Replies to post #175784 on Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

brrrrrrrrr

[teapeebubbles]

Updated: 5:46 PM MST on August 15, 2011
Phoenix
108.3° F
Mostly Cloudy
Wind: Calm mph
Humidity: 17%
HeatIndex: 107° F
Dewpoint: 53° F
Pressure: 29.86 in
UV: 2 out of 16
Clouds:
FEW at 12000 ft
SCT at 17000 ft
BKN at 25000 ft
Visibility: 10.0 miles



Tonight: Partly cloudy. A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms in the evening. Lows 76 to 86. Southwest wind 5 to 15 mph. Chance of measurable rain 10 percent.


Tuesday: Partly sunny. Highs 101 to 106. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph.

[teapeebubbles]

j4 Knows...

.... that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.

.... that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.

.... that if she looks like your mother, run.

.... that there are at least three sides to every story: His, hers, and the truth.

.... never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.

.... how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.

.... exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.

.... that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.

.... that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage.

.... that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.

.... that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi.

.... that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.

.... that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.

[teapeebubbles]

j4 was walking down the street and saw a small boy sitting on the curb
crying. He stopped and asked, "Little boy, why are you crying?" The
little boy said, "I'm crying because I can't do what the big boys do."
So the old man sat down alongside of him and cried, too.

[teapeebubbles]

"I was a 97-lb. weakling," j4 said to his drinking companion, "and
whenever I went to the beach with my girl, this 197-lb. bully came over
and kicked sand in my face. So I took this weight-lifting course I read
about and in a little while I weighed 197 lbs.

"So what happened?" his friend wanted to know.

"I went to the beach with my girl and a 257 lb. bully kicked sand in my face."

[teapeebubbles]

Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex

When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good.
If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler.
If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

[teapeebubbles]

j4 looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved and
said, "My heart is broken. I saw you with another man
yesterday."

"Oh don't be silly!" she replied, "That was just my
husband, you know there's no one but you."

[teapeebubbles]

j4 and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said,
"I gotta have you!"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.

When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said,

"That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"

His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."

[teapeebubbles]

You Live in Maine when...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.