Announcing they made a $2,000,000,000 deal didn't work.
Not quite sure what possible news could be "KABOOOM SHABLAM WHAMO OMG" enough news because that type of news has already come and gone multiple times lol.
They're going to need to manufacture real life unicorns or start selling the elixir of immortality.
The PPS would easily hold 15 cents if they sold Unicorns.