Old Ladies' Noggins
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!
The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
Racists and Lightbulbs
How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None -- they don't want to be enlightened!
Get it Straight
A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"
In-law vs Outlaw
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
Outlaws are wanted.
Who Let The Blondes Out?
How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?
Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.
can i get out a few hrs early?????
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