It's been rough for me. I actually started therapy this week because i have other underlying issues that could amount to clinical depression.
I've always been able to survive and be what they call a functioning alcoholic but I started to get physically sick and not eating anything in the last few months.
I first quit drinking a little over a 2 years ago because it was about to destroy my entire life but I kept going back to it every time I felt comfortable. Then it became an on and off again thing. Counting sober days and having to go back to zero because I had a drink at a restaurant that escalated into my problem again.
I was lying to myself and those around me and it was the worst feeling that I could have. It took my self esteem and flushed it straight down the toilet every time I kept opening my mouth, even though nobody else around me could tell.
I've lived an eventful life, to say the least, and I just want to keep it going outside of the bottle.
Plus, when I call someone else a liar here I need to back it up with my own decency. There's a ton of soul searching left to be done but I think I'm getting on the right path. I still lash out sometimes on these boards but it's only because I can't accept who I am and what the world is coming to.
I'm sorry for going at you too but you pissed me off and the last thing I'll lose is my wits.
I keep saying that we are all good people, some of us are just a bit more misguided than others.
I have lost 6 people in the last year that I'll never get back and that hit home...hard.
I'm not using it as an excuse but it makes me as angry as it does scared so I immediately get defensive and I shouldn't be that way.
trust me. I long for my sips of Glenfiddich Excellence but I just can't do it anymore. One turns into a week long bender because of my personality.
I have better places to put my money now.
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