I did my part to support the americans in quest of a cup. I tuned into the tube and within 20 seconds the Kudzu's, or Ghana, or someone, scored a goal, and it was in "extra time", which is sort of a lame way of saying overtime. Was a bunch of black dudes from africa running around and a bunch of guys in white uniforms, the americans, standing around, looking, comparitively, like widely distributed fire hydrants with their mouths open on the field. (or pitch, but there is no pitching going on, or anything that even requires the basic athletic skills that come with hand-eye coordination or opposable thumbs) The Ghana guys were allowed to fake injuries to run out the clock, but the referee is allowed to add time at the end for that behavior... there were actually stretchers brought out for Ghana guys writhing on the ground, full Hollywood, that hadn't even had any contact.
It is the sport where third world heroes get their 72 virgins while still breathing, and even before the finals, but they often refuse. And that is just for the remnant straight players, who look like pipsqueaks that took French in high school and cruise Pottery Barn for relaxation. A lot of them just sort of appear to be biding their time until they can emigrate to America and enjoy the rapture of same-sex marriage, out of reach of the pope and their mothers.
Of course, anyone connected with the game has to speak with heavy accents, preferably obscure English dialects, as that really excites the fans, who go apeshit at every quaint international reference.
The gays really have a right to their own sport, and i think they have found their mother lode. I wish them well, and godspeed, until i tune in again in four years for the next World Cup.
But it is a good sport for young kids, too, whose bodies aren't ready for the mayhem of contact sports, such as slow dancing at the prom.
All kidding aside, there is much to be said for Soccer Moms, who are untainted with any of the World Cup patina. As Willie Nelson sang, "Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be goalies" or something like that.
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