20 WAYS TO CONFUSE (AND UPSET) SANTA CLAUS
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad
and a note explaining that you think he could
stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh
and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note explaining that you've gone
away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind
watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his
reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see
what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you
think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little
red cape, wait until he sees that big, red
Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the
roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas"
and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that
Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to
pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his
way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes
down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until
that huge cake arrives.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and
sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees
you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that
last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of
milk out with a note that says, "For The Tooth
Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a
stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a
dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa.
:("
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just
been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed
like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They
always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-
minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the
chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where
Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh!
Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire
a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note explaining that you've moved.
Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read
directions to your new house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney.
Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then
explain that you're sorry, but from a distance,
he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes.
While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When
he comes back up, act like you've been trampled."
Threaten to sue.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with
Easter eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to
come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big
enough for the both of us."
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