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The Redneck Guide to Dating Etiquette
1. Do not enter your date in a female mud-wrestling
contest without asking her permission.
2. Do not refer to your hunting dog as "the other
woman in your life."
3. Do not mention your UFO abduction experiences until
at least the third date.
4. Do not expect a woman wearing a dress to be happy
about climbing into a truck with tires that are
taller than she is. Be sure to warn her to wear
jeans.
5. Your favorite faded Dukes of Hazard t-shirt should
be saved for the fifth or more date, unless, of
course, it's the only clean shirt you have.
6. If the woman drives, never, ever try to get away
with spitting tobacco down the side of your seat
on the hope that she won't notice. She's not like
your slobbering fishing buddies, so you must always
roll down your window when you need to spit.
7. Never compare her figure to that of a Coors can,
even if you're trying to tell her that she's real
sleek.
8. Deep Woods Off! is not a substitute for deodorant.
9. Never tell a woman straight out that you can't
have her name tatooed on you because your Mom, who
is so proud of your bicep bearing her name, would
be psychotically jealous.
10. Do not invite a woman to go cow-tipping if she's
wearing high heels.
been awhile since a redneck came by. nice one.
Redneck Wrestler
A Russian and a redneck wrestler were set to square off
for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the final match, the redneck wrestler's trainer
came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research
we've done on this Russian.
He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold
he has.
Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If
he does,
You're finished";
The redneck nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the redneck and the Russian circled
each other several times, looking for an opening. All of
a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the redneck
and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the
trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was
lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream; then a cheer from the crowd
and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the
Russian go flying up in the air.
His back hit the mat with a thud and the redneck collapsed
on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The
trainer was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone he asked "how did
you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it
before!"
The wrestler answered "well, I was ready to give up when
he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened
my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of
my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of
strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies
just as hard as I could."
So the trainer exclaimed "that's what finished him off!"
"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you
bite your own nuts."
i placed this into the ibox for all your hard work for us.
FROM MERCI: 5/11/06 ... Mick, Angels and Hubber Friends...
Saturday is RACE DAY
THIS A MUST READ FOR FRIENDS THAT HAVE CANCER, TREATMENT FOR CANCER, THOSE THAT HAVE SURVIVED CANCER AND THE ONES THAT HAVE PASSED ONTO PARADISE.
SEE MESSAGE ... #msg-11078095
hi mick my friend.... i am glad to hear that.. i am pretty excited about saturday.. except i have blisters from all the walking g and i have done this week.. lol we are such whimps
hi merci, you made our day the Mick, Angels and hubber friends..
thank you.
Mick, Angels and hubber friends..
Saturday is RACE DAY weeeeeeee..
I'll be thinking of your loved ones as we take each step of the race. (lol i'll be walking not running - just for the record)
Our Team Fundraising Goal was: $1,000.00
Total Raised to date: $2,285.00 ++++
* Note: Not all donation have been posted - some donations were made via
check and will be processed via the foundation then posted to our teams website for viewing.
Again, thanks to all of you for the kindness and the continued support to help find a cure.
Here's to making every step count Angels,
Susan
--------------------------------------------------------------
To join or sponsor our team
~ Click on the following link to the Team Page of "Susan's Angels"
https://www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=156636&lis=1&kn
tae156636=3D121CCBE3194C699086B4A9F81898BE&supId=0&team=1299662&cj=Y
Mission Statement:
~ The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation is dedicated to advancing
breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment. We remain
committed to our mission: the end of breast cancer as a life-threatening
disease.
~You can join us in the Search for the Cure and become part of the fight
against breast cancer by making a contribution of $25, $50, $100 or whatever
donation you prefer to support our work at the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer
Foundation.
You might be a redneck if ...
You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
this is a click to,
http://www.ahajokes.com/funny_video_of_the_day.shtml
True stupid stories 02
Fortean Times reports that a British supermarket worker's underwear spontaneously combusted. Luckily it was edible underwear, so the clerk ended up with cherries jubilee.
Doing this great deed
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad.
Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.
Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.
I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
A list of redneck computer terms
Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.
Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
momo and A.J. updating this for networking ideas.
NetWorking With Moderator: Dave_007,Assistants: PieSky, wang
Cash Cow...#board-2117
NetWorking With Moderator: Merci,Assistants: bobs23, IRISHBULL
Early Bird Special...#board-2761
NetWorking With Moderator: midastouch017,Assistants: DewDiligence
Israel Economics...#board-3606
NetWorking With Moderator: midastouch017, Assistants: None
Israel - Pinksheets...#board-4885
NetWorking with Moderator: shakerzzz, Assistants: cmgibubba, furrysound,M.P./Momentum Players...#board-3891
NetWorking with Moderator: rrufff, Assistants: None,{HLSRF)...#board-4796
NetWorking with Moderator: Rawnoc, Assistants: rrufff,bird flu...#board-3227
NetWorking with Moderator: lowman, Assistants: None,Oil and Gas Main (OGM)...#board-4810...O&G play,#board-4484
NetWorking with Moderator: i_like_bb_stock, Assistants: natemichaud, Stock Analyzer...BB's Penny Haven...#board-2199
NetWorking with Moderator: Capt_Nemo, Assistants: Dallas Boy50...MARKET SCAMS...#board-610
NetWorking with Moderator: stocks4john, Assistants: occams_razor,,,NFL - King of the Hill Pool...#board-2915
NEtWorking with Moderator: wantoberich, Assistants: ONEBGG, skeballlarry...ALL Wantobe's Personal-Cartoon DSL FunPlace (FUN)...#msg-7104590, #msg-7194930, #msg-7209870, #board-3912
NetWorking with Moderator: timhyma, Assistants: None...Sharing Knowledge in Smallcaps...#board-865
NetWorking with Moderator: Low Float Stock Pick, Assistants: None
...Low Float Stock Picks...#board-4911
NetWorking with Moderator: momentumspeculator, Assistants: jmichael7...BOTTOM PLAYS...#board-4929
NetWorking with Moderator: FinancialAdvisor Assistants: FinancialAdvisorFinancialAdvisor's College Class(FACC)...#board-2767
NetWorking with Moderator: kgoodrich Assistants: cats, flota, Gok...Seasonals rock...#board-1616 & #board-3424 Seasonals rock.
NetWorking with: Moderator: puppman Assistants: Creede Bighorns, rrufff...The Transparent Flamingo 2...#board-5260
NetWorking with Moderator: SeriousMoney, Assistants: None...
Toby Smith Stock Review...#board-4469
Moderator Or An Assistant To These Forums In This Click...#msg-10253185
NetWorking with Moderator: DSDstock, Assistants: None @Home...Trading For Sole Propriety...#board-5273
NetWorking with Moderator: Gateway_Stocks, Assistants: None...
Oil and Gas Pipeline...#board-5320
NetWorking with Moderator: midastouch017,Assistants: None...Israel Economics... main one is #board-3606 others are
see ???? this #msg-10690831 for all his activities.
NetWorking with Moderator: Ataglance2, Assistants: chartinator, Stock Analyzer...Stock tips under .05...#board-4759
4/07/06: Moderator: martinwitton, Assistants: Ataglance2...PlanetLink Communications, Inc. (PLKC)...#board-2243
4/11/06: Moderator: Incite101, Assistants:
Ataglance2...CalbaTech (CLBE)... #board-2486
4/11/06: Moderator: Relentless Despot,Assistants: Ataglance2...Forex Traders...#board-5125
NetWorking with Moderator: mick, Assistants: Ataglance2, justastock...ParaFin Corp. (PFNC)...#board-5625
4/29/06
NetWorking with Moderator: justastock, Assistants: cwy48...
Cambodian Ventures (CMBV)...#board-3707
NetWorking with Moderator: Trade_4_Money
Assistants: exisnet, Walker...SaVi Media Group Inc. (SVMI)...#board-4804...
#msg-10541509...parent message #msg-10541645...BOTTOM PLAYS...#board-4929
4/14/06 ... NetWorking with Moderator: 02opida, Assistants: mick, momo player...Integrated Software (ITWJ)...#board-4266
NetWorking with Moderator: mick, Assistants: Trade_4_Money
...Sure Trace (SSTY...#board-1783
NetWorking with Moderator: Trade_4_Money, Assistants: Walker...
NanoLogix, Inc. (NNLX)...#board-4924...see MSG FOR PROFILING
#msg-10844671
NetWorking with Moderator: Trade_4_Money, Assistants: mick, Walker...Alternative Energy Stocks...#msg-10602559
NetWorking with Moderator: Trade_4_Money, Assistants: mick...Nanotech stocks (NANOTECH)...#board-5529
See This For List Of Nano Co's. ,,,#msg-10614797
NetWorking with Moderator: Trade_4_Money,Assistants: mick, Rawnoc
OTC/Pink Oil and Gas stocks (OIL&GAS)...#board-5598
NetWorking with Moderator: Trade_4_Money,Assistants: IAMSAM, Pay_tience...PENNIES TO DOLLARS...#board-3802
Mick, TY, send them my way..
J
hi J, i'm busy trying to do some reading for us.
maybe some goodies soon.
Good morning MICK.. Busy as all get out this morn'n, gota run.
See ya..
a lot of funny stuff in your comments.
thanks mick, you da man..
J
OK. J, here it is for ya.
h#msg-10822544
Posted by: justastock
In reply to: None Date:4/25/2006 6:04:37 PM
Post #of 128298
Mick, you can put this one on your joke board >
> Subject: History Lesson
>
>
> It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,
>
> the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
>
>
>
> The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who
>
> said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "
>
> She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
>
>
>
> "Patrick Henry, 1775."
>
>
>
> "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the
>
> people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
>
>
>
> Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
>
>
>
> The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro,
>
> who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
>
>
>
> She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
>
> "Who said that?" she demanded.
>
>
>
> Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
>
>
>
> At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The
>
> teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
>
>
>
> Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
>
>
>
> Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
>
>
>
> Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
>
> teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
>
>
>
> Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you
>
> say anything else, I'll kill you!"
>
>
>
> Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
>
> Chandra Levy, 2001."
>
>
>
> The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
>
> someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
>
>
>
> Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
>
>
>
> Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"!
>
> The teacher asked "Who said that?
>
>
>
> Pedro: Dick Cheney 2006
"When you lose, don't lose the lesson"
hi J, very nice here today also. did ya finally relax some?
Hey mick, had a great Sunday, was really nice here in NC..
J
Ways to be annoying in computer labs
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the it to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.
Remaining as enemies
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.
As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
You might be a redneck if ...
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell. 252.Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Wizard in the factory
There's this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following sign: "This parking space belongs to the Wizard. ... Violators will be toad."
hi J, do ya have a free sunday? probably not in your mind with all the design work you do.
Good night Mick, gotta go..
Take care bud.
J
me again J, you are one of a kind. i hope ya got your project done.
Take Care bud.
J
me again, ya got me smiling from ear to ear with this one.
A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a
terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a
desert island. After being there a while, they got into
the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch
the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a
fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was
warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and
better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep
and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous,
growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from
around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued
to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more
cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was
another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful
young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had
ever seen.She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued
her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When
the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her
to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful
evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle
breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings"
again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally
gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously,
and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the
dog for a walk?"
thank you for caring and sharing with us.
Mick and gang.. Here's an opportunity to make a difference.
Mick if it's ok with you i'd like to add Cathy's name in our walk.
~ In celebrating of my 12th year as a survivor, no words are great enough to express my sincere thanks to people such as yourself that support this philanthropy event as we join together in the race to find a cure.
At age 36, my physician diagnosed me with level 3 breast cancer.
~ Being a single parent of two beautiful young daughters (13 & 9), my first and most prominent prayer was “Please Lord, allow me enough time on earth to raise my children”.
Today:
~ My youngest daughter, Lacy, is in college and sits as Director of Marketing for our recruiting firm.
~ My oldest daughter, Laura, sits as Director of Operations.
In addition to the many blessings, my life has been made ever so complete by adding to our family:
~ Gary, a very loving husband.
~ Brian, a wonderful son (in-law).
~ Jordan a bundle of love granddaughter.
~ Chris and Elizabeth, two beautiful step children .
As many know, cancer is one of the leading cause of death in our Nation.
~ Our teams goal is to raise $1,000.00
~ As of April 22, we have raised $845.00
"To join or sponsor our team follow the link below to join "Susan's Angels".
~ Then click on my name.
~ "We are committed to taking every step of this race in "CELEBRATION OF SURVIVORS" and in "HONOR OF THE LOVING MEMORY" of everyone that has been affected by this disease.".
~ Please send me your loved ones names and our team will proudly wear it on our T-Shirts.
~ (You can also list their names on our team website)!
Copy and paste the to your address bar:
www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=156636&lis=0&kntae156636=D156967336974E118230DA159D27A09B&supId=0&team=1299662&cj=Y
Hubbers from the bottom of our hearts, “WE THANK YOU” for your continued support.
Merci and Family
Mission Statement:
~ The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation is dedicated to advancing breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment. We remain committed to our mission: the end of breast cancer as a life-threatening disease.
~You can join us in the Search for the Cure and become part of the fight against breast cancer by making a contribution of $25, $50, $100 or whatever donation you prefer to support our work at the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.
see ya real soon as the great cartoonist said.
Shoot I really do the first one, have my mi plate up in my livving rooom. LOL..
Got to go, going for a run this morning then off to work this after noon.
J
You might be a redneck if ...
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
this is from my friend janet.
How Smart Is Your Right Foot? TRY THIS NOW! This is so funny
that it
will boggle
your mind. And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if
you can
outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise
circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the
air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!! I told you
so... And there is nothing you can do about it. Make sure you pass this on
to
your friends...They won't be able to believe it either!!!
is it o.k. to place this link in the ibox for funny stuff/
a nice way to find a winner. like the ticks today.
Yeh, was wondering WTF! LOL
finally some upticks. cmbv, CMBV.PK 9:57am 0.0029 +0.0009 +45.00% 3,160,000
VPRO looking nice this morning.. Nice bounce from .70 the other day.
they know when to pull the plug.
hi J, gotcha. VPRO
Mick, remember when I gave VPRO the buy at .70 on the dip, going to blow dude. IMHO..
it soon will be 90's steady here. then into the 100's. that is summer.
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