I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who's calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: Ok, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid five minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who's calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir,
that is right. 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We'd think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly, or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
Me: There you go again! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
SUPERVISOR: I understand that you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth &Teeth?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
Me: (I had to swallow before I chocked on my food. It was all I could do
to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem. I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation! Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: No, but I was wondering--do you have that "Friends and Family" thing, because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AI
