The Confessional

[teapeebubbles]

delyte says....

*My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.
Last night she used me to time an egg.*

*It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the
dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!*

*Last night my wife met me at the front door.
She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble
was, she was coming home.*

*A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over.
There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!*

*A hooker once told me she had a headache.*

*I went to a massage parlor. It was selfservice.*

*If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex
life at all.*

*I was making love to this girl and she started
crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in
the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself right now."*

*I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a
two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head
in case the bag over her head comes off.*

*I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons
to cure sex offenders.*

*My wife is such a bad cook; if we leave dental
floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.*

*I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and
got arrested for mooning.*

*The other day I came home and a guy was
jogging, naked. I asked him, "Why?" * *He said,
"Because you came home early."*

*My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for
Alka-Seltzer.*

*I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear
on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.*

*My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we
pray after the meal.*

*My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex;
she called me from Chicago last night.*

**
*And the Blue Ribbon goes to.......*
*My family was so poor that if I hadn't been
born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.*
R Dangerfield