Some Things Never Change:
Recently an archeological team,
headed by Dr. Hans Von Hoffbuel,
announced that it has uncovered evidence of early prehistoric man's efforts at controling violence caused by rocks.
After years of translating the glyphs, the team has been able to provide us with pieces of text revealing that we have much in common with our prehistoric ancestors.
Schools are implementing a "Zero Tolerance" program that prohibits the drawing of rock-throwing, and any gestures that could be construed as rock-throwing.
The Board of Education is reviewing the long-standing practice of annual classroom visits by local police officers to discuss violence caused by rocks and to allow students to see real live rocks, after some students were found to be crying at the site of these rocks.
School psychologists were brought in to council the affected students.
Standing with family members affected by the violence of rock-throwers, point-man for the Anti-Rock coalition,
.....................Rep. Schmuck Schumer, held a press conference yesterday saying that,
"This latest anti-rock legislation will go a long way in keeping our streets safe and these rocks out of our children's hands".
The key provisions of the bill were:
-Mandatory "Rock-Locks" on all rocks.
-Mandatory backround checks for all rock purchases at rock shows.
-Limitations on imports of rocks, such as the Austrian "Glock Rock".
Supporters of the new ban on "Assault Rocks", a particularly deadly type of rock, known for its lethal potential were very pleased that this "menace" was finally addressed.
One supporter commented,
"What are these people DOING with these weapons?
...................... Hunting Dinosaurs?"
Meanwhile, Pro-Rock advocates have been putting bumper stickers on their cars with the slogan,
"It's the Thrower, not the Thrown".
After the recent Pit Rock attacks, owners of Pet Rocks turned out in show of support for owners of Pit Rocks, a breed of rock that some say is a particularly vicious breed of rock.
Pit Rock owners contend that they make great pets if treated with love, but that some people just train these rocks to be vicious.
Community activist,
............... Jurrasic Jackson arrived in town in an effort to try and help a community that has seen a rise in Drive-By-Throwings recently.
Jackson got off his bus chanting,
"STOP the violence, STOP the hate, put down the rock-its not too LATE!"
Jackson went on to say,
"If the gubbermant would throw mo MONEY at it, there would be less ROCK-throwin".
The president greeted Sarah Brady at the White House today, who is in town for the signing of the new Anti-Rock legislation in which she played a major role.
Mrs. Brady wife of James Brady who was senselessly stoned in 5,001,980 BC, will take part in the signing ceremony on the White House lawn at 11:00.
This new Anti-Rock legislation has won Congressional approval despite all evidence provided by geology experts who contend that rocks pose no inherent danger to society.
Anti-Rock proponents remained skeptical however.
Commenting on Mrs. Brady's tireless Anti-Rock legislation efforts, the President remarked,
"If we can just get rocks out of the hands of our citizens we will have a safer society".
..................Some things never change.
...........Larry....!!..
...........The best is YET to come....!!..
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