Register for free to join our community of investors and share your ideas. You will also get access to streaming quotes, interactive charts, trades, portfolio, live options flow and more tools.
Register for free to join our community of investors and share your ideas. You will also get access to streaming quotes, interactive charts, trades, portfolio, live options flow and more tools.
Anyone watching RDRT? Up 11 cents to 71 cents, on only 515,000 shares traded so far today.
Local Area Network in Australia:
the LAN down under.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg,
but broke it off.
What's the definition of a will?
(It's a dead giveaway).
Koikaze thinks glass milk bottles are something new -- he's used to a pail and 5 gal. milk cans <g>. AK
Sarals, you won't have to wait long. <g> AK
=================
Will 'tooth phone' take bite out of mobiles?
By Reuters
June 18, 2002 2:46 pm PT
LONDON (REUTERS) - British engineers say they have invented a revolutionary tooth implant that works like a mobile phone and would not be out of place in a James Bond spy movie.
The 'tooth phone', designed by James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau, consists of a tiny vibrator and a radio wave receiver implanted into a tooth during routine dental surgery.
The implant does not yet have its own microchip installed, but Auger says the technology is tried and tested, and a fully functional phone could be put together in no time at all.
"With the current size of microchips this is feasible. They are now small enough to implant in the tooth," he told Reuters on Tuesday.
Sound, which comes into the tooth as a digital radio signal, is transferred to the inner ear by bone resonance, meaning information can be received anywhere and at any time -- and nobody else can listen in.
The invention raises the prospects of financial traders receiving the latest stock market bulletins while at the cinema and politicians tuning in to secret briefings from advisers while being quizzed by opponents.
Despite its similarity to high tech gadgets dreamt up by Bond's faithful sidekick 'Q', the inventors believe the gizmo could become the first in a whole suite of non-medical devices implanted into the human body.
Hey Patrick and Bob, this is the "Jokes" thread! If you must talk sports, at least throw a joke into the mix <g>. AK
===========
Golf Husband
On their honeymoon the new husband said to his bride "I have a
confession that I should have made before, but I was concerned that
it might affect our relationship."
"What is it?" she asked.
"I'm a golfer," he said.
"What's the big deal about that?" she asked.
He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be on the golf
course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If
it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf -- golf wins."
She pondered a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. In
the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed
something about my own past that you should know about. I'm a
hooker."
"No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a little and
overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
Bob, did you call the "help" desk? Is this the tech who's helping you with the server? <g> AK
===========
(Ostensibly) from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
PC Tech "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Customer "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
PC Tech "What sort of trouble?"
Customer "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
PC Tech "Went away?"
Customer "They disappeared."
PC Tech "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer "Nothing."
PC Tech "Nothing?"
Customer "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
PC Tech "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer "How do I tell?"
PC Tech "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Customer "What's a sea-prompt?"
PC Tech "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Customer "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
PC Tech "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer "What's a monitor?"
PC Tech "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer "I don't know."
PC Tech "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer "Yes, I think so."
PC Tech "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer "Yes, it is."
PC Tech "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer "No."
PC Tech "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer "Okay, here it is."
PC Tech "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer "I can't reach."
PC Tech "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer "No."
PC Tech "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
PC Tech "Dark?"
Customer "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
PC Tech"Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer "I can't."
PC Tech "No? Why not?"
Customer "Because there's a power failure."
PC Tech "A power...A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
PC Tech "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer "Really? Is it that bad?"
PC Tech "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
PC Tech "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
...I've wondered for a long time why cursing so often contains derrogatory elements about women or sex. Anyone have a theory on that?
Hi Sarals, a cursory (pun not intended <g>) search on cursing took me to a Chinese web site. The word "tamade" seems to be synonymous with "curse". Given the male-dominated nature of Chinese society, and that male-dominated attitudes still exist in American society, herein may lie the answer to your question. AK
===============
For reference to the article [Shanghai Star June 20, 2002]:
http://www.china.org.cn/english/NM-e/36454.htm
===============
Swearing often reflects specific beliefs and experiences of a society.
As long as there are Chinese people, tamade will exist, as it is used as frequently as the most popular greetings in the language.
The most respected author in 20th century China, Lu Xun, once titled one of his articles with a term of abuse tamade (Fxxx his mother's ...), a very popular Chinese curse.
He humorously said that as long as there are Chinese people, tamade will exist, as it is used as frequently as the most popular greetings in the language.
Sexism and curse words
Chinese people choose a person's mother as a target for assault more often than the person they want to curse.
"The origin of this phenomenon reflects the sexism of a male-dominant society," said Hao Mingjian, a professor and editor-in-chief at Shanghai Culture Publishing House. "The person who first invented this abuse must have been a man who vented his wrath on women of a lower grade in the community."
The phrase tamade has a long history, and there is no reliable record of its origin.
Ancient books have the earliest records of ancient Chinese insults such as "you are a slave or dog", and the most serious one was "your mother is a servant".
It is estimated that the custom of attacking people's ancestors as an insult began during the Jin Dynasty (265-420) when the hereditary system prevailed.
Social stratification
Common people could never rise to a higher social strata even if they had excellent talent.
On the other hand, aristocrats led a luxurious life even if they were totally fools.
This unfair phenomenon irritated civilians, so they began to vent on their foes, that is, insult the forefathers of the noble class.
Insulting someone's forefathers was the biggest outrage to an aristocrat.
Among a person's ancestors, a person's mother was the first considered for attack.
At the very beginning, this idea was invented by learned people who used elegant words, but as the custom spread to civilians, the phrases took on graceless dirty words similar to the English "fxxx your mother's ...".
"To avoid too direct an assault on a person, people changed 'your mother' to 'his mother', and left out 'fxxx' and the rest of the dirty words to show his own grace," Hao said.
Thus, tamade took its final shape used since the early 20th century.
Men invented the abuse and they were the ones who used it the most. With a tamade, a man offended the mother of a person he hated and meanwhile seemed to become one generation older than the person.
"It's a wise tactic," Hao said.
This popular abuse has taken on different purposes, expressing surprise and even happiness.
Social contradictions
Hao believes that abuses actually reflect social contradictions. The proliferation of the term tamade may be attributed to the chaotic "culture revolution" (1966-76) when people were quick to hurl abuse at each other.
During those 10 years, trust and other niceness were destroyed. Hostility among people was accelerated and swearing became a kind of weapon.
"Everything went to extremes and people chose the worst words to attack others," Hao said.
Tamade was the most popular one.
Till the 1990s, swearing was widely advocated in literary works. People at that time thought writers should remove their masks to expose the original aspects of human beings.
"Restrictions of morality has loosen and description of human's original desire and dirty words could easily be found in literary works, which was a social tragedy," Hao said.
Tamade, of course, were used most frequently. Now, people used it on Internet with the abbreviation TMD.
Did you get a quote from Ste? <g>
Northwesterner, you are half right; he did not say "Richard Nixon", but he also did not say "Dick Nixon". He simply said "Nixon". AK
==============
Richard Milhous Nixon [this article originally appeared in the Encyclopedia of American Political Parties]
... Nixon ran for governor of California in 1962, but he had never been a locally active politician and his years in Washington had made him out of touch with the situation in California. He lost soundly to incumbent Pat Brown. In a press conference shortly after the results were announced, Nixon berated the media for giving him a hard time since the Hiss case, urged greater fairness in political coverage, and claimed that this would be his last press conference. "You don't have Nixon to kick around anymore," he said. He took a job as a Wall Street lawyer, but soon tired of private life and took to the campaign trail in 1966, stumping successfully for Republican congressional candidates and bringing himself once again into the heart of Republican party affairs. ...
O.K., I give up. Guess I've pushed this story as far as I can. Actually, I'm the one who got suckered by not questioning it. A little thought, and one would realize you can't stack cannon balls on the deck of a heaving sailing ship. However, for those "old timers" interested in a little edification, here's some real info on the use of Brass Monkey, in naval terminology. The debunking of my Brass Monkey story is in the next-to-last paragraph. A.K.
===============
Reference: http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq107.htm
Brass Monkey
The word "monkey" is of uncertain origin; its first known usage was in 1498
when it was used in the literary work Reynard the Fox as the name of the
son of Martin the Ape. "Monkey" has numerous
nautical meanings, such as a small coastal trading vessel, single masted
with a square sail of the 16th and 17th centuries; a small wooden cask in
which grog was carried after issue from a grog-tub to the
seamen's messes in the Royal Navy; a type of marine steam reciprocating
engine where two engines were used together in tandem on the same propeller
shaft; and a sailor whose job involved climbing
and moving swiftly (usage dating to 1858). A "monkey boat" was a narrow
vessel used on canals (usage dating to 1858); a "monkey gaff" is a small
gaff on large merchant vessels; a "monkey jacket" is
a close fitting jacket worn by sailors; "monkey spars" are small masts and
yards on vessels used for the "instruction and exercise of boys;" and a
"monkey pump" is a straw used to suck the liquid from a
small hole in a cask; a "monkey block" was used in the rigging of sailing
ships; "monkey island" is a ship's upper bridge; "monkey drill" was
calisthenics by naval personnel (usage dating to 1895); and
"monkey march" is close order march by US Marine Corps personnel (usage
dating to 1952). [Sources: Cassidy, Frederick G. and Joan Houston Hall eds.
Dictionary of American Regional English.
vol.3 (Cambridge MA: Harvard University Press, 1996): 642; Wilfred
Granville. A Dictionary of Sailors' Slang (London: Andre Deutch, 1962): 77;
Peter Kemp ed. Oxford Companion to Ships &
the Sea. (New York: Oxford University; Press, 1976): 556; The Oxford
English Dictionary. New York: Oxford University Press, 1933; J.E. Lighter
ed. Random House Historical Dictionary of
American Slang. (New York: Random House, 1994): 580.; and Eric Partridge A
Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English. 8th ed. (New York:
Macmillan Publishing Company): 917.]
"Monkey" has also been used within an ordnance context. A "monkey" was a
kind of gun or cannon (usage dating to 1650). "Monkey tail" was a short
hand spike, a lever for aiming a carronade
[short-sight iron cannon]. A "powder monkey" was a boy who carried gun
powder from the magazine to cannons and performed other ordnance duties on
a warship (usage dating to 1682). [Source:
The Oxford English Dictionary. New York: Oxford University Press, 1933.]
The first recorded use of the term "brass monkey" appears to dates to 1857
when it was used in an apparently vulgar context by C.A. Abbey in his book
Before the Mast, where on page 108 it says "It
would freeze the tail off a brass monkey." [Source: Lighter, J.E. ed.
Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang. (New York: Random
House, 1994): 262.]
It has often been claimed that the "brass monkey" was a holder or storage
rack in which cannon balls (or shot) were stacked on a ship. Supposedly
when the "monkey" with its stack of cannon ball
became cold, the contraction of iron cannon balls led to the balls falling
through or off of the "monkey." This explanation appears to be a legend of
the sea without historical justification. In actuality,
ready service shot was kept on the gun or spar decks in shot racks (also
known as shot garlands in the Royal Navy) which consisted of longitudinal
wooden planks with holes bored into them, into
which round shot (cannon balls) were inserted for ready use by the gun
crew. These shot racks or garlands are discussed in: Longridge, C. Nepean.
The Anatomy of Nelson's Ships. (Annapolis MD:
Naval Institute Press, 1981): 64. A top view of shot garlands on the upper
deck of a ship-of-the-line is depicted in The Visual Dictionary of Ships
and Sailing. New York: Dorling Kindersley, 1991):
17.
"Brass monkey" is also the nickname for the Cunard Line's house flag which
depicts a gold lion rampant on a red field. [Source: Rogers, John. Origins
of Sea Terms. (Mystic CT: Mystic Seaport
Museum, 1984): 23.]
Obviously LG is showing off again. Koikaze, I know you don't want to make LG feel bad, but let's show him that commercial you did.
http://www.funpic.hu/fun-bin/picviewe.cgi?pic=ot232&kateg=video
[note: .avi file, requires appropriate viewer][no audio].
AK
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
-- Anon.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
-- Anon
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-- Anon
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
-- Anon
But what would make a witches tit cold if not for the brass bra?
Phil, I never met a witch except on Halloween, and I for sure never got close enough to determine what kind of bra she was wearing <g>. You apparently are a man of experience (perhaps from your fraternity party days?) and I am sure you will give us an explanation of the question that you have posed.
However, if I was to speculate, the cold analogy would have to do with a "cold" personality, but BWDIK? C'mon, please give us the answer <vbg>.
Is somebody pulling my leg?
Koikaze, pick one:
a) You have a Pit Bull, and have forgotten?
b) You are at the chiropractor, and have forgotten?
c) You are at the gym, and the trainer is given you stretching exercises, and you have forgotten where you are?
d) You forgot you have climbed a tree, and the fireman is trying to get you down?
e) You know me all too well.
Phil, I never heard the expression "Hotter than a witches tit in a brass bra?" However, I do recollect from my college experience many years ago, on very cold days we would use the expression "It's colder than a witch's tit." We must have gone to different schools <g>.
AK
p.s. Apologies for not being PC, so all feminists here, please share the sexist versions you learned in school <g>. (Sarals, you here?)
Given recent discussions on this thread about profane language, I am reminded of a story that illustrates if one uses profanity, be sure to do so correctly. AK
=================
In Florida, a thief burst into a bank wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F**K-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard lost his composure and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.
The bank later put an engraved plaque on the wall with the words "Freeze, mother-stickers!"
So you kept having to send your muddy coat to the cleaners? AK
Q. Anybody here served in the Navy?
A. Nah. But my son's on active duty in the Air Force. Does that count? -- Northwesterner
Not really, but since I'm not getting any takers to set them up for this story, guess you will have to be the straight man, Northwesterner. Because we've established that you are "older than dirt", please give the thread your comments on this:
Brass Monkey
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?
The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem--how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.
But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" (And all this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you? Never heard of that expression, have you?)
Fred, and had you not used calming words, would the result have been the same (or possibly worse)? AK
SFD mention. Drought, mountain of meat hurt U.S. pork industry
August 30, 2002 2:21:00 PM ET
By Bob Burgdorfer
CHICAGO, Aug 30 (Reuters) - Drought and a mountain of meat backed up in warehouses are set to pressure pork prices this fall to the lowest level in several years -- good news to consumers but a new headache for farmers and packers.
The drought in the U.S. Corn Belt has sent prices of corn, the main livestock feed, soaring this summer, leaving hog producers swimming in red ink and accelerating a push to shrink or sell off their herds.
For consumers, the glut of hogs likely means low-priced pork through mid-2003. Beef supplies are expected to decline later this year, but it will be hard for beef prices to move higher because of competitive pressure from pork and chicken.
"We will probably see some of the cheapest retail pork prices in about four years," said Kevin Bost, a meat analyst at Topco Associates, a food cooperative that supplies about 2,000 supermarkets nationwide.
Hogs have flooded packing houses this month at a record pace, driving prices so low that producers are losing $40 to $50 on every animal they sell. The flow of hogs coming in from Canada has also added pressure.
But the avalanche of hogs is piling onto an already huge mountain of pork and, especially, poultry in cold storage.
At the end of July, stocks of frozen pork in U.S. warehouses totaled 473.9 million lbs, well above the 339.5 million lbs in cold storage a year earlier, according to the U.S. Agriculture Department.
Meanwhile, frozen beef stocks had risen to 423.2 million lbs, up from 351.4 million a year ago. Frozen poultry stocks were also at an all-time high 1.581 billion lbs, up from 1.186 billion a year earlier.
The abundance of poultry has been the prime factor behind lower retail prices for all meats this year, as a halt in imports from Russia -- the top U.S. poultry market -- pushed thousands of tons of excess chicken meat into supermarkets, sparking a discounting war among retailers.
The United States and Russia last week announced an agreement that should allow U.S. exports to resume. But analysts said U.S. consumers will have no problem finding abundant low-priced hams, chops, and other pork items this fall and winter.
ECHOES OF 1998 OVERSUPPLY WOES
Four years ago, beginning in late 1998, the hog industry went through a devastating period when supplies were so huge hog prices fell to a 50-year low of under $10 per hundred lbs. Prices are presently around $20 per hundred lbs.
Hog producers now fear a repeat of that nightmare.
On Thursday, Gov. Tom Vilsack of Iowa, the largest hog producing state, advised producers to sell hogs now rather than create an avalanche this fall that could bury prices.
"Pulling some of the fall supplies ahead a few days would reduce the number of hogs targeted for the fourth quarter," Vilsack said in a letter to hog producers.
Vilsack said Iowa State University economists were worried that fourth-quarter hog supplies could exceed the nation's slaughter capacity. Having more hogs than pork plants can handle even for a few days "Could force hog prices lower and cause a repeat of the disastrous 1998 hog market," he said.
Producers in Illinois shared the same worries.
"I have hopes it is happening earlier than what we have anticipated and that December isn't going to be as bad as expected," John Kellogg, a Yorkville, Illinois, hog producer, said of current hog sales. "Either it is happening quicker, or it is going to be terrible in December," he said.
Kellogg, who ships about 28,000 hogs a year, said he will have to borrow money to survive this year's market. At current prices, Kellogg estimates he is losing $40 to $50 on each hog.
"Nobody can stand that for an extended period of time, so people are either going to quit or use up any equity they have and try and stick this thing out," Kellogg said.
Big meatpackers have also been feeling the pinch.
Tyson Foods Inc. (TSN), the world's top meat producer, said on Aug. 18 it would cut the number of sows in its swine operation by 30 percent to about 70,000 due to losses.
Smithfield Foods Inc. (SFD), the nation's largest hog and pork producer, last week blamed low hog prices for a nearly 80 percent drop in quarterly earnings. REUTERS
Bob, you're re-doing your garden? You live on a hill? Be forewarned: http://www.thewvsr.com/gargoyle.htm
AK
VTSS. California Vitesse Chief Buys 200,000 Shares as Stock Plunges Semiconductor: The company is trading below its IPO price--at unrealistic levels, the CEO says. He blames analysts' bleak forecasts.
29 August 2002
Los Angeles Times
Louis Tomasetta, chief executive of Vitesse Semiconductor Corp., is buying stock in the Camarillo chip maker as the shares trade below their initial public offering price of a decade ago.
Tomasetta, a company co-founder, has purchased 200,000 company shares since mid-August for as little as $1.18 each, according to filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission. In December 1991, Vitesse sold shares through an IPO at $1.50 each, adjusted for stock splits.
Because Vitesse specializes in developing integrated circuits for the telecommunications business, its revenue has declined as telephone companies curtailed capital spending amid a capacity glut. Bleak forecasts have pushed Vitesse shares below realistic levels, Tomasetta said.
"If you listen to some of the analysts, the assumption is that we are running out of cash and are going to go out of business," Tomasetta said. "Today we are selling at barely one times revenue, which is extremely low for a technology company, especially one that has markets with long-term potential growth."
Selling at one times revenue means the market value investors have placed on Vitesse is about equal to the revenue it generates in one year. When the telecommunications industry was booming in early 2000 and Vitesse shares reached $115 each, the company's market capitalization of $18 billion was about 27 times its peak annualized revenue.
Tomasetta said his purchases were his first on the open market in five or six years.
Last year, Tomasetta generated about $13.8 million in profit by selling Vitesse common shares, according to an SEC filing. He exercised options to purchase 200,000 common shares at $5.63 each and then sold the stock on the open market in January 2001 for $74.36 to $75.75 a share.
At the time of the IPO in 1991, Vitesse generated quarterly revenue of about $10 million, Tomasetta said. Vitesse now is realizing about $40 million in revenue each quarter.
Analysts say Vitesse's financial condition has become more precarious because it has about $452 million of bonds outstanding, compared with about $472 million of cash and short-term securities that the company held as of June 30.
Vitesse has "a weaker balance sheet relative to comparable companies," said Paul Brandeis, an analyst at Needham & Co. "The end markets they are serving continue to be very weak without much near-term visibility for a return to growth."
Vitesse Semiconductor has been buying back its convertible debt on the open market, paying about 70 cents for each dollar of face value. This lowers the amount of debt that the company will have to repay when the bonds come due in March 2005.
"We have cut our costs to the stage that if we continue to buy back bonds at a discount we will have plenty of cash to get through the downturn," Tomasetta said.
Vitesse shares fell 5 cents to $1.36 in Nasdaq trading Wednesday.
Anybody here served in the Navy?
Priests in Hawaii
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation. To improve their chances of having a real vacation, they decided not to wear anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying their drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead, gorgeous, blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
When she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits - outfits so loud you could hear them coming before you even saw them. Once again, they settled down on the beach to enjoy the sunshine.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde came walking toward them. Again, she approached them and greeted them individually, said "Good morning Father," and walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it. "Just a minute young lady," he said. "Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know: how in the world did you know we are priests?"
"Father, it's me, Sister Veronica."
OT. Augie, know how you refer to the "smelly SOX"? Uhh, so this is for you. AK
=============
A very nervous man became an investments broker. Whenever there was bad
news about a company he held shares in, his nervousness would make his feet sweat profusely.
It's apparently a common trait in investment circles -- bad news makes your socks stink.
Would it be possible to add a toggle for an audio alert in addition to, or in place of, "Alert Browser Window On New Messages"? AK
SKX sell-off. This might explain the drop in SKX this morning. Following from Briefing.com:
7:37AM Footstar lowers guidance due to slump in Footaction sales (FTS) 13.55: In light of the significantly lower than expected sales at Footaction, co slashes Q3 guidance to a range of $0.55-$0.60 (Multex consensus $0.97). Says results for the month of August were below expectations, especially in the athletic division. "With the slow start to the back-to-school season, our focus in the upcoming months will be to aggressively manage our inventories, especially at Footaction."
8:12AM Finish Line lowers guidance (FINL) 10.49: Retailer reducing Q2 outlook to a range of $0.34-$0.36 from previous guidance of $0.45-$0.47 (Multex consensus $0.47). For Q3, co sees a loss of $0.11-$0.13 (consensus -$0.08). Puts Q4 earnings at $0.35-$0.37 (consensus $0.39). "The promotional environment for the back to school period has been very high and we have reacted with increased price promotions in our stores, which has led to lower than expected product margins
That's 'cause you're spending too much time reading stories on the Jokes thread <g>.
AK
Not exactly investing Haiku, but...
News item:
Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows operating system, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been - until now - an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry.
The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's new error messages:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless more exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.