Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

Awful Limericks (X-rated) just whut remora ordered, lol


There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead who re in a cave,
she had only one t it,
and smelled worse than sh it,
but think of the money Dave saved.



There once was a man from Kubot
who lived off of toe jam and snot,
when he had none of these,
he lived off the cheese,
from the tip of his grungy old co ck.



There once was a man from Kent,
whose co ck was so long it bent,
to save himself trouble,
he put it in double,
and instead of cu mming he went.



There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose co ck was so long he could suck it,
while licking his chin,
he said with a grin,
if my ear was a pus sy I'd fu ck it.



Little Willie Winkle
with a thirst for gore
stapled his sister to the door,
"Now Willie", his mother said with humor quaint,
"Don't do that, you'll scratch the paint"



There once was a man named Ken
who banged a girl in his den,
he knew something's wrong
when a wart grew on his shlong
and now he's in his den with Ben.



There once was a woman from Timbuktu
who was still a virgin at twenty two
till her boyfriend came along
and pumped her all night long
now she's at home with a baby named lulu.



There once was this guy called Mike,
who met this chick he really liked,
He tried to get near,
and she gave him a sneer,
cause the chick was a full-fledged dyke.



There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22



There once was a man from York
who picked his nose with a fork
when it got stuck
he cried "I don't give a fu ck"
and walked around looking like a dork.



There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He sh it his pants, he's disqualified!"



There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass



There once was a security guard
Who had some troubles keeping it hard
He jerked it off nightly
And squeezed it tightly
while looking at his identification card.



There once was a man from Peru
who fell asleep in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke up all covered with goo



Gorgey Porgey puddin and Pie.
Jerked off in his girlfriends eye.
When her eye was good and shut,
Gorgey Fu cked that one eyed sut.



I once knew a person named Burl
Whose looks would make you hurl
why do I say it?
I'm not full of sh it
this thing was half boy and half girl.



There was a young gypsy girl Rose
With obsessions for gentlemens' hose
Up her pus sy, her rear,
In her mouth and each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.



There was an old lady from Wheeling,
who had a funny feeling
she laid on her back,
and tickled her crack
and pis sed all over the ceiling



There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tr an.



There once was a man from Monclair
Who screwed his wife on the stair,
The banister broke,
He quickened his stroke
And finished her off in the air.



There once was this guy named Gored
Whose girlfriend was as flat as a board
He'd suck as hard as he could
And pulled them more then he should
But soon even Gored got bored.



Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep
She went to sleep.
The sheep turned out
To be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb!



A sexy young maiden named Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her ti ts in Brazil



There once was a man from St.Paul
Who swore he had but one ball
Two dirty young b itches
Tore down his breeches
And found he had none at all.



There was a young man from St. Rose,
Whose love life was so full of woes,
He loved sixty-nine,
He'd do it all the time,
But always got sh it on his nose.



There was an old hag named Van Cleef,
Who was constantly passing a queef.
One day while visiting the farm,
She passed one meaning no harm,
But killed the whole herd of beef.



There once was a man named Lou
Whose c um shots grew and grew
By the time they were done
He was having no fun
Because the world was covered with goo!



There once was a man from Moline
who made a jack off machine
at thirty-two strokes
the co ck sucker broke
and turned his balls into cream!



There once was a man named Eugene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.