My interest in boxed wine has been eclipsed by the appearance of this unsolicited addition to things I would never have known I wanted to know, which arrived via PM today:
When A Margaux Just Won't Do (from the Wine Board's Roving Correspondent)
When selecting a fine wine from the Medoc, Hugh Johnson is a source to consider. Alas, to the outdoor wine enthusiast, Mr. Johnson is merely a useless snot with affectations. When one's studio apartment is corrugated and says Maytag on the side, stemware and decanting are not considerations, and concessions must be made to one's purse.
Together with the renown experts at bumwine.com, your intrepid correspondent sought to identify and rank our country's foremost street wines, those grand cruds most guzzled and beloved by America's alleyway denizens.
After a truly wrenching testing process, a mere five of these alcohol fortified wines were deemed sufficiently horrid to be included on our final list. They are (drumroll, please): Cisco, Mad Dog 20/20, Night Train Express, Thunderbird, and Wild Irish Rose. Now, borrowing liberally (plagiarizing) from bumwine.com, I invite you to:
Meet the Cruds
Cisco: Said to be favored by those with hankerings for Robitussin, tales of Cisco-induced, semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too.
MD 20/20: Avaliable in various nauseating tropical flavors that coat your whole system like bathtub scum, but only the full "Red Grape Wine" flavor packs the 18% wallop.
Night Train Express: Some of our researchers indicated that it gave them a NyQuil-like drowsiness, and perhaps this is why the put "night" in the name.
Thunderbird: If you are a person who likes to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird.
Wild Irish Rose: There are those who consider this foul beverage to be a conspiracy by the Republicans to kill the homeless.
All of these gems have an alcohol content of a mind numbing 17.5 percent minimum, and surprise of surprises, two of them are products of Ernie and Julio Gallo.
A votre sante!