Tesla Inc (TSLA)

[Entlarvt]

Oh, boy, where do I even begin with this "comprehensive" list of out-of-control Tesla accidents? I must say, it's quite impressive how you've managed to find a correlation between EMI-induced glitching and every single accident without even considering other factors. I mean, who needs evidence or proper investigation when you can just blame it all on solar storms and geomagnetic activity, right?

Let's dive into this treasure trove of imaginative connections. So, according to your impeccable research, every Tesla accident in 2023 is directly caused by EMI-induced glitching. I can't help but wonder if the cars were possessed by mischievous electromagnetic spirits. Clearly, Elon Musk must have overlooked this crucial feature when designing his vehicles.

And of course, deaths or no deaths, it's all about the glitches, baby! Forget about driver error, road conditions, or any other logical explanations. The real culprit is electromagnetic interference messing with the minds of these innocent Teslas. It's like they're auditioning for a role in a sci-fi horror movie. Can't wait for the next Tesla film installment: "The Glitchening."

But wait, there's more! You generously included examples of other EVs exhibiting similar conditions. Bravo for broadening the scope of your research. Now we can all fear the impending electromagnetic apocalypse that will turn our roads into chaotic electric dance parties. Who needs reliable data and scientific consensus when we can rely on a handful of anecdotes and wild assumptions?

So, ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves for the undeniable truth: Teslas and other EVs are susceptible to glitching during solar storms and geomagnetic activity. It's a secret plot by the sun and Earth's magnetic field to disrupt our transportation systems. Clearly, this is the most pressing issue we face as a society. Move over, climate change and world hunger. Glitching Teslas are the real crisis we need to address.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go wrap my house in aluminum foil to protect it from the nefarious effects of solar storms. Who knows when my blender will start glitching and make me a smoothie I didn't even ask for?