Replies to post #3586 on The Chic Board (CHIC)

[teapeebubbles]

Two blonde girls walk into a department store,
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up
a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist
and smells it "That's quite nice, don't you
think Tracey" "Yeah.

What's it called Shar?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a
moi, what the does that mean?" At this stage
the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi"
ladies, is French for "come to me.'" Sharon
takes another sniff and offers her arm to
Tracey again saying, "That doesn't smell like
come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

[teapeebubbles]

Know your "Shit"

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the
concepts and ideas you can communicate with it.
Shit may just be the most powerful word in the
English language.

Consider: You can be shit-faced, be shit out of
luck, or have shit for brains. With a little
effort you can get your shit together, find a
place for your shit, or decide to shit or get
off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell
shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and
tell others to eat shit and die. You can shit or
go blind, have a shit fit, or just shit your life
away. People can be shit-headed, shit-brained,
shit-blinded, or shit over. Some people know their
shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and Shinola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits,
and sweet shits. There is bullshit, dog shit, cat
shit, bird shit, whale shit, rat shit, and horse
shit. There is tough shit, hard shit, soft shit,
slimy shit, rough shit, and limp shit.

You can shit a blue streak, shit bricks, shit pink
Twinkies, shit marbles, or shit your guts out. You
can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck
when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit,
give a shit, keep shit, or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happie
than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter
than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. There
is funny shit and sad shit, bad shit and good shit.
Some shit doesn't stink, while other things really
smell like shit. Some music sounds like shit, things
can look like shit, and there are times when you feel
like shit.

You can be faster than shit, or slower than shit.
Sometimes you'll find shit on a stick, sometimes
you'll find shit everywhere, and then there are times
you can't find shit at all. You can have too much
shit, not enough shit, the wrong shit, or a lot of
weird shit.

You can carry shit in a bucket, put shit in a barrel,
have a pile of shit, have a mountain of shit, have a
river of shit, or find yourself up Shit Creek without
a paddle. You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit
or jump shit, and some people just can't cut the shit.

There is fun shit and dull shit, silly shit and serious
shit. Sometimes you really need this shit, and sometimes
you don't want any shit at all. You can stir shit, kick
shit, or stick your ass out the window and shit on the
world. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit, and
other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out
smelling like a rose. Shit! When you stop to consider
all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.
This means the universe did not begin with a BIG BANG,
but rather a BIG DUMP. Keep that in mind the next time
you flush the toilet. And remember, once you know your
shit, you don't need to know anything else.

[teapeebubbles]

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting.
After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit.

It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.


Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest
ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassiu! m and ma gnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, 'eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit.