I've passed your post on to Bob.
This was utter brilliance. And I let you out of Jail for it, even though you've (at least what I've read) showed no interest in getting out.
When torturing inmates, maybe you should send them on "scavenger hunts." Ask them to find out the model number of the AT&T wireless phone and how many minutes you get per month, etc. Make the inmates earn their keep as it were.
BTW, no more outbursts like on the weekend, I assume?