Don't know if you ever see New Rules by Bill Maher but here is his last one -really funny - If you read this before you deleted it oh well maybe others will see how funny it is.
Okay, New Rule: If you need a study to tell you that texting while driving is dangerous, I have three letters for you. [slide reads: W T F?]
New Rule: If you get busted for having sex with a horse...and then a year and a half later, you decide, you know what, I'd like to have sex with a horse again......pick a different horse! Play the field, literally! I'm just saying, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Not to give you any ideas.
New Rule: From now on, to save valuable airtime, news outlets must only report when a ballplayer is discovered to be NOT on steroids.
And in a related New Rule: [slide of emaciated Madonna] Stop working out if your arms...start looking like Clint Eastwood's penis.
New Rule: If you're seeing Jesus in your dog's ass...[slide of dog's butt showing apparent outline of Jesus figure] I'm not religious, but I do see it. But, if you see Jesus in your dog's ass, it's you who needs to be chained in the yard. You know, there's nothing more embarrassing than inviting the neighbors over to witness the image of the deity, only to have Jinxy drag Jesus' face across the carpet. See how that goes over on C Street.
And finally, New Rule: Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything. Now, for the past couple of weeks, we've all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the Birthers, the far-right goofballs who claim Obama wasn't really born in Hawaii, and therefore the job of president goes to the runner-up, Miss California, Carrie Prejean.
And, you know, there's nothing you can do to convince these people. You could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate, with the placenta--and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background--and they still would not believe it.
Hey, Birthers, want to hear my theory? My theory is Obama was born in America, and you were born with the umbilical cord around your neck.
I don't know what his mother was doing when she was pregnant, but I'm pretty sure yours was drinking. Oh, I kid the Birthers.
And, actually, there is one thing that makes me think they could be right: we're Americans. Of course, we're going to hire an illegal alien to clean up.
I'm joking, of course. And laughing it off has also been the reaction from Democratic leaders, so far. Proving that Democrats never learn.
Because, in America, you know what? If you don't immediately kill errant bullshit, no matter how ridiculous, it can grow and thrive and eventually take over, like crabgrass or Cirque du Soleil.
This Birther stuff might be a deluded, time-wasting, right-wing obsession. But, so was Whitewater. And look where that ended up? Liberals said, "Oh, what are they going to do? Keep expanding the case until they impeach the president over a blowj*b?" Yeah. I'm telling you, in America, there is no idea so patently absurd that it can't catch on.
For example, have you ever met a Mormon?
Or, more recently, we had the Swift Boat allegations against John Kerry, making him, a genuine war hero, into a coward in a race against a guy who never left Texas. This was so stupid, Kerry refused to even discuss it. And we all know how well that worked out.
Now, you may ask, how does something as inane as Whitewater or Swift boats or the Birther thing gain traction? I'll tell you how. The same way the story about Elton John almost dying from ingesting too much of Rod Stewart's sperm gained traction in my high school. Dummies talking to other dummies.
It's just easier now because of the Internet. And because our mainstream media does such a lousy job of talking truth to stupid.
Lou Dobbs said recently that, "People are asking a lot of questions about the birth certificate." Yes, the same people who want to know where the sun goes at night. And where to put the stamp on their email.
And, Lou, you're their new king.
Which is why it is so important that we, the few, the proud, the reality-based, attack this stuff before it has a chance to fester and spread. This is not a case of Democrats versus Republicans. It's sentient beings versus the lizard people.
And it is to the lizard people that I offer this deal: I will show you President Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.
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