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A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
You mean ailurophobe? And what might that be? AK
In the context of my question, since you see no difference, then the answer is both. But what can I say, since I have already seen your subsequent post <g>. I know when I've been bested. AK
p.s. Don't I make a perfect straight man?
I'll bite. Shakespeare or Romeo? AK
Know what a moil takes to a Bris?
.
.
.
.
A bris kit.
Hey, that reminds me...when's the dinner party?
(Is this worth a "quadruple" groan?)<vbg>
I think you missed the pun. (And I see by your post, going to rehab helped you become a "quitter".) Best to you, AK
Poet, guess you've never been to a Bris? I'll have to find Auntie Yenta's "Rules for Jewish Living". The first one is, "Never sit in the front row at a Bris."
You have, unfortunately <g, reminded me of another story, about a Moil (the Rabbi who performs the ritual circumcision at the ceremony known as a "Bris") who was very concerned about liability. He asked his insurance agent about malpractice insurance. "Insurance for a Moil?", questioned the agent, "Never heard of it, but let me check." A few days later the insurance man calls the Moil and says, "I've got good news and bad news." "So, let's hear the good news first", the Moil says. The agent answers, "The good news is that I can get you a $1,000,000 liability policy. The bad news is there is a one-inch deductible."
Hope this helps with your visualizations. <vbg AK
SEC Certification. I believe this is the SEC press release referred to in the CBS Marketwatch article. AK
====================
http://www.sec.gov/news/press/2002-96.htm
SEC PUBLISHES LIST OF COMPANIES WHOSE OFFICERS ARE ORDERED TO CERTIFY ACCURACY AND COMPLETENESS OF RECENT ANNUAL REPORTS
Investor confidence measure applies to the 945 largest SEC-registered publicly traded companies
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
2002-96
Washington, D.C., June 28, 2002-The Securities and Exchange Commission today published a list of 945 companies whose chief executive and chief financial officers are now required to personally certify-in writing, under oath, and for publication-that their most recent reports filed with Commission are both complete and accurate. Officers who make false certifications will face personal liability.
"This is an unprecedented step to help restore investor confidence,' said SEC Chairman Harvey L. Pitt. "We are demanding that CEOs and CFOs swear that the numbers they've reported in their financial reports are correct and that they've left nothing important out."
The order is intended to assure the investing public and the SEC that the corporate disclosure in reports already filed this year with the Commission is in compliance with federal securities laws, or, provide information quickly about those companies where that is not the case. The Commission's order applies to companies with reported annual revenues in excess of $1.2 billion.
The order requires the principal executive and financial officers of SEC-registered companies to each file with the Commission a sworn written statement in which the officer must personally attest that the company's most recent periodic reports are materially truthful and complete or explain why such a statement would be incorrect.
The officers are required to file their written statements with the Commission no later than the close of business on the first date that their company is required to file a Form 10-K or Form 10-Q with the Commission on or after Aug. 14, 2002. The SEC intends to make the certifications available to the public on the SEC Web site. The certifications will apply to:
the company's most recent Annual Report on Form 10-K filed with the Commission;
all of the company's reports on Form 10-Q, all reports on Form 8-K and all definitive proxy materials filed with the Commission subsequent to the filing of the most recent Form 10-K;
and any amendments to any of the above.
Poet, knowing your interests now, I was wondering if you would have answered #8 in such a way during your school days. <g> I couldn't figure out which one was especially suitable for KOI, as most of them seemed to fit. <vbg> AK
Poet & thread: Please grade this history test.
Subtract points for factual, spelling and grammatical errors.
====================
History Test
The following were answers provided during a history test:
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Cervantes wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln was the greatest president. His mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
17. The eighteenth century produced many inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers
Sooooo Blonde
=======================
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
..she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
..she thought a quarterback was a refund.
..she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
..she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
He Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
..he thought General Motors was in the army.
..he thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
..he thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
..under "education" on his job application, he put
"Hooked on Phonics."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
..she tripped over a cordless phone.
..she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can
because it said "concentrate."
..she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
"DON'T WALK."
..at the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here," she put "Sagittarius."
..she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
He Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
..he studied for a blood test.
..he thought he needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
..he sold the car for gas money!
..when he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice
instead.
..when he went to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left," he turned around and went home.
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
..when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home, she moved.
..she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
..if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
..she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the
evening.
Traveling by air? Take heed.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/2154773.stm
Alexed, that filter may not be needed on Zeevs thread. Most of the noisemakers stayed on Zeevs old thread, which tonight they declared DEAD (imagine that?), and they are moving to another thread for their fun and games.
The biggest noisemaker has quieted down because enough thread members challenged his nonsense posts, and seemingly his posts have been limited in number by "the management".
Amazing to me, a little bit of "moderation" (moderating?), and no censorship, and an informative, civil, and occasional witty humor from the likes of Koi has made Zeevs thread come alive. Koi is the first one I've seen with the vocabulary to joust with Zeev. If you have time, check on a few of the posts between them. :)
As to your posts here of (I don't know what to call them), there really is something to them, which I did not fully appreciate in the beginning. Thanks for posting them. Have a good weekend. AK
To Alexed, Poet and Koikaze, I wasn't this good with words as a youngster, but I have a feeling you all may have been. < AK.
========================================
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5 and 6 year-olds. After explaining the commandment, "Honor thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?," gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say: "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer, or that's Michael, he's a doctor." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head, the blood would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For weeks, a 6-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The 6-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever became of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?
CEO certification. This SEC link will provide more detail for you. AK
================
http://www.sec.gov/news/press/2002-96.htm
Augie, here's still one more thing to consider regarding your Pacbell DSL problem if you are using WindowsXP. This is an SBC link re Windows XP Drivers and FAQs.
http://www.pacbell.com/DSL_new/content/0,,70,00.html
Good luck. AK
Major World Stock Indices
http://finance.yahoo.com/m2?u
TSMC Capital equipment reduction, in dollars, is shown in this article. AK
=================================
By Mike Clendenin
Semiconductor Business News
(07/25/02 08:38 a.m. EST)
TAIPEI - Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company said profit increased 41% sequentially in the second quarter, to $279 million, as utilization hit 85% and communications customers and integrated device manufacturers buoyed demand. But it also warned that a nascent recovery in chips is starting to sputter.
The company said third quarter growth would shrink as average chip prices contract by 5% from the second quarter. Analysts believe growth will slow substantially to the high single digits. The same is expected to happen at United Microelectronics Corp., which reports earnings next week.
TSMC also cut its capital spending. Its 2002 capital expenditures is likely to be less than $2 billion, which is lower than the $2.5 billion forecasted previously. Capital spending will be reduced by about $400 million “in view of a recently updated customer demand outlook,” according to TSMC.
Last week, Singapore-based foundry Chartered Semiconductor Manufacturing said its revenues would only grow by 5% in the third quarter, much slower than its double-digit first-half growth. Chartered cited a probable slowdown in PC-related chips as those customers become more conservative about seasonal demand.
TSMC said sales rose 23% quarter on quarter, to $1.3 billion. That represented its fourth consecutive quarter of growth since hitting its bottom in the second quarter of 2001. The company reported a profit of $279 in the quarter, up 41% sequentially and 2,886.7% in the like period a year ago.
But sales are expected to shrink this month compared to last year, and company CEO Morris Chang said the semiconductor industry is likely to see single digit growth this year. Many semiconductor companies, such as Intel Corp. and Advanced Micro Devices, are forecasting lackluster sales for the current quarter and a slower than expected recovery.
A week ago, Gartner Dataquest took a more conservative view on PC growth in 2002, saying shipments would rise between 2-4%. Its previous estimate called for 5% growth.
Wafer shipments at TSMC for the second quarter of 2002 totaled 719,000 eight-inch equivalent wafers, representing a 20%increase over the first quarter of 2002, when utilization averaged 67%, the company said in a statement.
Going forward, the company projected that its overall fab utilization will fall from 85% in Q2, to 70% in Q3. In Q1, TSMC had an overall fab utilization rate of 67%.
TMSC's wafer production is expected to drop in the “single-digit percentage in Q3, with average selling prices slated to drop 5%.
$25.75 shows as LOD on NVLS. How do you do it? <g> AK
Larry, P&F chart linked fine for me. AK
World News
http://news.bbc.co.uk/
Ukie,
Reminds me of a charity raffle; you know, like where an old classic car is the prize? We used to have one. 100 $100 tickets for a "$20,000" (old) MG which was donated (by an MG repair shop, naturally). Supposedly one would write off the tickets as a donation, and the doner of the car would write off its supposed valuation. Funny thing though--I never did see anyone ever drive the car off <g>.
Hmmm, wonder if the car didn't run, and the winner got his money back. Mumm's the word. <g> AK
Whay don't they start their own board??
Don, it's easier to spoil an existing board; go here and see for yourself. AK
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/stocktalk/subject.gsp?subjectid=37484
Itsallover, I believe the objection was incessant provocative questions, childish statements, and no constructive comments. BTW, how do you defend your name calling? Maybe you also would feel more at home staying on SI? AK
He came back. Now I know what chutzpah is! AK
Wow, Maria is cheering today's rally! Guess she didn't take her own advice yesterday <ng>. Talk about blowing with the wind...AK
Expect to see Softechie here again today? <g> AK
It's nice how Maria shows her journalistic ethics by merely reporting facts, isn't it? Nobody manipulates her, no-sir-ee! AK
They purchased INVN last night ???
Softechie, I thought only Talmudic scholars ask questions in the quantity you do. Too much caffeine today?
From your lips to ...
Good thing he didn't pop for $6.95 for a month's worth of unlimited posting. OTOH, maybe he would use PM exclusively? <g> AK
Seems like everyone has Softechie's number. I'll try the tactic of "mental" ignore until Bob Z. gets his homework done <g>. AK
Gosh Rich, why don't you tell us how you really feel? <g> AK
Too good! <vbg> AK
Softechie, you must be trying to say something with all your questions. Do you have some answers to them, or are you just desperate for a response? (SI run out of posting room for you?)
Softechie, instead of provocative questions, why don't you say something constructive? Or better yet, stay on SI and read yourself (ng).
Official U.S. Time
http://www.time.gov/
How about a few answers? (More substance wanted here than on SI. <ng) AK
Finn, did it occur to you Brad is the first, but reincarnated? AK