Replies to post #130104 on Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

t/y

[teapeebubbles]

"Little Johnny, what does your Daddy do for a living?"
the teacher asked.

Johnny answered, "My Daddy is a dildo maker, and he
says my mommy is a test pilot."

[teapeebubbles]

Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce.

Lawyer: Are you married?

Wife: Yes, of course.

Lawyer: Then you have grounds for a divorce.

[teapeebubbles]

An attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced:
"I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers
aboard and only 40 dinners."

When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."

Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants
to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Did you hear about the new deodorant called Umpire?

A: It's for foul balls.

[teapeebubbles]

For use in text messages on mobile phones or chat rooms :)

GOPlAinTraFk
- Go play in traffic

UvGotAFAcLikASqEzdTBag
- You've got a face like a squeezed tea-bag

IfUHdABrAnUdBDAjrus
- If you had a brain you'd be dangerous

IfUWnt2AMndREdrTherWldBNoChrge
- If you went to a mind reader there would be no charge

INoWenURLIinYaLpsMov
- I know when you are lying, Your lips move

TLItsROnBtNo1isHOm
- The lights are on, but no one is home

URAsMchUsAsMdGrdsOnATortus
- You are as much use as mud guards on a tortoise

TWhElsMvnBtTHmstrsDEd
- The Wheel's moving but the hamster's dead

URAsUsfLAsAChocl8Tpot
- You are as much use as a chocolate teapot

UR1SndwchShrtOfAPiKnk
- You are one sandwich short of a picnic

:-(YaBrAnIsntAsBgAsYa(_,_)
- A pity your brain isn't as big as your bottom