fresh and ripe. But many commercial fruits and veggies are picked before peak ripeness -- which also means before their nutritional peak -- to avoid spoilage during transport and storage. And just a few days after harvest, fruits and vegetables begin to lose some of their nutritive goodness. What's more, the longer they sit on the shelf -- during transport, in the supermarket, and in your fridge -- the fewer nutrients they have left to pass on to you.

On the other hand, vegetables and fruit intended for freezing are usually picked closer to the peak of ripeness and are flash-frozen immediately after harvest. The processing does deplete some nutrients, but it locks in the rest for up to 12 months. So in some instances, frozen fruit and veggies may actually have more of the vitamins and minerals your body needs.

Quick Tip: To help retain the highest levels of vitamin C, don't thaw frozen veggies before cooking. Studies show that vegetables cooked directly from frozen retain more vitamin C than vegetables that are thawed first.

For nutrient-rich fresh fruit and veggies, buy what's in season and grown locally. And eat it within a few days of purchase.

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Are you getting all the nutrients your produce has to give?

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Functional Fat
Q. I always use fat-free salad dressing to ensure I'm not loading up on extra calories. But I recently heard that full-fat salad dressing is best. How can that be?

A. It may seem counterintuitive, but it's true. Salad dressing with fat is best if you're after the antioxidants in the salad.

That's because some antioxidants, such as carotenoids found in carrots, tomatoes, spinach, and corn, need fat in order to be absorbed by your body. In one study, participants who added full-fat dressing to their salads absorbed more carotenoids than participants who used low-fat, fat-free, or no dressing. But that doesn't mean you should drench your veggies in high-fat, high-calorie dressings.

Instead, make those calories count by pairing fresh salads with a bit of healthy fat. Choose salad dressings with exclusively heart-healthy monounsaturated fats. Ones with a base of olive oil, canola oil, or even avocado are best.

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I've read that goat milk is healthier for you than cow's milk. Is this true?

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BRAIN TIRED NOW? OK, REFRESH IT…GO TAKE A NAP!

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Wed 4:35pm ET- Briefing.com

Despite an early slip, both stocks and commodities were able to rebound from their losses in the prior session. Coming off of its worst single-session

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Currencies Investing

Currency Pair Price Change
EUR/USD 1.3514 -0.0025
USD/JPY 90.1250 -0.0600
GBP/USD 1.5384 -0.0025

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Updated: 9:19 PM MST on February 24, 2010
Phoenix
59.5° F
Overcast
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 41%
Dewpoint: 36° F
Pressure: 30.01 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
BKN at 9500 ft
OVC at 20000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. Lows 41 to 48. Southwest wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.


Thursday: Partly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming west 5 to 10 mph in the afternoon.



Radar
Satellite

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Currency Converter

$1 U.S. Dollar (USD) = Japanese Yen 90.1550 ¥
Euro 0.7387 €

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Warren Buffett's long-time partner Charlie Munger offers a disturbing vision of the state of the economy and the nation.

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GM's New 'Car Guy' Sees a Ray of Hope - Fortune

Mark Reuss is trying to demonstrate that bankruptcy has changed GM and it isn't his father's company any more.

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Let the S&P 500 Guide Your Stock Picks- TheStreet

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What Detroit Can Teach Toyota- U.S. News

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How Much Do Oil ETFs Really Cost?- IndexUniverse

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Lingerie Model Running One Of World's Largest Drug Gangs

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Updated: 1:04 PM MST on February 25, 2010
Phoenix
68.4° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 30%
Dewpoint: 36° F
Pressure: 30.00 in
UV: 4 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 8000 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Partly sunny. Highs 67 to 72. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming west 5 to 10 mph in the afternoon.


Tonight: Partly cloudy. Lows 41 to 49. Northwest wind 5 to 15 mph in the evening...becoming northeast 5 to 10 mph after midnight.

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Banks Bet Greece Defaults on Debt They Helped Hide

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News Alert: G.M. Plans to Shut Down Hummer After Sale Falls Through

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Vitamin B3 is one of 8 B vitamins. It is also known as niacin (nicotinic acid) and has 2 other forms, niacinamide (nicotinamide) and inositol hexanicotinate, which have different effects from niacin.

All B vitamins help the body to convert food (carbohydrates) into fuel (glucose), which is "burned" to produce energy. These B vitamins, often referred to as B complex vitamins, also help the body metabolize fats and protein. B complex vitamins are necessary for healthy skin, hair, eyes, and liver. They also help the nervous system function properly.

Niacin also helps the body make various sex and stress-related hormones in the adrenal glands and other parts of the body. Niacin is effective in improving circulation and reducing cholesterol levels in the blood.

All the B vitamins are water-soluble, meaning that the body does not store them.

You can meet all of your body's needs for B3 through diet; it is rare for anyone in the developed world to have a B3 deficiency. In the United States, alcoholism is the prime cause of vitamin B3 deficiency.

Symptoms of mild deficiency include indigestion, fatigue, canker sores, vomiting, and depression. Severe deficiency can cause a condition known as pellagra. Pellagra is characterized by cracked, scaly skin, dementia, and diarrhea. It is generally treated with a nutritionally balanced diet and niacin supplements. Niacin deficiency also results in burning in the mouth and a swollen, bright red tongue.

Very high doses of B3 (available by prescription) have been shown to prevent or improve symptoms of the following conditions. However, taken at high doses niacin can be toxic, so you should take doses higher than the Recommended Daily Allowance only under your doctor's supervision. Researchers are trying to determine if inositol hexanicotinate has similar benefits without serious side effects, but so far results are preliminary.

High Cholesterol

Niacin (but not niacinamide) has been used since the 1950s to lower elevated LDL ("bad") cholesterol and triglyceride (fat) levels in the blood and is more effective in increasing HDL ("good") cholesterol levels than other cholesterol-lowering medications. However, side effects can be unpleasant and even dangerous. High doses of niacin cause flushing of the skin (which can be reduced by taking aspirin 30 minutes before the niacin), stomach upset (which usually subsides within a few weeks), headache, dizziness, and blurred vision. There is an increased risk of liver damage. A time-release form of niacin reduces flushing, but its long-term use is associated with liver damage. In addition, niacin can interact with other cholesterol-lowering drugs (see "Possible Interactions"). You should not take niacin at high doses without your doctor's supervision.

Atherosclerosis

Because niacin lowers LDL and triglycerides in the blood, it may help prevent atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) and is sometimes prescribed along with other medications. However, niacin also increases levels of homocysteine levels in the blood, which is associated with an increased risk of heart disease. This is another reason you should not take high doses of niacin without your doctor's supervision.

Diabetes

Some evidence suggests that niacinamide (but not niacin) might help delay the onset of insulin dependence (in other words, delay the time that you would need to take insulin) in type 1 diabetes. In type 1 diabetes, the body's immune system mistakenly attacks the cells in the pancreas that make insulin, eventually destroying them. Niacinamide may help protect those cells for a time, but more research is needed to tell for sure.

The effect of niacin on type 2 diabetes is more complicated. People with type 2 diabetes often have high levels of fats and cholesterol in the blood, and niacin, often in conjunction with other drugs, can lower those levels. However, niacin can also raise blood sugar levels, resulting in hyperglycemia, which is particularly dangerous for someone with diabetes. For that reason, anyone with diabetes should take niacin only when directed to do so by their doctor, and should be carefully monitored for hyperglycemia.

Osteoarthritis

One preliminary study suggested that niacinamide may improve arthritis symptoms, including increasing joint mobility and reducing the amount of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) needed. More research is needed to determine whether there is any real benefit.

Other

Alzheimer's disease -- Population studies show that people who get higher levels of niacin in their diet have a lower risk of Alzheimer's disease. No studies have evaluated niacin supplements, however.

Skin conditions -- Researchers are studying topical forms of niacin as treatments for acne, aging, and prevention of skin cancer, although it's too early to know whether it is effective.

Dietary Sources:
The best dietary sources of vitamin B3 are found in beets, brewer's yeast, beef liver, beef kidney, fish, salmon, swordfish, tuna, sunflower seeds, and peanuts. Bread and cereals are usually fortified with niacin. In addition, foods that contain tryptophan, an amino acid the body coverts into niacin, include poultry, red meat, eggs, and dairy products.

Available Forms:
Vitamin B3 is available in several different supplement forms: niacinamide, niacin, and inositol hexaniacinate. Niacin is available as a tablet or capsule in both regular and timed-release forms. The timed-release tablets and capsules may have fewer side effects than regular niacin; however, the timed-release versions are more likely to cause liver damage. Regardless of which form of niacin you're using, doctors recommend periodic liver function tests when using high doses (above 100 mg per day) of niacin.

How to Take It:
Daily recommendations for niacin in the diet of healthy individuals are listed below.

Generally, high doses of niacin are used to control specific diseases, such as high cholesterol. Such high doses are considered "pharmacologic" and must be prescribed by a doctor, who will have you increase the amount of niacin slowly, over the course of 4 - 6 weeks, and take the medicine with meals to avoid stomach irritation.

Pediatric

Infants birth - 6 months: 2 mg (adequate intake)
Infants 7 months - 1 year: 4 mg (adequate intake)
Children 1- 3 years: 6 mg (RDA)
Children 4 - 8 years: 8 mg (RDA)
Children 9 - 13 years: 12 mg (RDA)
Males 14 - 18 years: 16 mg (RDA)
Females 14 - 18 years: 14 mg (RDA)
Adult

Males 19 years and older: 16 mg (RDA)
Females 19 years and older: 14 mg (RDA)
Pregnant females: 18 mg (RDA)
Breastfeeding females: 17 mg (RDA)
Precautions:
Because of the potential for side effects and interactions with medications, you should take dietary supplements only under the supervision of a knowledgeable health care provider.

High doses (50 mg or more) of niacin can cause side effects. The most common side effect is called "niacin flush," which is a burning, tingling sensation in the face and chest, and red or "flushed" skin. Taking an aspirin 30 minutes prior to the niacin may help reduce this symptom.

At the very high doses used to lower cholesterol and treat other conditions, liver damage and stomach ulcers can occur. Your health care provider will periodically check your liver function through a blood test.

People with a history of liver disease or stomach ulcers should not take niacin supplements. Those with diabetes or gallbladder disease should do so only under the close supervision of their doctor.

Niacin should not be used if you have gout.

Taking any one of the B complex vitamins for a long period of time can result in an imbalance of other important B vitamins. For this reason, it is generally important to take a B complex vitamin with any single B vitamin.

Possible Interactions:
If you are currently taking any of the following medications, you should not use niacin without first talking to your health care provider.

Antibiotics, Tetracycline -- Niacin should not be taken at the same time as the antibiotic tetracycline because it interferes with the absorption and effectiveness of this medication. (All vitamin B complex supplements act in this way and should therefore be taken at different times from tetracycline.)

Aspirin -- Taking aspirin before taking niacin may reduce flushing associated with this vitamin, but should only be done under your doctor's supervision.

Anticoagulants (blood thinners) -- Niacin may make the effects of these medications stronger, increasing the risk of bleeding.

Blood Pressure Medications, Alpha-blockers -- Niacin can make the effects of medications taken to lower blood pressure stronger, leading to the risk of low blood pressure.

Cholesterol-lowering Medications -- Niacin binds bile-acid sequestrants (cholesterol-lowering medications such as colestipol, colesevelam, and cholestyramine) and may decrease their effectiveness. For this reason, niacin and these medications should be taken at different times of the day.

Recent scientific evidence suggests that taking niacin with simvastatin (a drug that belongs to a class of cholesterol-lowering medications known as HMG-CoA reductase inhibitors, or statins), appears to slow down the progression of heart disease. However, the combination may also increase the likelihood for serious side effects, such as muscle inflammation or liver damage.

Diabetes Medications -- Niacin may increase blood glucose (sugar) levels. People taking insulin, metformin, glyburide, glipizide, or other medications used to treat high blood sugar levels should monitor their blood sugar levels closely when taking niacin supplements.

Isoniazid (INH) -- INH, a medication used to treat tuberculosis, may lower levels of niacin in the body and cause a deficiency.

Nicotine Patches -- Using nicotine patches with niacin may worsen or increase the risk of flushing associated with niacin.

Alternative Names:
Inositol hexaniacinate; Niacin; Niacinamide; Nicotinamide; Nicotinic acid

Reviewed last on: 6/18/2009
Steven D. Ehrlich, NMD, Solutions Acupuncture, a private practice specializing in complementary and alternative medicine, Phoenix, AZ. Review provided by VeriMed Healthcare Network.
Supporting Research
Adding vitamins to the mix: skin care products that can benefit the skin [press release]. American Academy of Dermatology; March 11, 2000.

Antoon AY, Donovan DK. Burn Injuries. In: Behrman RE, Kliegman RM, Jenson HB, eds. Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics. Philadelphia, Pa: W.B. Saunders Company; 2000:287-294.

Brown BG, Zhao XQ, Chalt A, et al. Simvastatin and niacin, antioxidant vitamins, or the combination for the prevention of coronary disease. N Engl J Med. 2001;345(22):1583-1592.

Cumming RG, Mitchell P, Smith W. Diet and cataract: the Blue Mountains Eye Study. Ophthalmology. 2000;107(3):450-456.

Elam M, Hunninghake DB, Davis KB, et al. Effects of niacin on lipid and lipoprotein levels and glycemic control in patients with diabetes and peripheral arterial disease: the ADMIT study: a randomized trial. Arterial Disease Multiple Intervention Trial. JAMA. 2000;284:1263-1270.

Garcia-Closas R. et al. Food, nutrient and heterocyclic amine intake and the risk of bladder cancer. Eur J Cancer. 2007;43(11):1731-40.

Goldberg A, Alagona P, Capuzzi DM, et al. Multiple-dose efficacy and safety of an extended-release form of niacin in management of hyperlipidemia. Am J Cardiol. 2000;85:1100-1105.

Guyton JR. Niacin in cardiovascular prevention: mechanisms, efficacy, and safety. Curr Opin Lipidol. 2007 Aug;18(4):415-20.

Jacques PF, Chylack LT Jr, Hankinson SE, et al. Long-term nutrient intake and early age related nuclear lens opacities. Arch Ophthalmol. 2001;119(7):1009-1019.

Kuzniarz M, Mitchell P, Cumming RG, Flood VM. Use of vitamin supplements and cataract: the Blue Mountains Eye Study. Am J Ophthalmol. 2001;132(1):19-26.

Mittal MK, Florin T, Perrone J, Delgado JH, Osterhoudt KC. Toxicity from the use of niacin to beat urine drug screening. Ann Emerg Med. 2007;50(5):587-90.

Nutrients and Nutritional Agents. In: Kastrup EK, Hines Burnham T, Short RM, et al, eds. Drug Facts and Comparisons. St. Louis, Mo: Facts and Comparisons; 2000:4-5.

Physicians' Desk Reference. 54th ed. Montvale, NJ: Medical Economics Co., Inc.: 2000:1519-1523.

Raja R, Thomas JM, Greenhill-Hopper M, Ley SV, Almeida Paz FA. Facile, one-step production of niacin (vitamin B3) and other nitrogen-containing pharmaceutical chemicals with a single-site heterogeneous catalyst. Chemistry. 2008;14(8):2340-8.

Sanyal S, Karas RH, Kuvin JT. Present-day uses of niacin: effects on lipid and non-lipid parameters. Expert Opin Pharmacother. 2007 Aug;8(11):1711-7.

Torkos S. Drug-nutrient interactions: a focus on cholesterol-lowering agents. Int J Integrative Med. 2000;2(3):9-13.

Wolerton: Comprehensive Dermatalogic Drug Therapy, 2nd ed. Philadelphia, PA: Saunders Elsevier. 2007.

Zhao H, Yang X, Zhou R, Yang Y. Study on vitamin B1, vitamin B2 retention factors in vegetables. Wei Sheng Yan Jiu. 2008;37(1):92-6.

[teapeebubbles]

U.S. Mint rolls out a new penny

The Lincoln Cent has been redesigned again. But not everyone is celebrating.

[teapeebubbles]

Former Madoff executive charged with fraud

[teapeebubbles]

Casket Makers Dig In as Sales Take Hit- WSJ

[teapeebubbles]

Is S&P 1100 Another Chance for the Bears?- ETFguide

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Plunging Confidence Highlights Fragility of Recovery- IBD

[teapeebubbles]

Brace for Higher Interest Rates- WSJ

[teapeebubbles]

How Much Do Oil ETFs Really Cost?- IndexUniverse

[teapeebubbles]

What Detroit Can Teach Toyota- U.S. News

[teapeebubbles]

Let the S&P 500 Guide Your Stock Picks- TheStreet

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The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results...

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Wall Street Hit by Worries on Economy, Greece but Pares Losses in Late Trade- AP

Stocks have closed down but well off their lows as investors set aside some of their concerns about Greece's rising debt.

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Dow 10,321.03 -53.13 -0.51%

Nasdaq 2,234.22 -1.68 -0.08%

S&P 500 1,102.93 -2.31 -0.21%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.6420% -0.5300

Oil 78.26 -1.74 -2.17%

Gold 1,107.80 +11.30 +1.03%

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VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 20.10
Trade Time: 4:14pm ET
Change: 0.17 (0.84%)
Prev Close: 20.27
Open: 22.03
Day's Range: 20.06 - 22.68
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

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Rates on 30-year home loans rise to 5.05 pct- AP

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A parsing expression grammar, or PEG, is a type of analytic formal grammar that describes a formal language in terms of a set of rules for recognizing

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Updated: 3:51 PM MST on February 25, 2010
Phoenix
72.3° F
Scattered Clouds
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 29%
HeatIndex: 76° F
Dewpoint: 38° F
Pressure: 29.95 in
UV: 4 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 8000 ft
SCT at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 41 to 49. West wind 10 to 15 mph in the evening...becoming northeast 5 to 10 mph after midnight.


Friday: Partly sunny. Highs 67 to 72. East wind 5 to 10 mph.

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The 2011 Porsche Cayenne hybrid is set for the Geneva auto show

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Apple's Jobs says cash hoard means security- Reuters

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Madoff daughter-in-law seeks to shed surname- CNNMoney

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Fed optimistic on changing Wall St pay packages- Reuters

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Stock investors these days need PhD in currencies- CNBC

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Toyota may miss N. American production target- Reuters

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Bob Prechter is wrong on deflation- Tech Ticker

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Govt. interference makes it "almost impossible" to forecast stocks- Tech Ticker

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Blockbuster to close 500 stores

[teapeebubbles]

Express Scripts, TJX Hit Highs
at TheStreet.com(Thu 4:33pm)

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General Motors said today it will wind down its Hummer SUV line after failing to complete a deal to sell the brand to China's Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery Co.

"We are disappointed that the deal with Tengzhong could not be completed," John Smith, GM vice president of corporate planning and alliances, said in a statement.

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The Hummer is a large SUV that was modified from a U.S. Army vehicle that was very visible during the 1991 Persian Gulf War. It came to personify big, gas-guzzling vehicles.

But its popularity crashed when gasoline prices began to soar.

"GM will now work closely with Hummer employees, dealers and suppliers to wind down the business in an orderly and responsible manner," Smith said.

A source briefed on the situation said Tuesday that Beijing had rejected a bid by Tengzhong, an industrial equipment maker based in Sichuan province, to buy the money-losing brand from GM.

GM said it will continue to honor warranties and provide service support and spare parts to current Hummer owners.

Hummer has nearly 400 dealerships globally, including 153 in the United States, The New York Times said.

About 3,000 jobs in the United States could be affected by the shutdown, including positions at GM and the brand’s dealerships.

A factory in Shreveport, La., that builds the Hummer H3 and H3T and other GM trucks already was scheduled to close by 2012.

The larger H2 was built for GM by A. M. General in Mishawaka, Ind., until December, when production was temporarily halted to allow for the sale process to conclude.

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Express Scripts Hits The Fast Lane
at Forbes.com(Thu 4:00pm)

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We Need To Stop Circumcision

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drive by board

http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.aspx?board_id=17180

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Gay Miss California Pageant Director Defends Contestant's Homophobic Comments

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Updated: 8:06 PM MST on February 25, 2010
Phoenix
63.1° F
Clear
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 34%
Dewpoint: 34° F
Pressure: 29.99 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
CLR
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 41 to 49. West wind 10 to 15 mph in the evening...becoming northeast 5 to 10 mph after midnight.


Friday: Partly sunny. Highs 67 to 72. East wind 5 to 10 mph.

[teapeebubbles]

Andrew Koenig

Police find body of 'Growing Pains' actor

[teapeebubbles]

Couple sued for installing 'ugly' IKEA kitchen in rental

[teapeebubbles]

Internal WellPoint e-mails reveal company increased premiums to maintain higher profits.

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Updated: 9:45 PM MST on February 25, 2010
Phoenix
55.9° F
Clear
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 46%
Dewpoint: 35° F
Pressure: 30.02 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
CLR
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 41 to 49. West wind 10 to 15 mph in the evening...becoming northeast 5 to 10 mph after midnight.


Friday: Partly sunny. Highs 67 to 72. East wind 5 to 10 mph.

[teapeebubbles]

I didn't want to be famous. I just wanted to earn enough money to have a nice life

[teapeebubbles]

Fear, conformity, immorality: these are heavy burdens. They drain us of creative energy. And when we are drained of creative energy, we do not create. We procreate, but we do not create.

[teapeebubbles]

Atticus Finch, was voted the greatest screen hero of all time by the American Film Institute in May 2003, only two weeks before his death (beating out Indiana Jones, who was placed second, and James Bond who came third).

[teapeebubbles]

Confucius: Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.

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Tony, the Italian milkman, had a door-to-door delivery service. A lady called down from her apartment, "Hey, Tony, I need two bottles of milk."

"What apartment, lady?"

She said, "4 Q."

Tony said, "4 Q too, lady!"

[teapeebubbles]

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.

[teapeebubbles]

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."

[teapeebubbles]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in Conception Bay, Nfld., a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.

"We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her?"

The Mounties looked at each other; one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the husband said, "Give me the bad news first."

The second Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The Mountie answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

[teapeebubbles]

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school .

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue.

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Q: What do you call someone in congress who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?
A: A tourist.

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 1:44 PM MST on February 26, 2010
Phoenix
68.7° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: NE at 5.0 mph
Humidity: 24%
Dewpoint: 30° F
Pressure: 30.08 in
UV: 4 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 20000 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Partly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. East wind 5 to 10 mph.


Tonight: Partly cloudy. Lows 43 to 51. Northeast wind 5 to 10 mph.

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"The Dalai Lama is now on Twitter. Today, he got to find out what Tila Tequila had for breakfast." -- Jimmy Kimmel

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Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

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Brenda's six-year-old daughter was explaining to the other kids what "extinct" meant:

"Well," she said in all seriousness, "it means that the dinosaurs are all dead and have been dead so long they don't stink anymore. That's why they call them exstinked."

[teapeebubbles]

Q: How do you tell the female from the male chromosome?
A: Pull down her genes.

[teapeebubbles]

A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."

[teapeebubbles]

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

[teapeebubbles]

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls it out again and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He repeats the procedure. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What kind of degenerate are you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?"

The man looks at her and replies, "Pepper."

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.

[teapeebubbles]

All New York City public schools will be closed on Friday in
response to the huge snowstorm that pounded the region
overnight.

Dozens of other school districts in New Jersey, Westchester
County and Long Island also canceled classes on Friday.
Before dawn, snow was still falling heavily, leaving
foot-deep drifts in Times Square and turning roads across the
region into skating rinks.

[teapeebubbles]

Dow 10,325.26 +4.23 +0.04%

Nasdaq 2,238.26 +4.04 +0.18%

S&P 500 1,104.49 +1.56 +0.14%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.5950% -0.4700

Oil 79.66 +1.44 +1.84%

Gold 1,118.30 +10.50 +0.95%

[teapeebubbles]

VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 19.50
Trade Time: 4:14pm ET
Change: 0.60 (2.99%)
Prev Close: 20.10
Open: 19.88
Day's Range: 19.32 - 20.53
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

[teapeebubbles]

State officials cite group home in LV

A patient lying in his own feces. Cockroach infestation. No running water in a bathroom sink used by food handlers. Prescribed medicines not given to patients.

[teapeebubbles]

NuVasive says insurers OK coverage of therapy; shrs up
at Reuters(Fri 5:03pm)

[teapeebubbles]

What are the hottest spots in the U.S. for those hunting for a new retirement locale?

[teapeebubbles]

I've built a hell of a good life without being in the driver's seat.

[teapeebubbles]

Toyota withheld crash lawsuit evidence- AP

[teapeebubbles]

Wynn Resorts to hire workers for new clubs | 12:50 p.m.

[teapeebubbles]

Fannie Mae Posts Wants $15.3 Billion MORE Government Aid

[teapeebubbles]

Gatorade Drops Tiger Woods: Third Major Sponsor To Leave

[teapeebubbles]

Bank Of America CEO Left With $83 Million In Pay

[teapeebubbles]

Coco's Crack Off MySpace

[teapeebubbles]

Fannie Mae seeks $15.3B in gov't aid after 4Q loss- AP

[teapeebubbles]

Citigroup CEO Pandit earns $128,000 in 2009 pay- AP

[teapeebubbles]

China still biggest foreign buyer of US securities- AP

[teapeebubbles]

Kim Yu-Na's Night

South Korean wins, USA's Nagasu takes fourth in figure skating

[teapeebubbles]

Couple sued for installing 'ugly' IKEA kitchen in rental

[teapeebubbles]

Actor Gary Coleman rushed to hospital after seizure

[teapeebubbles]

his farting under the covers and making his wife smell it was the last straw.

[teapeebubbles]

Ohno Gets No. 8....

US star rebounds from DQ to capture bronze in relay

[teapeebubbles]

Storm halts travel, cuts power in eastern usa

[teapeebubbles]

Dog saves boy from cougar

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 1:18 PM MST on February 27, 2010
Phoenix
68.8° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: East at 2.0 mph
Humidity: 29%
Dewpoint: 35° F
Pressure: 29.72 in
UV: 4 out of 16
Clouds:
SCT at 12000 ft
BKN at 20000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Increasing clouds. A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon. Breezy with highs 67 to 72. East wind 5 to 10 mph in the morning...becoming southeast 10 to 20 mph in the afternoon. Gusts to 30 mph in the afternoon. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Tonight: Showers with a chance of thunderstorms. Small hail and areas of blowing dust possible. Windy with lows 43 to 53. South wind 20 to 25 mph in the evening...becoming southwest 10 to 20 mph after midnight. Gusts to 35 mph in the evening. Chance of measurable rain near 100 percent.

[teapeebubbles]

Huge quake hits Chile; tsunami threatens Pacific

TALCA, Chile (AP) -- One of the strongest earthquakes ever recorded, 8.8, struck Chile on Saturday, toppling homes, collapsing bridges

[teapeebubbles]

Huge quake hits Chile; tsunami now threatens Pacific

Santiago, Chile -- An 8.8-magnitude earthquake struck Chile early Saturday, killing at least 147 people, collapsing buildings and setting off a tsunami. - 2:32 pm

[teapeebubbles]

All the steriods made his other Louisville slugger not
such a champ

[teapeebubbles]

Cruel, nasty, neurotic, paranoid, antisocial, but basically happy

[teapeebubbles]

Doug replies, "Sorry Bill, I have to go to the drugstore to pick up a 'patch' subscription for my wife. She's quitting smoking today."

"Oh okay, well, good luck to her!" Bill said.

"Yeah, well it is really lucky me," grinned Doug. "I told her to let me know any time she has an urge to put something in her mouth to suck on."

[teapeebubbles]

Q: What's the difference between a Man and a vibrator?
A: One is cold and impersonal, and the other needs a battery.

[teapeebubbles]

The gig was just about ready to start when the bandleader called the female singer over and said: "Listen, tonight we're going to begin the set with 'April in Paris', but I want to do it a little differently. We'll start in the key of G for the first four bars, then modulate to B-flat for the next eight bars, change the meter to 3/4 for six bars, then pick up the tempo to Allegro for twelve bars, then modulate to F-sharp for eight bars, change the meter back to 4/4 and slow down to Rubato for four bars, play a tacet for four bars, modulate up to D-flat for eight bars..."

"HEY, HOLD ON!" the girl said. "I can't do stuff like that without rehearsal!"

He said, "Why not? You've been doing it all week long!"

[teapeebubbles]

One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"

The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand. The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.

Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Johnny?"

"Miss Figpot, it means lovely."

Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"

"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'That's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"

[teapeebubbles]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Why are men like the letter Q?
A: A big zero with a small tail.

[teapeebubbles]

ck this asap....

http://insidetv.aol.com/2010/02/24/octomoms-bizarre-appearance-on-the-view-video/?icid=main|aim|dl7|link1|http%3A%2F%2Finsidetv.aol.com%2F2010%2F02%2F24%2Foctomoms-bizarre-appearance-on-the-view-video%2F

[teapeebubbles]

Jim Carrey's a grandpa

[teapeebubbles]

Hawaii Braces for Possible Tsunami

Deadly quake in Chile sends menacing waves across Pacific Ocean

[teapeebubbles]

Nearly four years into the housing crash, home sellers finally are starting to price their homes in line with reality.

Newly listed houses have lower asking prices than homes that have been on the market for weeks or months, according to Altos Research, a Mountain View, Calif., company that analyzes data for the real-estate industry.

For example, in mid-February, the median price of a new listing in Altos' 10-city index -- covering Boston, Chicago, Denver, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, San Diego, San Francisco and Washington -- was $437,000, compared with $483,000 for older listings.

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 3:14 PM MST on February 27, 2010
Phoenix
71.2° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: SSE at 1.0 mph
Humidity: 27%
HeatIndex: 76° F
Dewpoint: 36° F
Pressure: 29.65 in
UV: 3 out of 16
Clouds:
SCT at 13000 ft
BKN at 20000 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Increasing clouds. A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon. Breezy with highs 67 to 72. East wind 5 to 10 mph in the morning...becoming southeast 10 to 20 mph in the afternoon. Gusts to 30 mph in the afternoon. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Tonight: Showers with a chance of thunderstorms. Small hail and areas of blowing dust possible. Windy with lows 43 to 53. South wind 20 to 25 mph in the evening...becoming southwest 10 to 20 mph after midnight. Gusts to 35 mph in the evening. Chance of measurable rain near 100 percent.

[teapeebubbles]

First Graders Can't Identify Fruits And Veggies On Jamie Oliver's New Show

[teapeebubbles]

Home sellers finally get real

Listing prices are drawing increasingly closer to what the market will bear. As a consequence, buyers are facing a new reality of their own: Less bargaining power.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/HomebuyingGuide/home-sellers-finally-get-real.aspx

[teapeebubbles]

20.8 Inches Of Snow In Central Park

[teapeebubbles]

Quake leaves Chile in 'catastrophe'

[teapeebubbles]

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — An argument between two female flight attendants forced the cancellation of an Atlanta-bound flight at an airport in upstate New York.

[teapeebubbles]

Bode Miller's Olympics OVER After Missed Gate

Team USA Breaks Medal Record.. Ohno Wins EIGHTH..

[teapeebubbles]

The Pacific Tsunami Warning Center canceled an alert for
Hawaii on Saturday, after waves caused erratic surges in the
sea but did not appear to cause significant property damage.

Gerard Fryer, a geophysicist at the center, told The
Associated Press that the state had "dodged a bullet" after a
major earthquake in Chile a half-day earlier had caused
tsunami warnings to be issued for most of the Pacific basin.

[teapeebubbles]

Housing market shows weakness for 2nd month- AP

[teapeebubbles]

China still biggest foreign buyer of US securities- AP

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 5:52 PM MST on February 27, 2010
Phoenix
70.4° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: SE at 3.0 mph
Humidity: 24%
HeatIndex: 75° F
Dewpoint: 32° F
Pressure: 29.59 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 13000 ft
BKN at 20000 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Windy. Showers and slight chance of thunderstorms. Small hail possible. Lows 43 to 53. South wind 15 to 25 mph. Gusts to 35 mph in the evening. Chance of measurable rain near 100 percent.


Sunday: Cloudy. Showers likely in the morning. Isolated thunderstorms. Chance of showers in the afternoon. Much cooler. Highs 53 to 58. Southwest wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 70 percent.

[teapeebubbles]

Hawaii: 'We dodged a bullet' as tsunami warning canceled

Breaking

HONOLULU -- A tsunami triggered by the Chilean earthquake sent a surge of water ashore in Hawaii, California and islands in the South Pacific today...

[teapeebubbles]

AIG narrows 4Q loss, continues restructuring- AP

[teapeebubbles]

Zedillo named to Citi board; 2 members step down- AP

[teapeebubbles]

Officials: Chinese Medalist Was Underage

[teapeebubbles]

Oops! MSNBC Gets Prank Called By Phony Team USA Goalie

[teapeebubbles]

Howard Stern To Host Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant

[teapeebubbles]

Naked Sledding Race Draws 14,000 Spectators

[teapeebubbles]

Admiral Ackbar Could Be Next Ole Miss Mascot

[teapeebubbles]

Kim Yu-Na Wins Gold With Record Figure Skating Score

[teapeebubbles]

Death Toll Rising After Massive Chile Quake

[teapeebubbles]

Tsunami Waves Wash Ashore, Little Impact

No damage reported from initial waves triggered by deadly quake in Chile

[teapeebubbles]

Schools will suffer without funds

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 8:04 PM MST on February 27, 2010
Phoenix
65.3° F
Scattered Clouds
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 28%
Dewpoint: 31° F
Pressure: 29.57 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 12000 ft
SCT at 20000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Windy. Showers and slight chance of thunderstorms. Small hail possible. Lows 43 to 53. South wind 15 to 25 mph. Gusts to 35 mph in the evening. Chance of measurable rain near 100 percent.


Sunday: Cloudy. Showers likely in the morning. Isolated thunderstorms. Chance of showers in the afternoon. Much cooler. Highs 53 to 58. Southwest wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 70 percent.

[teapeebubbles]

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 2:31 PM MST on February 28, 2010
Phoenix
56.1° F
Overcast
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 83%
Dewpoint: 51° F
Pressure: 29.81 in
UV: 2 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 1400 ft
BKN at 2500 ft
OVC at 3900 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Cloudy early...becoming partly cloudy this afternoon. Scattered showers mainly in the morning. Cooler with highs 58 to 63. Southwest wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 50 percent.


Tonight: Partly cloudy. Lows 41 to 50. West wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming light after midnight.

[teapeebubbles]

"His (Simon Cowell's) girlfriend is a 36-year-old makeup artist from Afghanistan, and she's now worth more than Afghanistan." -- Jimmy Kimmel, on Cowell's engagement to Mezhgan Hussainy.

[teapeebubbles]

have heard from many reliable sources that you buy cotton balls by the case for your nose and ears....

acct you can't stand to hear the women screaming

nor can you tolerate the smell of burning latex ;)

[teapeebubbles]

Cynics are just more observant of reality.

[teapeebubbles]

"I was great in sports when I was young," a man said to his wife. "Why I had the body of an athlete."

"Well," replied his wife, "at least you still have the feet!"

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?
A: The term comes with a 10% discount.

[teapeebubbles]

Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.

One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..."

Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...."

Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine YES OR NO?"

Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"

Sam answers, "Eleven years!"

[teapeebubbles]

A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.

Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him."

So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over."

So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes.""What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO assholes?"

"Yup, that's right, everybody knew Clyde had two assholes.

Ever time we went to town, folks would say... 'Here comes that thar Clyde with them two assholes!'

[teapeebubbles]

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'

'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?' 'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?'

[teapeebubbles]

February auto sales will rise an estimated 9 percent to 14 percent, a smaller than expected increase in the U.S. due to a shortage of hot-selling models, East Coast snowstorms and Toyota Motor Corp.'s recall problems, according to industry forecasters. - 3:07 pm

[teapeebubbles]

Apple Admits Using Child Labor

[teapeebubbles]

Parts Of U.S. Have Higher HIV Rates Than Africa

[teapeebubbles]

February auto sales will rise an estimated 9 percent to 14 percent, a smaller than expected increase in the U.S. due to a shortage of hot-selling models, East Coast snowstorms and Toyota Motor Corp.'s recall problems, according to industry forecasters. - 3:07 pm

[teapeebubbles]

Sleep exactly seven hours a night, not a minute more, not a minute less

[teapeebubbles]

Man, there just isn't much of a downside to a good crap: It gives us time alone, to think, to read--to better ourselves in a plethora of ways. Pooping is what most of us in the Western world do instead of meditating. Aside from the occasional bathroom that must be exorcised, burned and the Earth beneath it salted so that nothing might ever grow on that accursed land again, there's no downside to a good, solid (sorry) bowel movement, right?

[teapeebubbles]

Dermatillomania (also known as compulsive skin picking or CSP) is an impulse control disorder and form of self-injury characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused. Dermatillomania can be a compulsion of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).

[teapeebubbles]

Death Toll Tops 700 in Chile

Chile's president sends in army to help police combat looting amidst rescues

[teapeebubbles]

Olympics Alert: Canada Wins Hockey Gold With 3-2 OT Victory Over U.S.

[teapeebubbles]

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

[teapeebubbles]

6 Things Your Body Does Every Day (That Can Destroy You)

http://www.cracked.com/article_18415_6-things-your-body-does-every-day-that-can-destroy-you.html

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 5:11 PM MST on February 28, 2010
Phoenix
59.0° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: East at 1.0 mph
Humidity: 70%
Dewpoint: 49° F
Pressure: 29.84 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 3700 ft
BKN at 4800 ft
BKN at 7000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. Slight chance of showers in the evening. Patchy fog after midnight. Lows 40 to 48. West wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming east around 5 mph after midnight. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Monday: Mostly sunny. Patchy fog in the morning. Much warmer. Highs 66 to 71. East wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

[teapeebubbles]

Toyota President Akio Toyoda will speak in Beijing on Monday about the company's recent quality woes, Toyota said Sunday, in an effort to reassure consumers in a major growth market.

[teapeebubbles]

Jimmie Johnson reeled in teammate Jeff Gordon, who had dominated Sunday's race at Las Vegas Motor Speedway, to win for the second consecutive week.

[teapeebubbles]

The reality star who goes by J-WOWW celebrated her birthday in Las Vegas Saturday night.

Jenni "JWoww" Farley walked the red carpet, donned two different form-fitting dresses, and capped it all off with a tiara to celebrate turning 25 at the Moonlight nightclub in the Palms Resort Casino in Las Vegas on Saturday night.

[teapeebubbles]

On the surface, Liberty Media Interactive (LINTA, news, msgs) seems pretty simple. It's a tracking stock that represents the value of the QVC home shopping networks, some retail Web sites and stock owned by its parent, Liberty Media, an unlisted company.

But there's a catch. That parent company is run by media mogul John Malone. Being the Energizer Bunny of deal making that he is, Malone has an intricate series of business regroupings and spinoffs planned for his empire.

[teapeebubbles]

Crosstex Energy Services (XTXI, news, msgs) suffers from a double whammy. It's been crushed with the energy group. And as a master limited partnership (MLP) operating natural-gas infrastructure, Crosstex has substantial debt. It borrowed a weighty $1.1 billion to build pipelines and processing plants.

Investors worry the credit crunch will make it hard for Crosstex to refinance that debt, causing it to sell valuable assets cheap. Or even worse, it might cut its dividend -- one of its main attractions. MLPs pay out virtually all profits as dividends. Crosstex now boasts a juicy 32% dividend yield.

[teapeebubbles]

A small play on a big food shortage

While Caterpillar (CAT, news, msgs) and other giants in agricultural equipment announce big layoffs, a tiny competitor, Art's Way Manufacturing (ARTW, news, msgs), says demand for its niche farm equipment is still fine.

"We have the same backlog as we did a year ago," Art's Way Chairman J. Ward McConnell Jr. told me last week. Orders for one line of equipment -- silage blowers -- are actually up.

Yet Art's Way stock has fallen more than 80% from highs last year, trading recently at $3.70 a share. If business truly is holding up, the stock looks like an attractive buy -- partly because costs should be down because the prices of steel and fuel have fallen. We'll find out more when earnings are released in late February.

[teapeebubbles]

Like the famous TV-show pitch for "Seinfeld," Soapstone Networks (SOAP, news, msgs) is essentially a company about nothing. A once-hot 1990s tech play, then known as Avici Systems, Soapstone exited its router business last year. Quarterly revenue dwindled to just $2.3 million in the third quarter of 2008 from $45 million in the last quarter of 2007. Operating cash flow went into the red.

So why bother? Because, while its stock trades for only $2.40 a share, the company has more than $6 a share in cash. This, of course, makes no sense. The company will use the cash to launch a business, get bought out at levels well above $2.40 a share or issue a special cash dividend. In any scenario, shareholders are likely to win. That's why the stock is a holding of John Buckingham, the manager of the Al Frank Fund (VALUX) and publisher of The Prudent Speculator, a top-ranked investing newsletter.

[teapeebubbles]

5 fine stocks under $5 Company Sector Buy below this share price
Northern Dynasty Minerals (NAK, news, msgs)
Gold mining
$4.25

Crosstex Energy Services (XTXI, news, msgs)
Energy
$3.75

Liberty Media Interactive (LINTA, news, msgs)
Media
$3.75

Art's Way Manufacturing (ARTW, news, msgs)
Farm equipment
$4.00

Soapstone Networks (SOAP, news, msgs)
Cash-rich play
$2.80

[teapeebubbles]

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

[teapeebubbles]

Now, that's great service

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 8:07 PM MST on February 28, 2010
Phoenix
55.6° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: SSE at 4.0 mph
Humidity: 81%
Dewpoint: 50° F
Pressure: 29.93 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 3800 ft
BKN at 4800 ft
BKN at 7000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. Slight chance of showers in the evening. Patchy fog after midnight. Lows 40 to 48. West wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming east around 5 mph after midnight. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Monday: Mostly sunny. Patchy fog in the morning. Much warmer. Highs 66 to 71. East wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

[teapeebubbles]

5,200 Naked Australians Converge On Sydney Opera House

[teapeebubbles]

Starbucks Lets Customers Bring Laptops, Guns

[teapeebubbles]

Chile President Appeals for Aid

As death toll climbs, country's army is sent to coastal city due to looting

[teapeebubbles]

Accessories Abound At Milan Fashion Week

[teapeebubbles]

Germany's Merck buying Millipore for $6B plus debt- AP

[teapeebubbles]

SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way,
be modest and smile pleasantly.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror --
make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut
and jaffa cake body wash .

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Rinse off.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, be modest and smile pleasantly

[teapeebubbles]

SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her
making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,
and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her
and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

[teapeebubbles]

Chile Prepared For 8.8, While Haiti Was Overwhelmed By 7.0

[teapeebubbles]

Chile quake death toll hits 708 as rescue ramps up

[teapeebubbles]

60,000 attend Winter Olympics closing ceremony

[teapeebubbles]

Nikkei 225 10,174.44 +48.41 +0.48%

Hang Seng 20,972.88 +364.18 +1.77%

Straits Times 2,772.44 +21.58 +0.78%

[teapeebubbles]

An old country preacher.....had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. A Bible.....?

2. A silver dollar.....?

3. A bottle of whisky.....?

4. And a Playboy magazine.....?

'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a
Blessing that would be!

If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
Skirt-chasing womanizer.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
'He's gonna run for Congress.'

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 10:42 PM MST on February 28, 2010
Phoenix
53.0° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 84%
Dewpoint: 48° F
Pressure: 29.97 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
BKN at 6000 ft
BKN at 9000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. Slight chance of showers in the evening. Patchy fog after midnight. Lows 40 to 48. West wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming east around 5 mph after midnight. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Monday: Mostly sunny. Patchy fog in the morning. Much warmer. Highs 66 to 71. East wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 2:25 PM MST on March 01, 2010
Phoenix
66.2° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 48%
Dewpoint: 46° F
Pressure: 30.06 in
UV: 4 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 4500 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Rest of Today: Sunny. Not as cool. Highs 64 to 69. Light wind.


Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 42 to 52. Light wind in the evening... becoming northeast around 5 mph after midnight.

[teapeebubbles]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the

family business.



When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father

died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.



One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman

he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.



"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few

years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."



Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she

became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[teapeebubbles]

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

[teapeebubbles]

Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. I am suffering from Anal Glaucoma."

Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"

Employee: "I just can't see my ass coming to work!"

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Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
A: Lawnmowers don't complain after they cut the yard.

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Judy was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for.

She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."

The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats too?"

Judy: "I don't know... I haven't learned how to cook those yet."

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A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out." "No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

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A commercial airplane is in flight to Chicago, when a blonde woman sitting in economy gets up and moves to an open seat in the first class section. A flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must return to her seat in the economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde woman replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success convicing the woman to return to economy, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He kneels down next to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Chicago."

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Q: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

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A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks,
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missingteeth,
"Excuthe
me, mithter,
do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that
he's on her level and asks,
"Do
you want
a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy,
bwack
wabbit, or
maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over
there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

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AIG to sell Asian life insurer to repay bailouts- AP

American International Group Inc. is selling a cornerstone of its business, Asia-based life insurer AIA Group, in a government-approved $35.5 billion deal. The sale to British insurer Prudential PLC could reduce by nearly one-fifth the amount of federal bailout money still invested in struggling AIG.

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Dow 10,403.79 +78.53 +0.76%

Nasdaq 2,273.57 +35.31 +1.58%

S&P 500 1,115.71 +11.22 +1.02%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.6060% +0.1100

Oil 78.72 +0.02 +0.03%

Gold 1,117.80 -0.50 -0.04%

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VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 19.26
Trade Time: 4:14pm ET
Change: 0.24 (1.23%)
Prev Close: 19.50
Open: 19.93
Day's Range: 19.18 - 19.94
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

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Astellas goes hostile in $3.5 billion bid for OSI
at MarketWatch(Mon 4:02pm)

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Treasury sets Bank of America warrant sale date- AP

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EU urges more cuts in Greece amid talk of bailout- AP

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Hustler can be sued for nude Benoit photos

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McGwire Highway may get name change

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Ford to roll out a second phase of the Fiesta Movement marketing campaign

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In extolling the wonders of new cars, we sometimes forget about the importance of the role the dealership can play after the sale. Getting a quick service appointment, having the work done right and on time, with as little stress and as few surprises as possible -- all are the hallmarks of a dealer worth keeping.



Every year, J.D. Power and Associates surveys owners about how happy they are with their dealership, and the results become the Customer Service Index. And in the 2010 survey, which polled 114,000 owners between October and December of last year, some bad news for dealers was sandwiched into the usual reports for owners: The big drop in new-car sales almost surely means fewer service visits to dealers, and service operations are even more the lifeblood of such operations when sales go bad. J.D. Power projects that parts-and-service revenues at dealers will fall 20 percent, bottoming out in 2013.



“It’s more fun and sexy to sell new cars, but the fixed service operations are critical to paying the bills,” said Jon Osborn, research director at J.D. Power.



You might think that people hanging onto cars longer means more repair work for dealers, but not so. As new-car warranties expire, owners tend to get more repairs done at aftermarket shops instead. If a dealer can’t replace those departing customers with a steady influx of new-car buyers with fresh warranties in hand, the service business plummets.



On the consumer front, Lexus was tops in the survey among all brands, which measures every aspect of the service experience, from flexible appointments to the quality of repair work.



Among luxury brands, Cadillac (second place behind Lexus) and Mercedes (seventh place) enjoyed the biggest single-year jumps in scores. (Mercedes, despite the bump, still ranks slightly below the luxury-brand average.)



A quartet of General Motors brands -- Hummer, Saturn, Buick and Chevrolet -- swept the top four spots among nonluxury brands. (Too bad the Hummer and Saturn stores are about to hang a permanent “Gone Fishing’” sign on their defunct brands.) And only two Asian mass-market brands -- Japan’s Honda and South Korea’s Hyundai -- managed to score above the industry average for customer service satisfaction. And in case you are wondering, the Toyota recall and its attendant firestorm came a bit too late to affect this year’s survey.



As for dealerships that bombed in the study, Volvo was in last place among luxury brands, with Infiniti second from the bottom. Suzuki brought up the rear among mass-marketers, with Mazda ranked just ahead.

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Toyota to replace hose on 933,800 vehicles

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Buyouts lift stocks to highest level since Jan.- AP

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Reports show modest but steady economic recovery- AP

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February recalls

Hazards like strangulation and salmonella sent everything from food to children's toys back to their makers last month.

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Anderson Cooper Meets With CBS To Discuss Job

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Goldman Sachs's Board Rejects Shareholder Demands To Cut Excessive Pay, Bonuses

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Prudential of Britain to Buy A.I.G.'s Life Insurance Unit in Asia ...

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Updated: 11:17 PM MST on March 01, 2010
Phoenix
52.1° F
Overcast
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 85%
Dewpoint: 48° F
Pressure: 30.03 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
OVC at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. Lows 43 to 52. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming northeast 5 to 10 mph after midnight.


Tuesday: Partly sunny and warmer. Highs 70 to 75. Southeast wind 5 to 10 mph.

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Updated: 11:45 AM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
68.7° F
Overcast
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 41%
Dewpoint: 44° F
Pressure: 29.99 in
UV: 2 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 23000 ft
OVC at 27000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Partly sunny in the morning...becoming mostly sunny. Warmer. Highs 69 to 74. East wind 5 to 10 mph.


Tonight: Clear. Lows 43 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.

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Ford beats GM in February sales

Ford sales jumped 43% in February compared with a year ago, joining General Motors in posting strong results as GM sales rose 12%. With 142,285 total sales for the month, Ford (including Volvo) outsold GM, which notched 141,951 sales. - 1:42 pm

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Cadillac General Manager Bryan Nesbitt is being replaced today during another management shakeup, The Detroit News has learned

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"You're having a hard time putting your pants on over your skis." -- From David Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Not Going To Win An Olympic Gold Medal

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Confucius: Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

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Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome late one afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the nuns a little nervous. She leans over to the other and says,

"You know, I've never come this way before." The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones."

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Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

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Passenger to flight attendant: "I noticed that the 'Fasten Seat Belt' sign was kept lit during the entire flight even though the flight itself was particularly smooth."

Flight attendant: "Well ... up front there are 17 women going back to college after spring break. In the back, there are 25 Navy enlistees. What would you do?"

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Harry and Rachel are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary at the Fontainbleau and it's a hell of a party: champagne, caviar, toasts by all of their best friends who've assembled for the occasion. Finally, tired and happy, the couple retires to their luxurious suite.

"Rachel," says Harry, "you know, this would be the perfect evening if only..."

"Oh, Harry," sighs Rachel, "I thought you got over that years ago. You know I don't like it."

"But, Rachel, it's such a special night. Just this once..."

"Harry, you know how I feel about this sort of thing."

"I know, I know," pleads Harry, "but you know how much it'll mean to me."

So Rachel finally goes down on him. Just as she's finishing up, the phone rings.

Harry gets up on one elbow and says, "Answer the phone, cocksucker."

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John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets" and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the Boone County Fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

[teapeebubbles]

Q: How do men exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 2:20 PM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
72.4° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: SSE at 2.0 mph
Humidity: 35%
HeatIndex: 77° F
Dewpoint: 43° F
Pressure: 29.93 in
UV: 4 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 7000 ft
SCT at 20000 ft
BKN at 27000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Partly sunny in the morning...becoming mostly sunny. Warmer. Highs 69 to 74. East wind 5 to 10 mph.


Tonight: Clear. Lows 43 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.

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Ford sales jump 43%, GM's 12%, Chrysler's 0.47%; Toyota slips to 8.7%

Detroit's automakers all showed improvement in February sales, including besting Toyota Motor Corp., which saw its sales slide 8.7 percent from a year ago. - 1:59 pm

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General Motors Co. will contribute 1.9 billion euros, or $2.7 billion, in financing for its struggling German carmaker Adam Opel GmbH -- more than three times its previous investment pledge, Opel said today.

With this contribution, GM will provide just more than half of the funding of Opel's estimated requirements of $5.2 billion. Nick Reilly, CEO of Opel and its British operations, Vauxhall, said GM's contribution would be in the form of equity and loans.

Opel/Vauxhall had estimated its funding requirements at 3.3 billion euros, or $4.6 billion. However, governments had estimated it would need around $600 million more to offset deteriorating market conditions.

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GM to recall 1.3M cars for steering fix

Chevy, Pontiac compacts to have faulty motors replaced; vehicles OK to drive, company says

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Leno Ratings CRUSH Letterman's On First Night Back

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Toyota's pain is its rivals' gain. The auto industry reported higher U.S. sales in February and scooped up customers from the Japanese automaker, which has been struggling with a massive safety recall.

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Dow 10,405.98 +2.19 +0.02%

Nasdaq 2,280.79 +7.22 +0.32%

S&P 500 1,118.31 +2.60 +0.23%

10 Yr Bond(%) 3.6140% +0.0800

Oil 79.70 +1.00 +1.27%

Gold 1,136.90 +19.10 +1.71%

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VOLATILITY S&P 500(Chicago Options: ^VIX)

Index Value: 19.06
Trade Time: 4:14pm ET
Change: 0.20 (1.04%)
Prev Close: 19.26
Open: 18.83
Day's Range: 18.60 - 19.36
52wk Range: 16.86 - 53.25

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GM reduces VP Docherty's role in management shake-up

Vice President Susan Docherty has been stripped of sales and service responsibilities today during another sweeping operations shake-up. - 4:35 pm

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Updated: 3:50 PM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
74.8° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: South at 2.0 mph
Humidity: 30%
HeatIndex: 77° F
Dewpoint: 41° F
Pressure: 29.89 in
UV: 3 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 7500 ft
SCT at 20000 ft
BKN at 27000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 44 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.


Wednesday: Mostly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

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Ford sales jump 43% as Big 3 gains; Toyota slips, starts ad blitz

Ford Motor Co. outsold General Motors Co. in February, picking off customers from recall-plagued Toyota Motor Corp. It was the first time in 40 years that Ford sales surpassed GM -- except for a blip in 1998, when GM was on strike. - 4:37 pm

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Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant
business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a
week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in
two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks'
pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

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Updated: 5:18 PM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
73.5° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: South at 1.0 mph
Humidity: 32%
HeatIndex: 77° F
Dewpoint: 42° F
Pressure: 29.88 in
UV: 5.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 7500 ft
SCT at 22000 ft
BKN at 27000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 44 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.


Wednesday: Mostly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

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Greek PM says more painful spending cuts needed- AP

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Hovnanian swings to profit for Q1- AP

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Bristol-Myers CEO to retire; COO to succeed him- AP

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Postal Service's emerging model: Never on Saturday- AP

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Chile Quake Knocks Earth Off Axis, Shortens Day By 1.26 Milliseconds

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Feb. US auto sales plow ahead despite snow, Toyota- AP

Automakers plowed through a snowy February to better-than-expected sales, and new incentives led by beleaguered Toyota will keep the momentum going into spring.

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Updated: 6:15 PM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
70.1° F
Scattered Clouds
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 34%
HeatIndex: 77° F
Dewpoint: 40° F
Pressure: 29.88 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 7500 ft
SCT at 13000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 44 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.


Wednesday: Mostly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

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Boyd Gaming narrows fourth quarter loss | 2:47 p.m

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Updated: 8:58 PM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
59.0° F
Clear
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 68%
Dewpoint: 48° F
Pressure: 29.90 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
CLR
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 44 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.


Wednesday: Mostly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

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Flatulence is the expulsion through the rectum of a mixture of gases that are byproducts of the digestion process of mammals and other animals. The mixture of gases is known as flatus, (informally) fart, or simply gas, and is expelled from the rectum in a process colloquially referred to as "passing gas" or "farting". Flatus is brought to the rectum by the same peristaltic process which causes feces to descend from the large intestine. The noises commonly associated with flatulence are caused by the vibration of the anal sphincter, and occasionally by the closed buttocks.

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Updated: 10:49 PM MST on March 02, 2010
Phoenix
55.8° F
Clear
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 74%
Dewpoint: 48° F
Pressure: 29.91 in
UV: 0.0 out of 16
Clouds:
CLR
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 44 to 53. West wind around 5 mph in the evening...becoming east after midnight.


Wednesday: Mostly sunny. Highs 68 to 73. Northeast wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.

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Greece braces for deeper spending cuts- AP

Greece will announce more major spending cuts Wednesday, after the country's prime minister warned of "catastrophic" consequences unless markets are persuaded to lower lending rates.

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Currencies Investing

Currency Pair Price Change
EUR/USD 1.3642 + 0.0034
USD/JPY 88.8450 + 0.0800
GBP/USD 1.5042 + 0.0079

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Currency Converter

$1 U.S. Dollar (USD) = Japanese Yen 88.8450 ¥
Euro 0.7329 €

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Updated: 12:55 PM MST on March 03, 2010
Phoenix
70.5° F
Partly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 38%
HeatIndex: 77° F
Dewpoint: 44° F
Pressure: 29.92 in
UV: 7 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 6000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Sunny. Highs 70 to 75. East wind around 5 mph in the morning...becoming south in the afternoon.


Tonight: Mostly clear. Lows 44 to 53. West wind 5 to 10 mph in the evening...becoming east around 5 mph after midnight

[teapeebubbles]

Rachel Uchitel, the VIP host whose alleged affair with Tiger Woods was the flashpoint of an epic scandal, has moved to Las Vegas to restart her career.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, and running around, enjoy the fine arts, appreciate gourmet cooking and classical music, and even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

[teapeebubbles]

Q: How's your job at the clock company?
A: I'm having second thoughts about it.