Spies Eavesdropping on Trump Complain He Is Speaking in Indecipherable Language
By Andy Borowitz
October 25, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Russian and Chinese spies who have been eavesdropping on Donald J. Trump’s unsecured iPhone calls complained on Thursday that he has foiled their efforts by speaking in a language that is infuriatingly indecipherable.
According to the spies, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, what they had hoped would be a treasure trove of valuable intercepts has amounted to little more than unintelligible gibberish.
“Trump has been communicating in an impenetrable code entirely of his own creation,” a Chinese spy said. “These phone calls might as well be triple-encrypted.”
A Russian spy who has monitored Trump’s calls around the clock said that the only words that could be identified clearly were “I” and “me,” but that they were used so frequently that they became virtually meaningless.
Both the Russians and the Chinese have given their top cryptologists the task of decoding Trump’s utterances, but many of these experts have quit within days, complaining of burnout, headaches, and depression.
“Trying to decipher Trump’s calls has reduced some of our top codebreakers to tears,” one Russian spymaster said. “They all miss Obama.”
Once Reluctant to Speak Out, an Energized Obama Now Calls Out His Successor
Video 2:oo https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/02/us/politics/obama-trump-campaign-trail.html Former President Barack Obama has leveled many attacks on President Trump heading into the 2018 midterm elections. These sharp rebukes, though, are a departure from how past leaders used their post-presidential campaign stops.Published OnNov. 1, 2018CreditCreditScott McIntyre for The New York Times
By Peter Baker Nov. 2, 2018
MIAMI — Former President Barack Obama’s voice has a way of lifting into a high-pitched tone of astonishment when he talks about his successor, almost as if he still cannot believe that the executive mansion he occupied for eight years is now the home of President Trump.
For most of the last two years, he stewed about it in private, only occasionally speaking out. But as he hit the campaign trail this fall, Mr. Obama has vented his exasperation loud and often, assailing his successor in a sharper, more systematic way arguably than any former president has done in three-quarters of a century.
Although some admirers believe he remains too restrained in an era of Trumpian bombast, Mr. Obama has excoriated the incumbent for “lying” and “fear-mongering” and pulling “a political stunt” by sending troops to the border. As he opened a final weekend of campaigning before Tuesday’s midterm elections, Mr. Obama has re-emerged as the Democrats’ most prominent face, pitting president versus president over the future of the country.
In a fiery speech in Miami on Friday afternoon before heading to Georgia for another rally, Mr. Obama said that even conservatives should be disturbed by Mr. Trump’s disregard for the Constitution and basic decency. “I know there are sincere conservatives who are compassionate and must think there is nothing compassion about ripping immigrant children from the arms of their mothers at the border,” he said.
“I am assuming that they recognize that a president doesn’t get to decide on his own who’s an American president and who’s not,” he continued, referring to Mr. Trump’s vow to sign an executive order canceling birthright citizenship for the children of illegal immigrants. “That’s not how the Constitution of the United States works. That’s not how the Bill of Rights works. That’s not how our democracy works.” “I’m assuming people must get upset,” he went on, “when they see folks who spend all their time vilifying others, questioning their patriotism, calling them enemies of the people and then suddenly pretending they’re concerned about civility.”
“Twenty-eight times he said you can keep your doctor if you like your doctor,” he told a small crowd at a West Virginia airport hangar. “They were all lies. Used it to pass a terrible health care plan we are decimating strike by strike.”
He also criticized Mr. Obama’s trade policies and treatment of the news media. “Lie after lie,” Mr. Trump said. “Broken promise after broken promise. Unlike President Obama, we live under a different mantra. It’s called promises made, promises kept.”
Since leaving office, Mr. Obama has risen in the esteem of many Americans, as former presidents often do. A poll by CNN this year found that 66 percent had a favorable view of him, far more than those who approve of Mr. Trump’s performance in office.
When he left the White House in January 2017, Mr. Obama said he intended to follow the tradition of his predecessors by staying out of the spotlight unless he perceived what he considered broader threats to American values. Advisers said Mr. Trump’s performance in office has qualified, justifying his decision to abandon restraint this fall.
“He cares very deeply,” said Valerie Jarrett, his longtime friend and adviser. “His language has been very direct and he’s made an appeal to citizens across our country that now’s the time to stand up for our core ideals.”
He has issued 350 endorsements that candidates then trumpeted on social media and he has helped raise millions of dollars for Democrats. A video op-ed he taped generated 17 million views and a voter registration video drove nearly 700,000 viewers to Vote.org, according to his team. He is taping dozens of recorded telephone messages that will be sent out this weekend.
Mr. Obama’s red-meat speech on Friday delighted the crowd at the Ice Palace Film Studios in Miami. But if he has become the Democrats’ “forever president,” as Andrew Gillum, the party’s candidate for governor of Florida, called him, there are trade-offs for an opposition party trying to groom a new generation of leaders as the start of the 2020 presidential election approaches. Elections 2018News and analysis about the midterm elections
“President Obama wants to make room for the next generation of Democratic leaders to step up, which is why he’s largely stayed out of the day-to-day fray over the past two years,” said Eric Schultz, a senior adviser to the former president. “But too much is at stake in these midterms and this moment is too consequential to sit out.”
To Republicans, Mr. Obama’s decision to directly take on his successor smacks of violating norms just as he accuses Mr. Trump of doing.
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