Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE

There comes a time in any technological revolution when
some basic guidelines need to be laid down. It happened
when e-mail exploded on the scene and people started to
learn some basic dos and don'ts around the new medium.
For example, if you copy the boss in on an e-mail
message to a colleague, it means that you are through
kidding around. No one teaches these things in company
training; they are just things that get learned.

Well I've reached the point with cell phones where I
feel the need to lay down the law. There are some real
abuses of wireless technology being perpetrated all
around us, and the time has come to create some social
order out of the cell phone chaos. This is by no means
an exhaustive list simply because as the technology
evolves, new annoying traits will surely emerge. But
commandments usually come in tens, so think of this as
the first Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette,
with amendments to follow:

1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell
phone conversations. When people cannot escape the
banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a
cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table,
you should spare them. People around you should have
the option of not listening. If they don't, you
shouldn't be babbling.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha
every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or
the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not
enough that phones go off every other second? Now we
have to listen to synthesized nonsense?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public
perform - ances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be
said, but given the repeated violations of this
heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include
it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices
on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But
with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and
phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow.
Let's nip this one in the bud.

5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all serious-
ness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people
in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and
phones individually. Put them together and we have a
serious health hazard on our hands.

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not
on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and
carrying on another conversation with someone who is
physically in your presence. No one knows if you are
here or there. Very disturbing.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than
thou would on any other phone. These things have
incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to
the point where I can tell if someone is calling me
from a cell because of the way they are talking, not
how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder
won't help, unless the person is actually within ear-
shot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone.
For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant
communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At
home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell
phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer
impressive in any way (unless it's one of those
really cool new phones with the space age design), when
it is used for that reason, said user can be immedia-
tely identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a
restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the
Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to
a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a
little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it
just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on
your belt.

Well, I'm all thou-ed and thy-ed out, so there you have
it: the first 10 rules of using your cell phone. Most
of these seem like common sense to me, but they all get
broken every day.

If thou has suggestions for additions, I welcome thy
thoughts.