"You seem to think that we do not cause similar harm to others now."
If we have recently been deliberately causing entire cites full of people to be burned alive, I seem to have missed that news report.
I think that we try a lot harder to to minimize civilian casualties than we did in World War II. The Arabs seem to be trying to talk us out of this.
I would be the last person to claim that U.S. policy is always right, and in fact I do think that in MANY cases it has been way too short-sighted and even constituting an abandonment of our principles in many cases.
You say that you worry about escalation, and yet in the immediately preceding sentence you say "Whether one or thousands the grief is the same," which seems to say that escalation really doesn't matter much.