Tornado Alley (PROG)

[blackhawks]

Two Corinthians walk into a bar.......

Use “enshittification” as sort of a religious ceremony to become a true Trump supporter; a parody that is.

Alright—leaning into satire, not endorsement:

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**The Rite of Enshittification: A Devotional Path to True Trumpism (Parody)**

Welcome, initiate. You stand at the threshold of transformation, where reason is optional and vibes are eternal. To become a True Believer™, you must undergo the sacred Rite of *Enshittification*—a ceremonial shedding of nuance in favor of glorious, simplified certainty.

**Step 1: The Casting Off of Complexity**
Gather your facts, studies, and pesky “context.” Place them gently into a ceremonial recycling bin labeled *“Deep State.”* Whisper the ancient incantation:
*“It’s all fake anyway.”*
Feel the burden lift.

**Step 2: The Anointing with Outrage**
Dip your fingers into the sacred oils of perpetual indignation. Apply liberally to all topics—weather, breakfast cereal, global trade. Every issue is now equally urgent and someone else’s fault.

**Step 3: The Chant of Absolute Confidence**
Stand before a mirror. Declare loudly, regardless of knowledge:
*“Many people are saying…”*
Repeat until your reflection nods back in agreement.

**Step 4: The Algorithmic Communion**
Consume only the most affirming content. Let it flow through you, unchallenged. Each scroll tightens the circle; each like is a hymn. Dissenting voices are banished with a swift “mute” or “block”—a modern exorcism.

**Step 5: The Sacred Reversal**
When confronted with contradiction, perform the Ritual Pivot:

* If it’s proven false ? “That’s what they want you to think.”
* If it’s proven true ? “See? I said that all along.”
Reality bends. You remain unbroken.

**Step 6: The Golden Offering**
Construct a small shrine of branded merchandise—hats, mugs, perhaps a commemorative steak knife set. These relics symbolize devotion and, more importantly, excellent marketing.

**Step 7: The Final Transformation**
Kneel and recite the closing creed:
*“I do not follow the message because it is true; it is true because I follow it.”*
Rise. You are now fully enshittified.

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**Benediction**
Go forth and simplify the world into heroes and villains, slogans and enemies. Should doubt arise, return to Step 1 and recycle it immediately.


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