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teapeebubbles

04/07/06 3:50 PM

#61293 RE: Deann #61292

yeppers das whut mudahs r tew
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teapeebubbles

04/07/06 4:33 PM

#61294 RE: Deann #61292

O x ym o ro n's....


1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21 .. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree
and eat candy out of your socks?

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teapeebubbles

04/07/06 4:59 PM

#61305 RE: Deann #61292

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group,
discussing why a deadline was missed or a project
failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a
lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to
absorb success and advancement by kissing up to
the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire
day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die
in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops some-
thing loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads
pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive
Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have
children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being
stressed out and whiney.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the
sh!t out of an electronic device to get it to work
again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers
beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions
that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the
problems they were designed to solve.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which
you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

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teapeebubbles

04/07/06 5:05 PM

#61312 RE: Deann #61292

A woman answered her front door and found two
little boys holding a list.

"Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a
scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains
of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used
carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such
a challenging hunt?"

"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."

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teapeebubbles

04/07/06 5:11 PM

#61321 RE: Deann #61292

At their high school reunion Sarah and Esther meet up
for the first time in fifty years. Sarah begins to
tell Esther about her children: "My son is a doctor
and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a
lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me
Esther, how about your kids?"

Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't
have any children and so we have no grandchildren
either."

Sarah says, "No children.... and no grandchildren!
So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"

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teapeebubbles

04/07/06 5:12 PM

#61322 RE: Deann #61292

Fifty-Six Facts You Were Perfectly Happy Not
Knowing

1.. Rubberbands last longer when refrigerated.

2.. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of
dynamite.

3.. There are 293 ways to make change for a
dollar.

4.. The average person's left hand does 56% of
the typing.

5.. The shark is the only fish that can blink
with both eyes.

6.. There are more chickens than people in the
world.

7.. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown
in New Jersey.

8.. The longest one-syllable word in the English
language is "screeched."

9.. A snail can sleep for 3 years.

10.. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction"
are stuck on 4:20.

11.. No word in the English language rhymes with
month, orange, silver or purple

12.. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends
in the letters "mt".

13.. All 50 states are listed across the top of
the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5
bill.

14.. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

15.. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies'
room during a dance.

16.. Maine is the only US state whose name is
just one syllable.

17.. There are only four words in the English
language which end in "dous" - tremendous,
horrendous, stupendous and hazardous.

18.. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de
Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de
Porciuncula"

19.. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

20.. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

21.. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped
fur.

22.. In most advertisements, the time displayed on
a watch is 10:10

23.. Al Capone's business card said he was a used
furniture dealer.

24.. The Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie
were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the
taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's A
Wonderful Life."

25.. Some dragonflies have a life span of 24 hours.

26.. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

27.. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

28.. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

29.. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the
world.

30.. In England, the Speaker of the House is not
allowed to speak.

31.. The microwave was invented after a researcher
walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar
melted in his pocket.

32.. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

33.. The average person falls asleep in seven
minutes.

34.. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf
ball.

35.. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is
typed with only the left hand.

36.. The average human eats 8 spiders in their
lifetime at night.

37.. A cockroach can live nine days without its
head
before it starves to death.

38.. A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not
white, but actually clear.

39.. Elvis had a twin brother named Aaron, who
died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle
name was spelled Aron: in honor of his
brother. It is also misspelled on his tomb
stone.

40.. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland
because he doesn't wear pants.

41.. More people are killed by donkeys annually
than are killed in plane crashes.

42.. Shakespeare invented the words "assassination"
and "bump."

43.. Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.

44.. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it
will eventually turn white.

45.. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

46.. Right-handed people live, on average, nine
years longer than left-handed people do.

47.. The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over
the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English
language.

48.. The names of the continents all end with the
same letter with which they start, with the
exception of North America.

49.. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be
made using the letters on only one row of the
keyboard.

50.. The word racecar and kayak are the same whether
they are read left to right or right to left.

51.. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by
eliminating one olive from each salad served
in firstclass.

52.. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

53.. Vatican City is the smallest country in the
world with a population of 1,000 and a size
of 108.7 acres.

54.. "Go!" is the shortest complete sentence in
the English language.

55.. No president of the United states was an
only child.

56.. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs
in it!