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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 10:15 PM

#173825 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Female computer terms

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no
one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her,
she comes, installs herself and uses all your
resources. If you try to uninstall her you will loose
something if you don't try to uninstall her you will be
rendered useless...
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 10:16 PM

#173826 RE: jimmym4 #173823

A couple are celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. They're talking about old times and
whether they've any regrets.

"Well," says the man, "There is one thing I wish we
could have done together."

"What's that?" asked the wife.

"Well, I've always wanted to have sex doggy fashion."

"Do you really want to do that?"

"Yes," says the husband "Do you think we could?"

"Well," says the wife, "I suppose we could, but on two
conditions."

"Yes my dear, of course, what are they?"

"Well, the first is that we do it in the dark, and the
second is that we do it on a street where we don't know
anyone!!"

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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 10:24 PM

#173827 RE: jimmym4 #173823

What Women NEED to know about men:

Unfortunately, many men who seem attractive on the surface are actually strongly homosexual, often without even knowing it. Men with lean waists, overdeveloped chests, arms and clean skin are actually unconsciously obsessed by male bodies. You should stay far away from men who are athletes or rock stars, and men who feel compelled to dress in fancy suits with clean shirts and polished shoes. These "men" often have a compulsion to spend money on sumptuous meals, taxicabs, and expensive trinkets to compensate for their affliction.

Experienced, self-confident lovers, the kind you want don't need to alter the natural contours of their bodies. They are content with slender arms, relaxed chests, and waists with a comfortable amount of flesh, which can come in handy during moments of intimacy (why do you think they call them "love handles"?)
One other tip: Married men can be depended on not to cause embarrassing rumours about you at home or school. Men on short business trips are discreet, grateful, and particularly driven by passion. Look for them!

=< HOW "BIG" SHOULD A MAN BE?
Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly larger than a ball-point pen, so anything bigger is a bonus!

=< HOW "LONG" SHOULD A MAN LAST?
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-imponderable thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go for up to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a man who can "last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let your girlfriends know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty second wonders."

=< HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?
The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words, but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like something inside of you." When a man's penis is ANYWHERE inside you, that is an orgasm. You'll find a really skilled lover applies the same techniques to love as a gourmet does to a meal; he "leaves a little something on your plate." When, after intercourse, you feel a vague sensation that there could be "more to come," that "vaguely unsatisfied" feeling," then you can be sure you've experienced a sexually memorable adventure.

=< WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?
There is no such thing.

=< WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?
Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh, followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you are "GIB." Another example of male "after-play" is his turning on a football or basketball game immediately after climax. Many women find a particularly satisfying post-coital experience in going into the kitchen and bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along with a light snack, sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put back depleted calories.

=< WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?
Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when she tries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with him. If this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on TV or getting your man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay" technique is to invite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do whatever he asks, to him or to each other, while he watches.

=< HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?
One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your dress. Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits will all help get your man's attention. Also, don't keep playing "one on one." Invite your more attractive and energetic girlfriends over to take part. Another technique, and we think the best, is to use anonymous names. Have your lover call himself "Mr. Smith." Don't let him tell you where he lives, or his home telephone number. You'll find it lends an air of real "mystery" to the affair.

=< HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?
When looking for the ideal man, about twenty-five to fifty, married, on a business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his masculinity, go to a 'local' about 8:30 at night. Look around the bar, then, when you've found your man, unbutton the top three or four buttons on your blouse, wink at him, walk over and whisper in his ear, "You're cute, can I buy you a drink?" This is a real conversation icebreaker and things will naturally progress from here.

=< Other Important Questions...

Q: "What are some "loving nicknames" we can use?"
A: You should always call him, "Mr. Smith." You can also call him, "King Kong," "Master," or "stud." Men often call their favourite lovers, "Hey you" or "Uh, Miss?"

Q: "Where should a man take me?"
A: Because so many homosexual men like to take their "dates" out for fancy meals, look for the man who will send you out to KFC or McDonalds for a snack. That means his mind is not on food, so you know what he's thinking about.

Q: "What happens if he doesn't call?"
A: He may be trying to keep the romance alive; go out every few weeks to your 'local' and look to see if he's come back.
If he doesn't, find a guy who runs an internet joke list, then try the "Can I buy you a drink?" technique with him. You may find you've met a new, exciting lover
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 10:53 PM

#173828 RE: jimmym4 #173823

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too closely and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically that his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 10:54 PM

#173829 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Practice Safe Fax

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers
every day.

Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write
memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they
can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.

Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when
their needs become too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should always be used.

Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people fax prematurely when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start
over, most people won't mind if you try again.

Q. I have a personal and a business fax. Can transmissions become mixed up?
A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but so long as you use a cover with each one you won't
transmit anything you're not supposed to.

Q. Is getting faxed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would like you to believe that the longer
they are faxing you the better you will like it. In reality the best fax is short, of high quality, and very
graphic.

Q. There is a man I'd very much like to fax (I've tried several times) but he can't seem to keep his
equipment up long enough. Is there any thing I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good fax therapist, such as Canon or Mitsubishi. If he
refuses to take the suggestion, it would be best if you just wrote him off
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 10:55 PM

#173830 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Friends are like wedgies...

They know your inner self.

They're intimately close.

And it feels good when you

pick out a good one!!
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:04 PM

#173831 RE: jimmym4 #173823

You've gotta read this. It's hilarious!
Be sure to read the warning at the bottom.


Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is
sexually active or not?


1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women
make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair
shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
pores and makes your skin glow.


3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into
the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with
a feeling of well-being.


6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that
causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.


This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original
is in a room in Palaiseau. It has been sent around the world nine times. Now
sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four
days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on. If you
don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your
life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall
off.
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:06 PM

#173832 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Remora, the arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that it was a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a genie!"

"What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

***POOF***

The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish I were surrounded by beautiful women."

***POOF***

The Arab is turned into a Tampax.

The MORAL of the story is: Be careful of what you wish for. There may be a string attached.
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:34 PM

#173833 RE: jimmym4 #173823

A friend is like a good bra...

Hard to find

Supportive

Comfortable

Always lifts you up

Makes you look better

And is always close to your heart!
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:36 PM

#173834 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Are you Horny Baby? This survey will show how aroused you are.

TRUE
1. Do you have any porn on your computer at this moment?
2. Do names like Jenna Jameson and Dick Rambone mean anything to you?
3. Have you ever "read" a Victoria's secret catalog?
4. Do you have any subscriptions to adult magazines ;) ?
5. Do you think of obscene things when people say things like "are you cumming?"
6. Have you ever gotten into an argument with a roommate about who gets the room?
7. Have you reached "Third Base"?
8. Do you own / look at black "fuck me" pants?
9. Have you ever rented a porno?
10. Have you ever watched a show on TV just to see the fine asses in it?
11. Do you drive more than 30 miles so you can get laid?
12. Have you ever looked up free porn on the internet?
13. Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed a hickey that you didn't know about?
14. - If so, have you taken our drunk survey?
15. Have you ever compared sex stories with your best friend?
16. Are you wild like a tiger? OR sweet like a kitty?
17. Do you believe in kisses on the first date?
18. - Screw kisses... I want the whole thing!!!!
19. Have you ever made out in your car?
20. Has there been any type of sexual desire for your teachers / co-workers?
21. Have you ever gotten into a sexual relationship with your teachers / co-workers?
22. Do you belong to group just so you can "get some"?
23. Have you ever been to college just to scope out the "scenery"?
24. G-strings -- love 'em!
25. Have you ever been to a strip club?
26. - Are you angry when you realize you don't have the money for a lap dance?
27. Have you ever been turned on by a cartoon?
28. Is Bugs Bunny hot when he dresses like a girl bunny?
29. Do you openly talk about your masturbation habits?
30. Have you ever looked up "sexual" words in the dictionary?
31. Do you have an intamite relationship with someone on the internet?
32. Have you ever possed as someone of the opposite sex when talking on the internet?
33. Have you ever lied about your age to seem "more attractive"?
34. Do you hate tan lines?
35. Have you ever watched music videos because the artist was hot?
36. Have you ever bought a cd because the artist was hot?
37. Hairy OR No - Hair?
38. Do you suck in your gut when you think people are looking at you?
39. Have your parnets ever walked in on you "doing the nasty"?
40. Are you horny just taking this survey?
41. Are you comfortable with words like "cock" and "pussy"?
42. Do you talk nasty to people?
43. Did you take this survey to find out really how horny you were?
44. Did you enter / watch a wet t-shirt contest on spring break?
45. Do you think of sex when someone asks if you want "sex on the beach"?
46. Have you ever been whipped while having sex?
47. Is it hard for you to eat strawberries without being aroused?
48. - Is whipped cream a must for strawberries?
49. Is food allowed in bed?
50. Have you ever left a party to go "play" with yourself?
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:38 PM

#173836 RE: jimmym4 #173823

j4 is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size.

One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. The man unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand.
He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction.

His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke."
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:39 PM

#173837 RE: jimmym4 #173823

j4 flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said, "If you don't have ... fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?"

"What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."

The businessman said "OK" and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:41 PM

#173838 RE: jimmym4 #173823

j4 knew nothing about the wild when he went on his first hunting trip. He walked into a clearing and was surprised to find a young woman lying there in the nude.

"Pardon me," said j4, "are you game?"

She looked him up and down and seductively said, "Yes."

So j4 shot her.
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:43 PM

#173839 RE: jimmym4 #173823

The neighborhood postman, j4, was retiring after 25 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a meal. This went on all through the neighborhood. As he proceeded through his route, the gifts got better and better. One house even gave him a gold watch!

He was so satisfied, but the last house paled in comparison. As he was putting the mail in the mailbox, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside. He knew that this woman's husband was a truck driver and was away, so he went inside. She proceeded to give him the day and night of his life.

The next morning he woke up to find she was bringing him breakfast in bed. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained,
"When I called my husband to tell ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea."
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teapeebubbles

08/06/11 11:45 PM

#173840 RE: jimmym4 #173823

You've seen many of your friends retire, so now you're wondering, "Is it time for me to take retirement?" Well, let us help you. Here are the signs you should watch for:


Have the beautiful young ladies in the office begun to confide in you?

Have you had to play Santa Claus at the last five office Christmas parties?

Does the guard at the front desk greet you each morning with, "Hello, Pops!"

Are you the only one at the coffee dispenser who actually was some where when JFK was shot?

Do you get invited out to lunch with the young salesmen because you're the only one with a full-size car?

Instead of mints and TicTacs, is your desk drawer full of Tums and Metamucil?

Do you find staff meetings are the best time to catch up on your sleep?

Besides the custodian, are you the only one who has keys to every door in the building?

Nowadays, when someone needs help with a heavy box, is it you?

Are you the only one in the office who wears a bow-tie to work?

On your cubicle walls, are there pictures of Doris Day and The Beatles.

When your cohorts say they enjoy Smashing Pumpkins, do you tell them not to get arrested for vandalism?

Does your Camry look out of place next to all the trucks, SUVs and Harleys in the parking lot?

Do you know the state capitals of all fifty states?

When you're walking through the parking lot, do you see recent college grads circling overhead?
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 12:56 AM

#173849 RE: jimmym4 #173823

An extremely modest man, j4, was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a police officer who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about?"

Still staring down,the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 12:58 AM

#173850 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Song: Day Old Donuts

(Tune: Banana Boat Song -- Day, Oh!)

**CHORUS

Day old, Daaay old
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day old
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Work all day in the donut shop.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Some are filled with jelly, Some are glazed on top.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine. **

Come Mr. Policeman, buy my aging pastry.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
They are cheap, but they're not very tasty.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine. **

Half dozen, whole dozen, buy a whole bunch,
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Put 'em down at breakfast, Bring 'em up at lunch.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine. **

Once there was a donut,
Boy was it humongous.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Took a bite and found it full of fungus.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine. **
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 1:13 AM

#173854 RE: jimmym4 #173823

On a flight to Chicago, j4 had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened?!" he exclaimed. "You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse. "The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your privates are under your pillow."
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 1:19 AM

#173855 RE: jimmym4 #173823

What your car says about you:

Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX - I am impotent
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette - I like people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year
Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944 - l am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than the Isuzu
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 1:22 AM

#173856 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Finally, something other than smiley faces...

Perfect breasts
(o)(o)

Fake silicone breasts
( + )( + )

Perky breasts
(*)(*)

Big nipple breasts
(@)(@)

A cups
o o

D cups
{ O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts
(oYo)

Cold breasts
( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts
(o)(O)

Pierced Breasts
(Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts
(p)(p)

Against The Shower Door Breasts
( )( )

Android Breasts
/ o / / o /

Martha Stewart's Breasts
($)($)
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 1:36 AM

#173860 RE: jimmym4 #173823

j4 says...

** My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

** My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

** A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

** I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

** What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds.

** The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

** When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her.

** A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

** Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

** Any married man should forget his mistakes - there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

** Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
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teapeebubbles

08/07/11 4:02 PM

#173865 RE: jimmym4 #173823

Updated: 1:01 PM MST on August 07, 2011
Phoenix
101.1° F
Scattered Clouds
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 28%
HeatIndex: 103° F
Dewpoint: 62° F
Pressure: 30.01 in
UV: 9 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 7000 ft
SCT at 17000 ft
SCT at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Today: Mostly sunny. Highs 102 to 107. West wind 5 to 10 mph.


Tonight: Partly cloudy. A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms in the evening. Gusty winds and areas of blowing dust possible. Lows 76 to 86. Southwest wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 20 percent.