NEW ELEMENT CALLED REPUBLICANTIUM:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet discovered. Though just newly discovered, scientists believe it has existed in some form for ages. The most recent decades have witnessed drastic mutations, and scientists cannot predict the results of continuing mutations. Based upon its characteristics, the new element has been named Republicantium.
Republicantium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Republicantium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Republicantium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Republicantium has a normal half-life of 2 to 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Republicantium mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Republicantium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
Though scientists have made this discovery and identfied the properties of the element, they are at a complete loss to ascertain any productive purpose for the element. This is most peculiar, seeing that even the most dangerous of elements, isotpoes, etc., normally have some use; for instance, radioactive isotopes lend themselves to some forms of medical treatment. Republicantium seems to do nothing more than erode everything with which it comes in contact. More shockingly is that scientists cannot figure out how to eradicate the element, as each time any species has ever tried to attack it, Republicantium only mutates further into a more destructive mechanism.
Troy
Those who shoot from the hip usually end up just shooting themselves.
Plan the grub and grub the plan.
Where is the party tonight? Who is bringng the drinks?
