Replies to post #1386 on CHURAK'S PALACE (CHUCHU)

[Churak]

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

[Churak]

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge-it.

[Churak]

Every calendar's days are numbered

[Churak]

A plateau is a high form of flattery

[Churak]

We all know that Columbus believed the world was round when others
believed it was flat and that if you travelled far enough you would go
over the edge. We also know that Columbus reached what we now know as
America. While there are still a few who believe Columbus returned to
Spain and told Queen Isabella that he discovered a new world, most
believe he had told her he had reached India. Recently documents
written by Queen Isabella's official scribe were uncovered revealing
what Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage. His
first words were, "I'll bet I'm the first man who ever got nineteen
hundred miles on a galleon."

[Churak]

Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been
friends for years, would always cry "Aye!" and blow their whistles
whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What did they do that for?"
The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never
heard of...an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"

[Churak]

One day at the watering hole, an elephant looked around and carefully
surveyed the turtles in view.
After a few seconds thought, he walked over to one turtle, raised his
foot, and KICKED the turtle as far as he could. (Nearly a mile)
A watching hyena asked the elephant why he did it?
"Well, about 30 years ago I was walking through a stream and a turtle
bit my foot. Finally I found the S.O.B and repaid him for what he had
done to me."
"30 years!!! And you remembered...But HOW???"
"I have turtle recall."

[Churak]

A young man was in love with a lovely young lady but unfortunately
she did not feel the same way about him. In desperation he went and
visited a group of witches searching for a love potion.
They informed him that they no longer provided such an item. It
was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without her
permission.
They did have an alternate solution however. They sold him a
bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard
every night at midnight for a month.
He returned to the witches six weeks later excited and thankful.
He and the young lady were to wed in a month.
The witch told him, ..."Nothin' says lovin' like something from
a coven, and pills buried say it best."

[Churak]

In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used
to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were
quite upset when one day the little dog died.
Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little
dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up
behind the bar to remind everyone of the little dog's wagging
tail.
The little dog went up to heaven and was about to run through
the pearly gates when he was stopped by Saint Peter, who
questioned the little dog as to where he was going.
The little dog said, "I have been a good dog - so I am going
into heaven where I belong!".
Saint Peter replied, "Heaven is a place of perfection, you
can not come into heaven without a tail, where is your tail?"
The little dog explained what had happened back on earth.
St Peter told the little dog to go back down to earth and
retrieve his tail. The little dog protested that it was now
the middle of the night on earth, but St Peter would not
change his mind.
So the little dog went back down to earth and scratched on
the door of the pub until the bartender who lived upstairs
came down and opened the door.
"My goodness, it is the spirit of the little dog. What can
I do for you?", asked the bartender.
The little dog explained that he wasn't allowed into heaven
without his tail, and he needed it back.
The bartender replied, "I would really like to help you, but
my liquor license doesn't allow me to retail spirits after hours!"

[Churak]

The proprietor of a big aquarium was terribly upset and called over
her assistant.
"We have a bunch of school children coming over tomorrow, and I just
looked in and those horny dolphins are continuously mating. We can't
let the kids see that."
"What can we do about it?" the assistant asked.
"The only thing that will make them stop is to feed them baby
seagulls," She replied. "You'll have to go get them, but it won't be
easy. There's a bunch of them at the city zoo. You'll have to break in
tonight, grab the little birds and bring them back here. But be careful.
There's a stony faced old lion who guards the birdhouse at the zoo and
he'd eat you if you make too much noise."
That night, the aquarium assistant sneaks into the zoo, quietly enters
the bird house, and makes off with a sack full of baby seagulls. He's
outside the zoo and about to head back to the office with his booty when
suddenly there are cops everywhere. Surprised at being caught, he asks an
officer what he's charged with.
"Don't you know?" said the cop, "Transporting young gulls across a
staid lion for immoral porpoises!"

[kodiak149]

It's called "stalking"