Zeev's Turnips Talk Politics (ZTTP)

[SamIam]

Hello Pharmaceuticals! Are you sad? We've got a pill for that.
http://www.fallingman.org/stories/a_brief_history_of_insanity.html

(I want my MTV while driving my SUV to pick up my candy from
the p h a r m c)
You'll be back to work in no time. Are you in pain? No problem. Take two of these a day. What? You fooled around in the 60's and 70's and now you've got a life-threatening disease? Here, take this medicine. Oops. That medicine has side effects — didn't you read the web site? What about the helpful brochure issued by the manufacturer. See. It says right there: Some side effects may be experienced including hair loss, platelet loss, red blood cell loss, uncontrollable ear-your-fucking-eyeballs-out rashes, weight loss, and irritability. Or psychosis. Whatever.

If you are a wee bit on the testy side, well, that could be an underlying problem. Did you ever bring home a kitten you weren't allowed to keep? Hm. Fortunately, we have medicine for that. Take this pill once a day. Don't forget to read the brochure this time, you silly goose. Whoops! It says: Not to be prescribed under any circumstances to people suffering from liver disease. Let's see... Bingo!

Sure enough, just like those terrifying teeny-weeny itty-bitty catfish in the Amazon river that are capable of swimming up a part of a man's anatomy too dreadful to contemplate, here comes the judge! You shall take your medicine or else. Brute force has worked for five fucking hundred years. Why abandon it now?

The flight crew will now return to their take-off positions. Passengers, kindly remove your craniums while the No Thinking sign is lit in the cabin. We will be serving brain salad surgery once we reach our cruising altitude of five miles above the surface of the planet. If the plane comes to a sudden halt, hold on to your seat cushion. It works as a flotation device. You can kiss it and your ass goodbye while you plunge to your death.

Pop Quiz!

1. Constantinople was once...
* The seat of a mighty civilization.
* The name of a rock band from Muncie, Indiana.
* "Very Constant" (I hope...)
2. The discovery of gunpowder changed western civilization because...
* Europeans could now blow up the Holy Land instead of drowning it in blood.
* Laws could be enacted guaranteeing the responsible use of gunpowder for recreation (for example, blowing small birds to smithereens with a 12-gage shotgun.)
* Shiny medals can be awarded in the name of an obscure Scandinavian chemist.
3. Your employer...
* Provides a trusting and caring environment that attends to your needs.
* Would never divulge anything personal about you under any circumstances.
* Will squeeze you like a used sanitary napkin for every last drop of blood.
4. Psychotropic pharmaceuticals...
* Are my friends.
* Sometimes good. Sometimes not. You know...
* Difficult to spell.

Bonus Question

Consider the following hypothetical circumstance: You are assured that you have only a short time to live and that time will be filled with misery:

1. You place your trust in western medicine. Look at the good it's done.
2. You choose to end your life with grace and dignity on your own terms.
3. You continue falling between obedience and rebellion.
4. You tell western civilization to stick a chainsaw up its collective ass.