Thank God we are Loved till the end mathwe633: We have an opportunity to the very end of our lives to repent. We are so fortunate, and tells me that every little seed of faith we plant is important as we never know when it may grow in someone. Conversely, actually leading people astray with your actions like I have horribly done can remove a seed of faith: I pray for strength now that I dont do it again and yes have lots of people to apologize too. But I am still alive so stil have time given to me by Him to do this. I feel empowered by Him yet of course naturally skiddish ... but am in the process of apologizing, repenting and seeking forgiveness while pointing to Jesus one person, friend and family member at a time.
....man did I make it all much harder on myelf than needed! ... should have never strayed so far to begin with. I write this as a lesson though for anyone out there about to go out on the worldy path.