Zeev's Turnips Talk Politics (ZTTP)

[sarai]

Heaven short of virgins after influx of Muslim martyrs

HEAVEN, Monday: Heaven has admitted that it is suffering a severe shortage of virgins following a huge increase in Muslim martyrs. A spokesperson for Heaven claimed that paradise is struggling to meet the martyrs’ demands that their acts of terror are rewarded by "the favours of 72 virgins in heaven".
"Normally around this time of year you’ve just got a few Palestinians and the occasional Egyptian who has shot up a tourist bus," reported Heaven’s spokesperson. "But the attacks on America have really pushed us to our limit."
In the face of the crisis, Allah yesterday said He could not recall making the 72 virgins promise and blamed clerics on earth for beating up expectations.
"I mean 72 is a ridiculous number of virgins anyway," said Allah. "It's not like heaven is overflowing with virgins and we are sent less every year."



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