In case you missed it dept. Laughs for some.
President Obama expounded on Goldman Sachs executives while he toured Illinois on Wednesday. He told a crowd he thinks that at a certain point you've made enough money. No wonder the New York Yankees weren't smiling in the photo with him on Monday.
President Obama disinvited Tony Perkins and Franklin Graham from National Day of Prayer events Thursday. America is a majority Protestant nation and the president is disinviting Protestants from the National Day of Prayer. It may have been a mistake to fire Greg Craig as White House Counsel and replace him with Jack Kevorkian.
Congressman Peter King said the Times Square bomber may have been motivated by a South Park episode on Comedy Central. You're not allowed to insult the Muslim prophet. Jay Leno found that out the hard way at the Correspondents Dinner Saturday.
Jay Leno was sabotaged by President Obama when he performed at the Correspondents Dinner Saturday. During Jay's monologue the spotlights were on both Jay at the lectern and Obama seated at the dais, and when Obama didn't laugh the audience wouldn't laugh. Jay Leno's played a lot of clubs in his career but he never played the Kremlin before.
The White House said Monday that President Obama has been interviewing Supreme Court candidates. There's a litmus test. The president says he's looking for somebody who shares his view of the Constitution, making Stevie Wonder the early favorite.
Arizona was targeted by May Day parades in several cities Saturday for its law allowing police to detain illegal immigrants. The law was well-intended. The idea is to get Mexicans to leave Arizona and return to their native country of Los Angeles.
The FBI arrested Times Square car bomber Faisal Shahzad as he tried to flee the U.S. Monday. It's the fourth attack by Muslims on U.S. soil in a year. The White House vowed to redouble its efforts to defeat British Petroleum and white people in Arizona.
Faisal Shahzad was arrested for the Times Square bombing at JFK Airport before a flight to Dubai. He was seized before takeoff. A flight attendant noticed he'd carried a bomb on board the plane and he refused to pay the twenty-five dollars extra for carry-on.
The White House said Tuesday Faisal Shahzad confessed to the bungled attempt to explode a car bomb hooked up to an alarm clock in Times Square. He's a registered Democrat. He set the timer wrong on the alarm clock and he always votes on Wednesday.
Homeland Security identified Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad as a naturalized U.S. citizen from Pakistan Monday. The media wept. The New York Times, doing all it could to make him sound like a Tea Partyer, described the bomber as a Connecticut man.
Mayor Mike Bloomberg warned Monday that the attempted Times Square car bombing was probably the work of an opponent of health care reform. It wasn't that bad of a guess. He had an eighty percent chance of being right according to the last poll.
Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad told U.S. interrogators he flew back and forth to Pakistan frequently. He said he went there to attend bomb school. That's where they teach you how to buy a car with cash, pack it full of dynamite, and avoid Arizona.
The FBI said Faisal Shahzad admitted immediately to putting a car bomb in Times Square. He said he lost his house to foreclosure and he hated George W. Bush. The White House didn't know whether to read him his rights or name him to the Supreme Court.
President Obama threw a Cinco de Mayo party in Washington D.C. Wednesday. He has total confidence in his ability to persuade people. He invited Arizona's governor and Arizona's six hundred thousand illegal aliens to the White House for a beer summit.
House Appropriations Committee Chairman David Obey withdrew from his reelection race Wednesday. He passed the health care bill and now he's finished. Health care reform is going to end up evacuating more congressional offices than an anthrax scare.
President Obama vowed to veto the financial reform bill if it includes a GOP amendment. He passed the health care bill with no GOP votes and the stimulus bill with no GOP votes. If he gets any GOP votes on financial reform it will mess up his Keno card.
The Phoenix Suns changed their team's name to Los Suns for Wednesday's playoff game to protest Arizona's immigration law. It's just a token gesture. If they had really meant it they would have said no ticket is necessary for entrance to the arena.
Faisal Shahzad was revealed Thursday to have married into U.S. citizenship. He then quit his job, let his house go into foreclosure, moved his family to Pakistan, returned to the U.S., rented an apartment and began buying fertilizer. The reason Homeland Security missed him was that there were so many flags by his name they mistook him for the U.N.
-- Argus Hamilton
A lot of people are boycotting Arizona Iced Tea, which is made in New York City. But that’s irrelevant to the boycott organizers — Snapple.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at the U.N. today. He arrived in New York Saturday night, rented an SUV, parked it in Times Square, changed his shirt in an alley, and went to the hotel.
Cinco de Mayo is a holiday celebrated by over 80 million Mexicans — and that’s just here in Los Angeles.
The United Nations has appointed Iran to sit on the Women’s Rights panel. Also on the panel: Ben Roethlisberger, Chris Brown, Phil Spector, Robert Blake, and chairman, O.J. Simpson.
The market was so bad today that Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen.
Greece has overspent on large social programs, with a national debt so large that they can never pay it back. Thank God that could never happen here.
-- Leno
Timothy Geithner has presented a new $100 bill. He wanted to show it to us before we send them all to China.
Iranian dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in New York City. So for one day, Mayor Bloomberg is not the shortest dictator in town.
-- Letterman
At least here in California, immigrants end up doing the jobs Americans don’t want, such as talk show hosts, or governor of the state.
-- Craig Ferguson
Police in Texas arrested a man who was using the alias “Barack Obama” while trying to steal money from 35 ATMs. They could tell something was up when a guy named Barack Obama was trying to take money from banks instead of giving it to them.
-- Jimmy Fallon
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