Green Mountain Capital Inc (fka GMCI)

[primate investor]

Since all we have are rumors, I heard
GMCI is selling volcano insurance to people visiting Niagra Falls. So far they have one policy, a tourist from New Orleans who is taking NO CHANCES!
Totally broke, he had floated out of Louisianna, on a suitcase, and wants to retire wealthy in the event he is burned alive in Buffalo! Unfortunately, his suitcase was made of alligator foreskin and has since shrunk to the size of a wallet. GMCI accepted it as collateral for his new policy and they were told to avoid rubbing it. Our new CEO did not heed the advice and was found crushed to death in a phone booth outside a local strip joint. A passerby reported hearing a loud scream just before the glass shattered. A police dog at the scene reportedly crawled into the oversized suitcase which eventually shut tight. The wallet, now shaped like a dog, was found by the original owner and turned in for a cash reward.
This is just a rumor until confirmed by the company.