Poet's Corner

[Slipstick Libby]

Are you for or against capital punishment? - Those Capitol critter deserve all the punishment we can give.

Are you for or against legalized abortion? - Yes. And in certain cases, I'm for retroactive abortion.

What are your views on gun control? - Gun control is hitting your target.

Is your impression of the NRA generally good or generally bad? - Depends on whether they are aiming at me.


Is your impression of the ACLU generally good or generally bad? - RETCH!!! They claim to be simply defending the Bill of Rights. In fact they are pushing a political agenda.


Do you favor condom distribution in schools? - No. Cuts into business at drugstores and gas station restrooms.

Do you think public school teachers are qualified to teach grammar school children about sex? - Too early. This is a practical matter and they are not sexually mature yet. They'll forget it by the time they need it.


Do you think doctors are overpaid? - Not when they save my life.

Do businesses create oppression? - Say what?

What are your views on global warming? - I'm in favor of it.

Do you support Kyoto? - Isn't this a Japanese responsibility?

Is being gay nature or nurture? - Some people are naturally happy; some are naturally sad.

How do you feel about gay marriage? - I think people should enjoy their marriages as much as possible.

Should the welfare budget be cut? - Sliced, diced, and thrown in the garbage.

Should the military budget be cut? - Not till we've conquered the rest of the universe.

How do you feel about missile defense? Yes.


Should the budgets of the NEA, public radio and public television be cut? - Depends on how bad (or good) their last program was.

Should the AIDS research budget be increased? - What? We have a shortage of people to spread it?

Are standardized tests racist? - Oh, gimme a break.

Is there such a thing as reverse racial discrimination? - Yes. It's called "affirmative action" by it's supporters.

Are perjury and obstruction of justice by a president impeachable offenses? - Why not? For one thing, obstruction of justice has a history- -it was one of the charges against Nixon.

Should the word "God" be taken off our money and out of patriotic songs? - Yes; replace with "Tooth Fairy".

Separating out the smartass answers in the above is left as an exercise for the reader.