Replies to post #7062 on Derf's Grotto

[Colt1861Navy]

LOL, Susie, that pretty much sums it up. Colt

[SkeBallLarry]

Susie .... I got this in email overnite ... !!

after I sent a female friend 'one-of-those-men's' poems ...

jus n case ya haven't seen-it ...

Being A Woman

Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess,
I have two mounds upon my bodice.
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee.
      
I can justify any shopping spree.
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on.

Can balance the checkbook, pump my on gas.

Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.

I always save money by using coupons.
Can admit to others when I am wrong.

Don't drive in circles at any cost,
So I don't have to admit when I am lost.
            
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
      Every time I go to the john.

Let me tell you men, listen to me boys...    

Those things in your pants that you treat as toys...
        You love them more then we ever will.
        We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill.    
I spend two hours preparing for a date,
            Only to find you're two hours late.
            
I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
            Don't need instant replay to remember the score.    

I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch     And just cause I'm assertive, don't call me a bitch.
            
I don't wear the same underwear everyday.     The food in my fridge has no sign of decay.    

I don't go to Sears to look at the tools.     I don't cheat at poker, I follow the rules.

            I don't smoke cigars.

      Don't pay for drinks at bars.

            I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"     And it's o.k. for me to cry.
     
       I know all you men
      Think that you're "IT",
 
     But compared to a woman






................       You just ain't SHIT!

[AKvetch]

Susie, and another oldie...

It’s Great to be a Man

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's butt if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too icky looking.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He's mad at me."
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December
24th, in 45 minutes.