Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

It has been known for many years that sex is a good exercise,
but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the
caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after
original and proprietary research they are proud to present
the results.

Removing Her Clothes:
With her consent ..................................12 calories
Without her consent ..........................187 calories

Opening Her Bra:
With both hands .................................8 calories
With one hand ...................................12 Calories
With your teeth ...............................85 calories

Putting On A Condom:
With an erection.....................................6 calories
Without an erection...........................315 calories

Preliminaries:
Trying to find the clitoris.......................8 calories
Trying to find the G-spot......................92 calories

Positions:
Missionary..........................................12 calories
69 lying down....................................78 calories
69 standing up..................................112 calories
Wheelbarrow....................................216 calories
Doggy style........................................326 calories
Italian chandelier............................912 calories

Orgasmic:
Real...........................................112 calories
False.........................................315 calories

Post Orgasm:
Lying in bed hugging..............................18 calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately..816 calories

Getting A Second Erection:
If you are:
20-29 years old...................................36 calories
30-39 years old...................................80 calories
40-49 years old.................................124 calories
50-59 years old................................972 calories
60-69 years old..............................2916 calories
70 and over......................Results are still pending

Dressing Up Afterwards:
Calmly.........................................32 calories
In a hurry..................................98 calories
With her father knocking at the door..........1218 calories
With your wife knocking at the door.......... 3521 calories