Hoople, although I dread it, I might not be able to get out of my social obligation tonight. (Don't get me wrong. I love the Spielbergs. Steven and Kate are great, but Madonna will be there, and she is SUCH a freakin' name dropper. In fact, if I hadn't promised Angelina and Brad, I definitely wouldn't go.)
Accordingly, I took it upon myself to taste the Georges Duboeuf Beaujolais-Villages Nouveau during the Patriots' mauling of the Schmuckaneers yesterday.
After deliberating for dozens of nanoseconds, I selected:
the 1.5L bottle because I really wanted to get hammered and
a 10 oz. tumbler because it was clean (relatively).
Here are my notes (the legible ones).
First Glass
Well, well, a cork. Hello? You'd think someone could have mentioned that. What's the purpose of cork anyway, to give Portugal something to do? Now what?
Swiss Army knife, come to papa. (That baby has everything but an eyelash curler on it.) Ah, got it.
Okay, holding glass up to the light. (Geez, it's not so clean after all.)
Initial impression: I'm new at this, but I'd say it's a red.
No bubbles. Remember to ask if it was supposed to have bubbles.
Now, to taste.
blech. Blech.
Sixty degrees, my ass. Ice cubes, kerplunk.
Georges Duboeuf....What's up with that? Were his parents expecting twins?
I wonder if Georges is pronounced "Jorges" or "Horgay." It looks like a "Horgay" label.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Second Glass
Hints of Ocean Spray. I'd serve this with a urinary tract infection.
What does beaujolais mean in English? Beautiful something? Good lay? I'm really curious. Who can I call that speaks Italian?
My tongue feels thick.
Third Glass
Suddenly, I am tasting a distinct nuttiness. Son of a gun. Hoople told me that if I concentrated, I'd begin to identify the flavors, and I can. Hot damn.
These pistachios are delicious.
"Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over, hey now, hey now"....Where's my Crowded House CD?
That sure brings back memories. Lucy "Boom-Boom" McGovern....geez, haven't thought of her in ages. I wonder if she's in the phone book. I think I'll give her a call.
Did that freckle just move?
Fourth Glass
Ow! Damn, that's going to leave a nasty bruise. The sucker is starting to swell already.
This crap is actually pretty good.
Where the hell is the phone number for Domino's?
Fifth Glass
"CONTAINS SULFITES" Okay....SOOOOO? Is that an advisory for moderation or an inducement to drink more? Should I scribble out a will or skip my multi-vitamin?
I guess a case could be made that I should have asked that four glasses ago.
This tile floor feels nice and cool on my cheek.
I wonder what's on the Playboy Channel.
**************************************************************
