Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

The Top 8 Signs You're NOT the Funniest Person in America

8> All your monologues begin with "Death to the infidels!"

7> Every time you start a "knock knock" joke, Simon Cowell pops out of the bushes and kicks you in the crotch.

6> Your Sam Kinnison impersonation not only failed to get you any laughs, it forced you to concede the democratic presidential bid to John Kerry.

5> The subject line of all your e-mails: "FWD: FWD: FWD: LOL!"

4> Your copyrighted signature catch-phrase is "Get it?"

3> The trick boutonniere on your lapel is connected to your urinary catheter.

2> Your "watch me pull a baby out of this vagina" joke is just creepy.

1> Your "homage to Gallagher" involves a huge mallet and live puppies.