Replies to post #69857 on Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

When their children had all left home, the wife read
an article that was meant to help couples deal with the
empty nest.

She explained some of the ideas to her husband.

He nodded in agreement to all the things she said.

Then she told him the article suggested that they spice
up their marriage by going out on dates.

He asked, "With each other?"

[teapeebubbles]

Q: What is it about the navy and submarines that women
love so much?
A: Is it the concept of a long, hard cylinder filled
with seamen or is it the concept of going down for
three months at a time?

[teapeebubbles]

Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store
and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of
canary-colored paint," he says.

"Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you
need it?"

"My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in
a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's
sure to win."

"Well, you can't do that, Man!" the assistant says.
"The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill
the poor thing!"

"No, they won't," Jim replies.

"Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies
if you try to paint him."

"You're on!" says Jim.

Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and
puts ten bucks on the counter in front of the clerk.

"So the paint killed your bird?"

"Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint
okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."

[teapeebubbles]

Three women were talking about their love lives.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce;
smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast
and powerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It
needs a hand start and I have to jump on while
it's still going."

[teapeebubbles]

Q: What's the most important question to ask if
you want to have safe sex?
A: What time will your husband be home?

[teapeebubbles]

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea