Replies to post #3106 on ladies only (no men)

[teapeebubbles]

y/w ;)

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Why was two-piece bikini invented?
A: To separate meat section from the dairy section.

[teapeebubbles]

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench complaining
about their husbands. "My husband's losing his mind,"
one lady said. "Last week he went out and spent $400
for a waterbed."

"That sounds exciting," the other lady said.

"Exciting, hell," the first old lady said. "The way my
husband's thing has been reacting the last few years,
that waterbed might as well be the Dead Sea."

[teapeebubbles]

Bar Translations

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."
I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody
see who I am going home with.

"I'm not used to these darts."
I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool
cue when I am this bombed.

"Let's go out to my car and get some cigarettes." (male
to female)
You would look great face down in my lap.

"You get this one, next round is on me."
We won't be here long enough to get another round.

"I'll get this one, next one is on you."
Happy hour is about to end....now beers are 2 pounds,
but by the next round they'll be 4 pounds a pop.

"I haven't seen you around here for a long time."
You stuck up little b%tch, too good for your old
friends??

"Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
I have no interest in talking to you except as a way
to get your attractive friend into a compromising
position.

"Let's get out of here."
I just dumped half a jug of beer into that Harley
guy's helmet.

"Can I get a glass of white sweet wine." (female)
I'm easy.

[teapeebubbles]

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2..6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applicationsJewelry 2.0 andFlowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

[teapeebubbles]

Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do
too, but only for starters.

[teapeebubbles]

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either
way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."