An idyllic setting in an alpine meadow of the Albion basin in the Wasatch Mountains. Photo by Teresa Prendusi.


http://www.fs.fed.us/wildflowers/ethics/

Bench in Field of Wildflowers Near Yoakum, Texas, USA


http://www.art.com/products/p13239043-sa-i2350169/darrell-gulin-bench-in-field-of-wildflowers-near-yoakum-texas-usa.htm

MERRY CHRISTMAS, all missin u TP.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/watch-online/ Great Site

One hot summer day, Warrigal came to town with his dog, tied it under the
Shade of a tree, and headed into the pub for a cold one.

Twenty minutes later, a cop entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog
Tied under that tree outside?"

Warrigal called out, " It's mine, mate."

"Your dog seems to be on heat," the cop said.

Warrigal replied, "No way. She's cool as,'cause she's tied up under that
Shade tree."

The cop said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said Warrigal. "That dog don't need no bread. She ain't hungry
'cause I fed 'er this mornin'."

The exasperated cop said, "NO! You don't understand; your dog wants
To have sex!"

Warrigal looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a
police dog."

Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex

-- You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

-- If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

-- The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

-- You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some.

-- 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.

-- If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

-- It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure.

-- You can do the whole neighborhood.

Success is like a fart....

It only bothers people when it's not their own.

Depends if you are her husband or not..lol

Where are you?

great .. you'll like it .. let me know when .. :)

Thanks, Hope to visit Someday!

OLD WOMEN


AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE.

THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED

THROAT.



SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD

THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG

GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A

BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.



The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying,

"HeyOld WOMAN, have you ever danced?"



THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID

DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."



A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU

OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD

WOMAN'S FEET.



THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF

-STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.



WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL

LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE

SALOON.



THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED

SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.



THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD

STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.



THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY

SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.



THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE

LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.



THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS

SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S butt?



THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MAAM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS

WANTED TO."



THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:



1 - Never be arrogant.

2 - Don't waste ammunition.

3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...



I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

bonds .. bonzer! .. dangnabbit aussi sang ..
http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 a.m. The
wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies,"How
am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!"and hangs up.

Her husband rolls over and asks,"Sweetheart, who was that?"

"I don't know,some dumb bitch asking if the coast is clear."

Imagine that every morning, a bank would open an account under your name with a balance to spend of $86,400.00.
But, there are two rules to obay.

The first rule is that everything that you would not spend during the day would be taken away from you coming the following day. You cannot cheat, you cannot transfer this money into an other account, you can only spend it and every morning the bank would open another account with another $86,400.00 in it for you to spend for the day.

Second rule : the bank can stop this «game » without warning: at any time the bank can tell you that the « game » is over, it is closing the account and there is no more money for you to spend.

Knowing this what would you do? I am convinced you would spend every dollar pleasing yourself, making thousands of gifts to people you love. You would make sure that you would use every dollar bringing happiness in your life and in the life of the people around you.

This magic bank, each and every one of us have, it’s TIME.
Every morning, when we wake-up, we are credited with 86400 seconds of life for the day and when we fall asleep theese seconds are not reported the following day. What as not been « lived » during that day is gone, yesterday as just gone by.

Every morning this MAGIC starts allover again. We play with this uncontrolable rule : the bank could close your account at any time, without warning : life may stop. So, what are you doing with your daily 86400 seconds of life?

Life is short, even for the ones that find it long…..so, make with life the best you can!


We are all ignorants but not of the same things.

Hellloooo

hi boys and girls

lucky or cursed?...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/28/100-orgasms-a-day-not-a-joke-women-suffering-from-disorder_n_1923163.html?ref=topbar

Don't Pull your Pud

AAPL head and shoulders breakdown watch here $650, 50 day MA

A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced.

When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who'd made the rounds of the campus. "Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course," he explained reassuringly. "This girl knows what the score is, and she's even a natural blonde."

The roommate arranged the date as promised.

The freshman was delighted by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and dancing.

On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in a cold sweat, and blurted out, "Gosh, I sure would love to have a little pussy."

"I would too," sighed the blonde, "Mine's the size of a goddamn milk pail."

A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.

One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don't understand it. That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn'thave a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his fingers."

"What the hell does he got that I haven't got?"

And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile looks at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?"

And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah. Of course I do."

"But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?"

The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks It!"

Bill asks a woman out on a date after meeting her in a bar.

She says, "What kind of car do you drive?"

Bill replies " A VW Bug."

She scornfully says, "That's awfully small!"

Bill replies, "Don't worry, I'm not going to screw you with the car."

demist .. detox .. demystify .. no, delightful doesn't fit .. defog does ..

"18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."

how come detour adds to a tour and makes it worse whereas the others improve the situation?

ok .. detour is like delightful .. demote .. demon .. how did i get to Romney?

scratch 'ead .. important things just hit sometimes .. :)

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker,
and a highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound! Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher
Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait...
Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.

"I have outlived my pecker."


A Poem-by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,

My pilot light is out.

What used to be my pride and joy,

Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,

From my trousers it would spring..

But now I've got a full time job,

To find the f***in' thing.

It used to be embarrassing,

The way it would behave.

For every single morning,

It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,

It sure gives me the blues.

To see it hang its little head,

And watch me tie my shoes!!

A Divorce story

CURTAIN RODS ---

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings
into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table,
by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp,
a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few
half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.




They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas
canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the
end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.. Nothing worked!
People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided
they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut
their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to
return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a
huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the
saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old
home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in
exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was,
she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 nth of what the house
had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.
A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ......


and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Stress

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water.
Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'... She fooled them all ...
"How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long I hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued,
"and that's the way it is with stress.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.
So, as early in the evening, as soon as you can, put all your burdens down.
Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.


1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker..

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Q: What is the ideal weight for a MIL?

A: About 2.3lbs, including the urn.

i had two mil jokes copied, that's a joke

.. lol .. chookled at yours ..

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for two years.
We haven't quarreled. I just don't like to interrupt her.

An old Les Dawson joke.

A Lesson Four Worms in Church (Four worms and a lesson to be learned !!!)

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol ... Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead.

The third worm in chocolate syrup .. Dead.

The fourth worm in good, clean soil ... Alive .

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service !!

Today is International Disturbed People's Day.

Please send this encouraging message to a disturbed friend ...

Just as I have done.

A young woman went to an evening class to improve her sexual capabilities. When she gets there, she sees an apple, an orange and a pear hanging on strings from the ceiling, and a piece of chalk and a black-board. "What is all this for?" she asked.

The instructor tells her to stand between the hanging fruit, and she does. "Now," said the instructor, "swing your hips to the left and touch the apple, now swing your hips to the right and touch the pear, then swing your hips forward and touch the orange." The young woman starts to rotate her hips, and soon gets a good rhythm going. "This is great," she said enthusiastically "but what is the chalk for?"

"When you've got the hang of the fruit," said the instructor, "I want you to stick the chalk up your ass and write `Mississippi' on the black-board twenty times."

The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous red-haired beauty.

"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained some of his professional dignity, "that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early."

Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"

Two ladies were talking over the back fence. One asked, "Do you use oral contraceptives?"

The other said, "Oh, no! Don't tell me you can get pregnant THAT way!"

A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn't take long before he is on the stool next to her.

They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You're really hot!"

"You're pretty cute, too," she says to him. "I'll tell you what. I live just around the corner - what do you think about coming up to my place?"

"That sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.

"Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question Do you like doing it Greek style?"

"Well... uh... I'm not exactly sure what that is," the man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing to learn! Let's go!"

So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can't believe his eyes! She has an incredibly beautiful body.

"Now, you're sure," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Definitely!" the man replies.

"All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

"Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man. She kneels down in front of his head.

She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Yeah! Yeah, let's go!" says the man.

The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest.

One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts.

"Mmmf, yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out,

"OKAY, GEORGE! Come and get it!"

An old widow and widower named Mary and Steve get married. They are up there in age, and the romance, engagement and marriage was quick. They hoped they had enough strength to live through their wedding day and night. After the marriage ceremony, they retire to a nearby hotel.

Both are very nervous. Cautiously they begin to undress in front of each other. In the process, Mary, the old woman, removes her false teeth and puts them in a glass.

Mary then removes her prosthetic leg and leans it against the wall. She looks up at her new groom and smiles nervously, and Steve is intently watching... Mary continues.

She removes her bra which contains false inserts; she removes a glass eye and gingerly places it in a special box on the nightstand. Again she shyly smiles at her aged spouse, and Steve continues to stare in an interested manner. As Mary takes off her wig, she realizes that Steve is not making much progress in getting undressed.

He's stopped undressing and is just staring at her.

She asks him, "What are you waiting for?"

Steve quickly replies, "You know what I want. Take it off and throw it over here!"

Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one day in a snappy new suit. "Where'd you pick 'em up?"

Jim beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"

"I'll say. What was the occasion?"

"Got me," admitted Jim with a cheerful shrug. "I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair in the bedroom."

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys TWO cases of beer.

Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.

lol for certain

edit: "God! Pregnant! Who?" .. more mystery .. just think SHE coulda gotta A++

heavy night maybe .. lol, it was a top A+!!! wasn't it ..

The Amazing iOS 6 Maps

http://theamazingios6maps.tumblr.com/

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The directions were quite explicit. The story must contain the following three items. Religion. Sexuality. Mystery.

Only ONE story in the entire class received an A+ grade.

It read, "Good God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who it was that did it?"

At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling the guests about this home country and himself. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children."

As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."

Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable."

As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!"

Q: What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?
A: No, she isn't!"

Judi and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored.

"Hey, let's play a game" she said.

"What game?" was his bored reply.

"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."

"What if I can't find you?"

"I'll be behind the piano."

Husband: "How about a little action tonight, honey?"

Wife: "Over my dead body!"

Husband: "How else?"

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

rotflmao t/y ;)

Father O'Malley, the new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the



older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions,
then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest,
and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.

The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, I understand
and how did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
slapping your knee and saying 'No shite! What happened next?"

ps: i inserted the image in, i felt, an appropriate spot.

butter is yellow fat so bad for all .. is nice once in awhile though ..

and all this time i thot it was so deaf persons could enjoy them too :)