> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
> are taken, word for word, from actual court transcripts: >
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lay there.>
> *********************************>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reebok's. >
> *********************************>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?> >
> ***********************************>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ************************************>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
> his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?>
> **************************************>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.>
> ***************************************>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?>
> ************************** ************** >
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh....I was gettin' laid!>
> ****************************************** >
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: You're kidding, right? Your Honor, I think I need a
> different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?>
> ********************************************>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it?>
> *********************************************>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: & nbsp; He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.>
> **********************************************>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.>
> ***********************************************>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
> on dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies were performed on dead people. Would
> you like to rephrase that question?>
> ********************************************* ***>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did
> you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.>
> ******************************* ****************** >
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting up on the table wondering why I
> was doing an autopsy on him!>
> *************************************************>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?>
> *************************************************
> "AND NOW, THE BEST FOR LAST".>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check ;
> for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS:&nbs p; No
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
> you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.
Market Data 
Markets 
AI
