bob: wow..you guys have an elusive little critter on your hands. if the only thing that has changed is the webserver (i.e. code is the same, db config is the same), then you at least know it is, as you stated, the NEW webserver.
in such cases i would confirm by moving back to the old webserver and see if the problem happens. if it doesn't, then you know your culprit.
or, the other options, which is always my lifer saver with such projects...implement tons of logging...and try to figure out a common theme when the crashes occur. In fact, even if you do not do any logging, i believe there may be some info in the OS's eventlogs (eventviewer) that may let u know what was going on at the time of the crash.
but i think this is going to be difficult to track unless you know everything that is going on just prior to the crash.
-memory status (compared to startup of server)
-what was the request being processed
-what procedure it was in at the time of the crash
-number of users logged in, connections open.
-etc, etc...
it is starting to sound like there is nothing wrong with the code. there is NO WAY the ASP server should die because of any unexpected error due to code..that makes no sense and just too fragile imo. i don't think IIS is that fragile.