Replies to post #162208 on Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

Picking Your Nose


Deep Salvage Pick
Reminiscent of the deep sea exploration to find the Titanic ship, you probe deep into your
nasal passages.

Utensil Pick
When fingers, and even your thumb, just aren't enough to get the job done to your
satisfaction.

Extra Pick
When you have been digging for nuggets hours upon hours and suddenly you hit the
jackpot! Excitement only equalled by winning the lottery.

Depression Pick
When you're sad, and the only way to fill the void is to pick so hard and fast that the agony
overcomes your feeling of remorse and depression.

Pick A Lot
What we would call abnormal amounts of picking. Anything in the three digit realm we
consider a bit too much for a 24 hour time frame.

Kiddie Pick
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with
childlike joy and freedom.
And the best part is, there's no time limit!

Camouflaged Kiddie Pick
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in
deep and hold back
the smile.

Fake Nose Scratch
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray
boogers.

Making A Meal Out Of It
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.

Surprise Pickings
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to
gracefully clean it off your shirt.

Autopick
The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking. Also can mean automatic pick, the one
you do when your not even thinking about it, at work, while talking to a co-worker, during a
meeting....

Pick Your Brains
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.

Pick And Save
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the
snot so they don't catch on to what you did.

Pick And Flick
Snot now becomes a weapon against your sister and others in range around you.

Pick And Stick
You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.

Pipe Cleaner Pick
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%

[teapeebubbles]

The Warning Signs of Insanity...

Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect
tentacles to be growing from.

You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.

You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa
asking why you never write.

Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.

You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.

You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbour for setting fire to his lawn
decorations.

Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.

Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.

Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry
that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your little illusion.

You collect dead windowsill flies.

Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

You like cats. Especially with mayo.

You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island because they weren't rescued.

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's
for security reasons.

Melba toast excites you.

When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him because "the
napkins have ears."

You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an
infectious disease.

You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)

People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a
boysenberry.

You keep thinking this is the year for the Red Sox.

You despise the voices in your head, especially the one that speaks only Hindi.

You see migrating flocks of ducks in the fall and only your attachment to the toaster keeps you
from joining them.

The person you always talk to is invisible to everyone but you.

You like reading lists like this

[teapeebubbles]

Six Sigma is a business management strategy originally developed by Motorola, USA in 1986.[1][2] As of 2010[update], it is widely used in many sectors of industry, although its use is not without controversy.

[teapeebubbles]

Do You Practice Safe Fax?

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete
strangers every day.

Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before
they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.

Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should always be used.

Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people fax prematurely when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind if you try again.

Q. I have a personal and a business fax. Can transmissions become mixed up?
A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but so long as you use a cover with each one you won't transmit anything you're not supposed to.

Q. Is getting faxed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would like you to believe that the longer they are faxing you the better you will like it. In reality the best fax is short, of high
quality, and very graphic.

Q. There is a man I'd very much like to fax (I've tried several times) but he can't seem to
keep his equipment up long enough. Is there any thing I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good fax therapist, such as Canon or Mitsubishi. If he refuses to take the suggestion, it would be best if you just wrote him off.