Replies to post #177145 on Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

oh, ok :)

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 4:42 PM MST on August 18, 2011
Phoenix
111.5° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 17%
HeatIndex: 112° F
Dewpoint: 56° F
Pressure: 29.88 in
UV: 3 out of 16
Clouds:
SCT at 12000 ft
SCT at 19000 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. A chance of showers and thunderstorms in the evening. Not as warm. Lows 77 to 87. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph. Chance of measurable rain 30 percent.


Friday: Partly sunny. A slight chance of afternoon showers and thunderstorms. Not as warm. Highs 101 to 106. Light wind in the morning becoming southwest 5 to 10 mph in the afternoon. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.

[teapeebubbles]

j4 came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him.

She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled,
"My husband's home! My husband's home!"

[teapeebubbles]

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
- The man.

[teapeebubbles]

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
- His wife is good at picking out clothes.

[teapeebubbles]

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
- Slow.

[teapeebubbles]

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
- Castrated.

[teapeebubbles]

TO TECHNICAL SUPPORT:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs & launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this Wife 1.0.
Can you help me, please!!! Otherwise, I'm screwed.
Thanks, Joe.

REPLY:
DEAR JOE SCREWED
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary
misconception. Many people upgrade form Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more
problems than the original system.
Look in you manual under "Warnings-Alimony / Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command: C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance to Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

[teapeebubbles]

Jimmy, a priest and a rabbi were talking one day and during the course of the conversation, Jimmy casually asks the rabbi, "I know that in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even tasted it?" The rabbi responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Jimmy then asks the priest, "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate, but..." The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice." The rabbi then asks the priest, "Better than pork, isn't it?"