Susie924, sorry but I have to disagree with you.......Queen or Princess, with a nice frilly little blouse, but by no means king. Not even close, nada, no, no, no sir, no mame.
And since this is my last post of the day, perhaps some humor:
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself "She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On is way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down
one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes,
farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!"
To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
Al is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Al goes to a secluded garden behind the center, to sit & ponder his accomplishments & long life. One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They began to chat, & before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Al turns to Annabel & asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" Annabel asks "What?" Al replies "SEX!!!". Annabel exclaims,"Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know", Al says, "But it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while." "Well, I can oblige", says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers & removes his MANHOOD & proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit & talk & Annabel would hold Al's MANHOOD. Then one night Al didn't show up. Alarmed Annabel decided to find Al & make sure he was OK. She walked around the home where she found Al sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding Al's MANHOOD! Furious, Annabel yelled,"You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don't have?!?" Big Al smiled & replied, "Parkinson's"