here for yer enjoyment, mr PENIS
The following is j4's explanation as to why he
always makes a mess in the bathroom:
Written to the woman who accidently walked into the men's restroom:
You see, something you ladies should understand by
now is that men's weenies
have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a
bathroom stall because all the
urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the
toilet, and his peewee will
still manage to pee all over the roll of toilet
paper, down his left pant
leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling you those little
buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years, my wife has me
trained. I'm no longer allowed
to pee like a man standing up. I am required to sit
down and pee. She has
convinced me that this is a small price to pay.
Otherwise if she had gone to
the toilet one more time at night and either sat on
a pee soaked toilet seat,
or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to
put the seat down, she was
going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk
about, but because you
and I have become such good friends and you think
I'm a classy guy, I might
as well be candid with you because it's a real
problem, and you ladies need
to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning
wood". Most mornings us guys
wake up with two things: a tremendous desire to pee,
and a peewee so hard you
could cut diamonds with it.
Well, no matter how hard we try, we can't get the
thing to bend, and if it
won't bend, we can't aim it. Well, hell, if we can't
aim it we have no choice
but to pee all over the wallpaper and that damn
fuzzy toilet seat cover you
women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet
seat covers, the
frogging toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So
that means we have to use
one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other
hand to try to control our
less than perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I
know the guys in here will
back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet
seat with that damn
fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress
the fuzzy thing until
the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but
then the compressed fuzzy
starts to decompress and without warning the damn
toilet seat comes flying
down and tries to whack off your peewee. So us guys
will not lift a toilet
seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation
to my wife. I told
her ... look, it won't bend. She said, "So sit down
like I told you to do all
the rest of the time,"
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning
wood". Well, it's is very
hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and
before I could manage it, I
had peed all over the bath towels hanging on the
wall across the room. Now,
even if we are sitting down and we can get it forced
down under the toilet
seat, when we start to pee, the pee shoots out from
the crack between the
bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl.
We pee all over the
back of our knees and it runs down the back of our
legs on to that damn
matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you women keep putting
on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal
with this morning urinary
dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position--
lying over the toilet
seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect
balance, and split time
precision but it's the only sure way to get all the
pee in the bowl during
the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not
totally to blame. We are
sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and
bathroom cleanliness, but there
are times when things just get beyond our control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if
it was Father Nature,
there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
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