Replies to post #8285 on The Confessional

[teapeebubbles]

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said,

'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

[teapeebubbles]

A group of nuns were travelling in a car when it had a
flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being
rather unworldly, they don't really know how.

Luckily, a truck came along and the driver offered to
change it for them. They gratefully accepted.

As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from
the jack and he yelled, "Son-of-a-bitch"

The eldest nun said to him, "That is not nice language.
We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use
such language."

"Sorry, Sister", he said, and tried again.

Again it slipped, this time almost smashing his fingers.
"Son-of-a-bitch," he yelled again.

"Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire
is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't
help us."

"But I get so upset, and it just comes out."

"Well," said the nun, "say something else when you get
upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me.'"

So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. And
again it slipped.

He started to say "Son..." but he corrected himself and
said, "Sweet Jesus, help me." At that, the car
miraculously rose into the air all by itself.

The nuns looked at the car in wonder, exclaiming in
unison, "Son-of-a-bitch!"

[teapeebubbles]

There was a senior school that was faced with an unique
problem: A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick
and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but
after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be
done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met
them there with the custodian.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the
mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors,
she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He
took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the
toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have
been no lip prints on the mirror.

[teapeebubbles]

Q: How is an ex-husband like an inflamed Appendix?

A: It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was
removed, you found out you didn't need it anyway.

[teapeebubbles]

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE
> TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN
> LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES
> THAN CASINOS.
>
> NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME
> WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH
> WHEN THE
> BASKET IS PASSED.
>
> SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM
> MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE
>
> OFFERINGS..
>
> THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR
> COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE
> CHIPS
> ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
>
>
> THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.