Relationship Rules
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at
any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts
to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some
or all of the rules, she must immediately change some
or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an
egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct
result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize
immediately for having been the cause of the
misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding.
See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any
reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind or
under circumstances without the express written consent
of the female which is given only in cases where the
female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for
any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under
any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems
appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or upset.
The female may, however, give false or misleading
reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See
rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the
female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the
male any clue or indication whether or why she wants
him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female
at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments
and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the
female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason,
resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal
or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish,
of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong,
insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or
oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past
occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male
has failed to accord her the consideration, respect,
devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed
on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals,
sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, air-
craft, or co-workers. Such illustrations are non-
rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or
Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner
of behaviours she wishes without regard to logical
consistency or accepted norms of human behaviour.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance,
thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the
sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other
external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses,
explanations, defences, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas
for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some
circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible
evidence of contrition.
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